HILLSONG (Praise)
Act i wanna elaborate on this song's lyrics but i think it already says out all i feel..so enjoy the songs i like..
FOUND LOVE BEYOND ALL REASON (yes, God's love found me act)
YOU GAVE YOUR LIFE, YOUR ALL FOR ME
AND CALL ME YOURS FOREVER (i'm wanted in Christ)
CAUGHT IN THE MERCY FALLOUT (yes, coz i certainly so don deserve but God is merciful)
FOUND HOPE, FOUND LIFE, FOUND ALL I NEED (yeah..bcoz of God, i can have a vision,hope for future)
YOU'RE ALL I NEED
THE TIME HAS COME
TO STAND FOR ALL WE BELIEVE IN
SO I FOR ONE
I'M GONNA GIVE MY PRAISE TO YOU (give my praise to God coz He's simply GREAT to be praised)
TODAY! TODAY IS ALL OR NOTHING
ALL THE WAY THE PRAISE GOES OUT TO YOU
YEAH ALL THE PRAISE GOES OUT TO YOU
TODAY! TODAY I LIVE FOR ONE THING
TO GIVE YOU PRAISE IN EVERYTHING I DO
YEAH ALL THE PRAISE GOES OUT TO YOU
Hiding Place-Christian City Church
I FIND YOU AT THE SECRET PLACE
I FIND YOU ON THE MOUNTAIN
I FIND YOU IN THE EARLY HOURS OF MY DAY
I FIND YOU WHEN I'M WAITING
I FIND YOU WHEN I'M IN YOUR WORD
I FIND YOU WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU WHEN I PRAY
CREATE IN ME A CLEAN HEART
AS I COME AWAY WITH YOU
WASH AWAY ALL OF MY STAINS
AND RESTORE TO ME THE JOY I HAVE IN YOU
YOU'RE MY HIDING
YOU'RE MY HIDING PLACE
YOU'RE MY HIDING
YOU'RE MY HIDING PLACE
The Indo song..2nd malay song that i know how to sing..very meaningful lyrics..consider..
Bila kubuka mataku (When I open my eyes)
Dan lihat wajah Mu (And look at Your face)
Ku ter ka gum (I am amazed)
Bila kulihat hidup ku (When I look at my life)
dan karya tangan Mu (And all the works of Your hand)
Ku ter san jung (I am honored) (yes,lik wat i wrote in my prev entry..i felt honoured that God is at work in me)
Kar'na semua yang baik (Because all good things)
dalam hidupku (In my life)
Itulah karya Mu (They are Your wondrous works)
Kau b'ri k'sempatan yang baru (You give a brand new chance)
Dan ku ingin mengenal Mu, Tuhan (And I want to know You, God)
Lebih dalam dari s'mua yang kukenal (Deeper than all that I have known before)
Tiada kasih yang melebihi Mu (There is no greater love than Yours)
Ku ada untuk menjadi penyembah Mu (I am here to be Your worshipper)
AMAZING
JAKARTA PRAISE COMMUNITY CH.
Worship
YOU’RE MY EVERYTHING
THE REASON I SING
YOU’VE TAKEN ME UNDER YOUR WINGS
AND CLOSER TO YOU I DRAW NEAR
MY LIFE’S IN YOUR HANDS
MY HEART BEATS
IN YOUR PERFECT LOVE
MY LIPS SHALL PRAISE YOU
ADORE YOU
AND LIFTING MY LOVE I WILL SING
YOU’RE AMAZING
NEVER CHANGING
ALWAYS WITH ME
ENTHRONED WITHIN MY SOUL
OVERFLOWING
MY HEART OFFERS
THE DEEPEST OF
HONOR AND WORSHIP
AMAZING
This next song was sung during my time as a young Christian..i din noe much abt God then but i know this song speaks abt my life..God rescued me..
You rescued me
YOU RESCUED ME, AND PICKED ME UP
C#m G#m
A LIVING HOPE OF GRACE REVEALED
A E/G#
A LIFE TRANSFORMED IN RIGHTEOUSNESS
F#m B
O LORD YOU HAVE RESCUE ME
FORGIVING ME, YOU HEALED MY HEART
AND SET ME FREE FROM SIN AND DEATH
YOU BROUGHT ME LIFE
YOU'VE MADE ME WHOLE
O LORD, YOU RESCUED ME
E C#m
AND YOU LOVED ME BEFORE I KNEW YOU
(i rem God 1st spoke a verse to me that i teared, Jer 1:4-5 and i still rem how i felt that..it was unforgetable)
A B
AND YOU KNEW ME FOR ALL TIME
E C#m G#m B /A /G# /F#
I'VE CREATED IN YOUR IMAGE, O LORD
E C#m
AND YOU BOUGHT ME, AND YOU SOUGHT ME
A B
YOUR BLOOD POURED OUT FOR ME
E C#m G#m B
A NEW CREATION IN YOUR IMAGE, O LORD
F#m B E F#m B E
YOU RESCUED ME, YOU RESCUED ME
We are the Reason
AS LITTLE CHILDREN WE WOULD DREAM OF CHRISTMAS MORN
AND ALL THE GIFTS AND TOYS
WE KNEW WE'D FIND
BUT WE NEVER REALIZED
A BABY BORN ONE BLESSED NIGHT
GIVE US THE GREATEST GIFT OF OUR LIVES
WE WERE THE REASON THAT HE GAVE HIS LIFE
WE WERE THE REASON
THAT HE SUFFERED AND DIED
TO A WORLD THAT WAS LOST
HE GAVE ALL HE COULD GIVE
TO SHOW US THE REASON TO G LIVE
AS THE YEARS WENT BY
WE LEARN MORE ABOUT GIFTS
GIVING OF OURSELVES AND WHAT THAT MEANS
ON A DARK AND CLOUDY DAY
A MAN HUNG CRYING IN THE RAIN
BECAUSE OF LOVE, BECAUSE OF LOVE
I'VE FINALLY FOUND A REASON FOR LIVING
IT'S IN GIVING EVERY PART OF MY HEART TO HIM
IN ALL THAT I DO
EVERY WORD THAT I SAY
I'LL GIVING MY ALL JUST FOR HIM
FOR HIM
WE ARE THE REASON THAT HE GAVE HIS LIFE
WE ARE THE REASON THAT HE SUFFERED AND DIED
TO A WORLD THAT WAS LOST
HE GAVE ALL HE COULD GIVE
TO SHOW US THE REASON TO LIVE
HE IS MY REASON TO LIVE
moi's Sweet Memos
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Sat,31st Mar—God speaking to moi
Sat,31st Mar—God speaking to moi
I am so excited to wan to write down all that hap today.. it is so amazing or how should I describe.. I hop I can write down as accurately wat I experience today so that I will always rem what God is doing in my life.. haha.. God is Good.. He is the author and finisher of my life story.. God, You’re awesome!!!
Today, Dennis, Chris, Bernard, Kenneth and I met up for lunch at expo foodcourt..hmmm.. aft Bernard left, it’s like pair conversation taking place where chris was talking to Kenneth, and I was talking to dennis..
Man.. talking to dennis neva fail to encourage me.. I am so blessed to know him and listen to his words of encouragement.. today I shared with them the terrible experience I had on 2 days back on thurs, b4 the prayer meeting starts.. Shu hui and I act booked a row but a sis came to us in a manner that kinda demands the row from us..she had her wrist put on her waist and told us that she threw her bag onto the seat and hence booked the seats.. gosh.. I was huh.. in my heart I was thinking lik, wow, den I could fly a Frisbee over at the back and that row would be mine.. man.. reali absurd.. haha.. man, as I was telling them, I was still very much emotional abt it..
Anyway, right den twds the sis, I controlled myself and reason with her that it is ok that we gave up the seats but I wan to let her know that her gesture was not right at all..it’s not fair.. such an ungracious act..anyway, we did give up the row and told the usher abt it and they gave us anoth row.. man, I was reali upset.. like..reali upset and angry I think but much controlled too..
During prayer meeting wen we were praying 15mins in spirit 1st.. I felt convicted by God.. I felt that I could have had a beta attitude when I talked to that sista.. if my attitude is beta, I could have won her over in a sense and not reason in a manner that she doesn’t even care right then,.man.. thru out the prayer meeting I was kinda distracted.. distracted in thinking “God, am I a winsome person?”
In so many ways I feel that I am not winsome.. I told dennis abt this and he said this is “brokenness”..i always thot I am a winsome person bcoz of all the praises I received frm pp when they commented me on bringing many pp to church and like an evangelist in cg kind of.. to be honest I am reali flattered and lifted up in pride even..but on that thurs night, I realize that I am not as winsome a person as I thot I am.. act I felt a little discourage that man, how much work I gotta now do to become a winsome person..think I do feel disappointed with myself lik I failed. And I have qt a thing with failure.. I hate to think for a moment that I act failed in something I thot I am right all along.
I felt that I am not a winsome person coz I always treat pp harshly.. I had no regards or value peoples’ feelings.. I don care act, lik wat I responded to Chris b4 when he told me that I am insensitive to peoples’ feelings.. I am just as frank, direct and harsh most of the time to my friends..that thurs night I felt broken by God which I din realize until dennis told me this afternoon..
O, that incident with that sista is just one of the factor that caused me to think..aft prayer meet, jaz commented on terence that he is reali a solid person coz he is inviting his colleagues for easter whom 2 have already agreed to come.. Jas said he muz have been a good testimony in work for his colleague to see so that they would agree to come..
man, I was questioning myself, “ am I a good testimony for my colleagues to see? Maybe not.. that’s why I din dare to ask any of them except my buddy at work..hmmm..my life.. a testimony?.. good qn!
Dennis said, “Brokenness” is when you realise you are not wat you think you are..and I truly agree at this pt in time..”God, I am not as winsome as I thot I am”…but he encouraged me that God is doing a work in my life now coz God made me realize that I am not a winsome person as I thot I was ( I’m breaking in process).. to be truly winsome is when you win someone to you and eventually win them to Christ.. I still have a long way to go from this defn..
Den I told dennis there was one of this day that I was speaking into my future and I felt real happy abt it..however the following day wen I tried to speak into my future, I kinda hesitated like “will God reali bless me after wat I have done in my past?” I was wondering how come I was feeling that way coz the day b4 I was having faith and how come so fast now, I kinda qn God..man.. so thank God for Dennis, he shared with me that he experienced that b4 so it’s not uncommon to me alone.. so wat should I do?.. I gotta lay hold of my future in God.. I gotta believe that my God is good to give me a great destiny and future despite my past.. I gotta lay hold of my vision in God..
Den I told him wat I shared with my sis the night b4 we slept..i told him I was reali and still am excited at wat bro Chris said.. give him 3 mths to lead us.. that 1st week he spoke to us, I was like “YES! New vision! Yes!”.. 3 weeks lata, I was still wondering, “so wat’s the vision? I like don have vision yet!” haha..man, Dennis told me, I gotta get that vision myself.. bro Chris spoke that this 3 mths God is doing exciting things, but I muz grab that vision myself.. I gotta ask God for it.. haha.. I was lik “O, I muz get the vision myself?” haha.. I was like thinking I am to “receive” frm bro Chris only to realize I am to get it myself..haha..
O even my sis told me last night that I gotta ask, seek, and fast for a vision to be given by God.. it starts from a desire and that’s how my sis came to where she is today.. She believ this time round she will rise up to become a cgl..she has good feelings abt it.. I have confidence in her too coz I reali believ she will indeed become a cgl this yr..I pray that God will always protect her walk with Him that her service is out of that love relationship she has with Him..AMEN!..Jiayou phine!
Coming back, so was talking qt a lot to Dennis that he mentioned abt him gg SOT, working in church and serving in a new ministry called greeters ministry.. man.. he said that I have potential in there and that I will do well in the ministry coz of my personality..haha
I told him thank God I am bdae coordinator in cg..at least I am using my gift, if not I will die on the inside coz i need to do something and find meaning in wat I’m doing..i wan to serve..but the oth time jaz asked me to help out in cg.. hmmm..think bcoz I was passive so until now I also lik din do much..haiz..i told Dennis I wanted to join choir den he was lik saying choir is good but why not join a ministry that’s challenging..sth I neva did b4..i was lik hmmm..agree..
I wan to do sth more coz choir like on stage fortnightly or sth.. lik I needed more stimulation in a sense.. ha.. den he suggested why not I joined him in prison ministry,,ha.. well I did consider b4..ha..den we chatted 4 a while and made our way to hall 8.. O, b4 we left, he mentioned abt being spiritually employed and stuff..and
Now, second part of today’s blogging coming soon..
Today as I was worshipping God..we were singing Majesty..right then I felt that God is so good to me.. I began to understand what Dennis told me abt “brokenness”..
During worship, I teared..i teared bcoz I was thinking God is such a Majestic God yet He is concerned abt my life..
”Your Grace has found me just as I am..
empty-handed but alive in your hand..
Majesty Majesty,
forever I am changed by your love,
in the Presence of your Majesty”..
God is Majestic yet He loves me.
I felt that God is so great yet He is doing a work in my life..changing me to mature in my attitude and response..just wen I feel that I am Not that good as I thot I am, God still cares abt me..I felt very privileged that God values me..
Right then during worship I began to understand what Dennis meant by “brokenness”.. I felt that I am nothing but God saved me again and again.. Memories came flooding my mind, I thought I am good, I thought I am someone, I thought I am so great or good only to realize I am reali nothing..
I am a Christ-IAN.. but Without Christ, I Am Nothing..reali nothing without the saving grace of Jesus and the rescue from Holy Spirit.
If God had not SNATCHED me from the power of Egypt( from the devil) and from the hand of all my oppressors (Judges 6:9, my revelation wen I was like casually but eagerly reading the bible).. I wouldn’t even be here today..to be given the chance to have a vision and a great destiny ahead and working as a PE teacher..
I am “broken” coz God let me see that I am not as good I think I am..and He is a great and Majestic God yet He cares to work in my life..
How privileged I am to have God so mindful of me..wen I think abt my past and foolish mistakes I made and justify that I am not that bad a person, I indeed am.. I did a lot of foolish mistakes and God rescued me time and time again..
God, You are so good to me..
Act I couldn’t qt rem much of wat I felt during worship le as i blog now..but I rem Dennis said sth, “brokenness” is a process and I know that My God is breaking me bit by bit each day.. I may not fully rem how I felt durng worship but I know as I seek God, He will reveal heaven to me bit by bit, glimpse by glimpse.. I may not rem how I feel but I know God is breaking me and I know for sure that My God is a good God despite all.. I will not accept anyone accusing that God is non-existent..
I rem a few days back I was questioning myself is God real or does He exist.. den I save in my hp my response.." Thru the things that hap in my life, I simply cannot deny the existence of God..much as I would think everything in life is coincidental..they simply are not.. I can see so many times God’s just in time rescue work in my life.. too many times that I can only acknowledge His goodness and no doubt about His goodness.”
Sometimes, it’s reali not easy to feel God but reali trust in His heart when I can’t see His hand.. God is always working, always wooing, always winning our hearts to Him..Can we have a beta response twds Him? Keep asking..
The constant test for us Christians is reali “ Is God still good despite circumstances?”..
Can we trust His character of goodness?
How do we know?
Unless we walk with Him, when we know Him by experience, we know His character, we will know He is Good..
God is good bcoz His character demands Him to be so!
What’s God’s character?
..God is love (1 John 4:8)..
Why is God good?
Bcoz He is LOVE.. when you love someone, naturally you are good to that person.. this is common sense, no argument needed I suppose..
God is good bcoz God is Love!
How do I know?
Walk with Him..Read His love letter to me.. Observe what He has done for me and I know I cannot deny God..cannot deny His goodness to me coz it’s too obvious to be ignored..
I muz be blind to question God’s existence at this pt in time..i cannot and I will not..
Why?
Coz God had passed all the tests I set to prove His existence and goodness..
He has an unbroken track record of being good to me..too many times..
think wen I’m free I would like to write down as much as I rem so I can rem and be as sure as sure can be coz these are my precious experiences thou some of them are painful memories..these are scars in my life that remind me that God has healed me.. Hallelujah!!!
Sermon Of the Day
Today Pst Mark Conner is preaching.. His topic is “How to Connect to God?”
Main verse is John 15:1-8 (final words of Jesus b4 gg to the cross so v.v.v.v.v.impt.. Why? common sense tells you that a person’s final words are always most impt..ha..)
-Keep connected to Jesus and my life will be incredibly fruitful!
-God wants us to be fruitful in every area of our life
-Key to fruitfulness => stay connected with God
=> Abide, Remain, stay connected
* I am to stay connected with God
-everyone can connect to God but we are so different individually..
in 1)looks, 2)personality, 3)spiritual gifts, 4) language of love and 5) in our connection with God..so
5 ways of connecting(abiding) with God (styles of some pp connecting to God)
#1—Contemplative style
-love silence, solitude
-enjoy times of solitation and reflection
-disconnected with the busyness of life den can feel connected to God
-can be deeply spiritual
-in solitude that they are connected to God
#2—Intellectual style
-need the mind to be fully challenged
-need mind stimulation
-looking for substance
-need mind to be stretched and challenged therefore always engage in bible study and teaching
#3—Serving style
-love to be busy
-using their gifts and active in using their lives to serve others, that’s how they feel the presence of God
-enjoy living in a high challenge world
-as they serve, they feel God
Eg. Mother Theresa
-when they feel like they’re the hands and feet of Jesus, that’s where they feel God most deeply.
#4—Relational Style
-love to do things in groups, in community
-these are the people who “when 2 or 3 are gathered in My Name,there I will be….” kind of people
-in community, they feel God
#5—Charismatic style
-can feel or see God’s presence and power den they come alive
-love worship
-need something they can see or feel den they feel God’s presence
Eg Benny Hinn
Question: which is the right style?
Act, there’s a variety of styles for everyone.
How to apply the style?
Step 1—Identify your primary style
-ha..initially I was lik “don noe coz I seem to have a bit of every style” but think my primary is Serving.. I need to work to feel meaningfulness, to feel that I am in the right place that God had placed me in..ha
Step 2—Arrange your life around that style
-so you have time that lead into connection with God
Step 3—Understand and accept others who are different
-different is not wrong, they have permission to be different.
Step 4—Learn other ways of communication with God.
-never be extreme in 1 style
-be balance in oth styles too
Pst Mark mentioned that people with different style need to…
1. Comtemplative --> need to communicate with others
2. Intellectual --> be open to experiences, faith
-ha.. wen he talked abt this, Christine, Shuhui and I were thinking abt Brian..act aft svc think Christine is worried abt Brian coz he lik not doing very well spiritually..certain beliefs that he holds don seem qt right to her and I can see and feel that she is very very concerned..Brian, if you do read this portion I wan to let you know, you have a spiritual family here..we do hop you can connect to us and let’s help one anoth to know God deeper..
sometimes we need to reason coz God gave us a brain to think, to consider, to analyse and to draw conclusions..But most of the times we need knowledge by experience..that then would truly be “I know God” like how you know a friend..
ha..i told christine an eg..simply bcoz I din see kat for mths will I then draw the conclusion that she is not in existence?.. that’s crazy man.. simply bcoz I din see her would mean that she is not good to me?.. that’s rubbish too..coz I know my friend.. I know kat.. and I always Thank God that Kat you are my friend.. you are reali heaven-sent Friend to me in times of need..God is amazing so are you..ha.. let’s stay connected..
3. Serving --> need to dev intimacy with Jesus(coz sometimes can get too work oriented)
4. Relational --> need to be dependent on God and not people
5. Charismatic --> need to build their lives on truths and not just feelings only.
-Jesus balance all 5 styles
-Jesus seek God in solitude wen he draw away frm crowd and go pray
-Jesus is intellectual -->He’s the Word in flesh
-Jesus serves pp --> eg wash his disciples’ feet
-Jesus is relational --> 3 in 1 God --> community or 1st cg..ha..Jesus live life in community.eg, even b4 he prayed, he asked his disciples to pray too.
-Jesus is charismatic --> full of the Holy Spirit and power
Step 5—Consider the implications of this model
Conclusion: Fruitfulness is a by-product of connecting to God
At the end of svc, to my pleasant surprise..haha.. Pst Tan mentioned abt being spiritually employed in church..Coz svc ended early and he wanted us to go fellowship so we can discuss and will understand one anoth style of connecting with God and helping one anoth grow in God..
every member is a minister..we need to be spiritually employed so our church will grow..
man..aft svc, I was surprised again coz Jaz came for svc.. she was supposed to be at rendang and spent the weekend with bro Chris and Jepthah..ha.. den she came and I took the opportunity to tel her that I wan to serve in a ministry.. think I asked her abt prison ministry den she said beta not coz complicated in a sense for a sista esp..so I asked her abt greeter ministry and she said she will tel bro Darren abt it..man..cool..haha..
once again, God, Your timing is so Great..why? coz Rem I mentioned b4 svc wen Dennis and I were sharing, he also told me abt spiritual employability (like 1st confirmation)..
Just now Pst Tan mentioned to be spiritually employed (ha..like 2nd confirmation).. after svc, dennis told me that the word was for me.. I think so too..haha..spiritual employability..and
my 3rd confirmation--I got the opportunity to tell Jaz I wan serve in a ministry (wen I thot I have to tel her wen she’s back on tues).. yeah.. I feel so excited for my future..
*God, it is reali not me serving but You in me.. God, if without You, how would my life be? I surely wouldn’t be able to have my dream come true to teach in ITE College East.. I wouldn’t even have a dream in the first place coz right den I already lost all hope ..but You came to my rescue.
I am so excited to wan to write down all that hap today.. it is so amazing or how should I describe.. I hop I can write down as accurately wat I experience today so that I will always rem what God is doing in my life.. haha.. God is Good.. He is the author and finisher of my life story.. God, You’re awesome!!!
Today, Dennis, Chris, Bernard, Kenneth and I met up for lunch at expo foodcourt..hmmm.. aft Bernard left, it’s like pair conversation taking place where chris was talking to Kenneth, and I was talking to dennis..
Man.. talking to dennis neva fail to encourage me.. I am so blessed to know him and listen to his words of encouragement.. today I shared with them the terrible experience I had on 2 days back on thurs, b4 the prayer meeting starts.. Shu hui and I act booked a row but a sis came to us in a manner that kinda demands the row from us..she had her wrist put on her waist and told us that she threw her bag onto the seat and hence booked the seats.. gosh.. I was huh.. in my heart I was thinking lik, wow, den I could fly a Frisbee over at the back and that row would be mine.. man.. reali absurd.. haha.. man, as I was telling them, I was still very much emotional abt it..
Anyway, right den twds the sis, I controlled myself and reason with her that it is ok that we gave up the seats but I wan to let her know that her gesture was not right at all..it’s not fair.. such an ungracious act..anyway, we did give up the row and told the usher abt it and they gave us anoth row.. man, I was reali upset.. like..reali upset and angry I think but much controlled too..
During prayer meeting wen we were praying 15mins in spirit 1st.. I felt convicted by God.. I felt that I could have had a beta attitude when I talked to that sista.. if my attitude is beta, I could have won her over in a sense and not reason in a manner that she doesn’t even care right then,.man.. thru out the prayer meeting I was kinda distracted.. distracted in thinking “God, am I a winsome person?”
In so many ways I feel that I am not winsome.. I told dennis abt this and he said this is “brokenness”..i always thot I am a winsome person bcoz of all the praises I received frm pp when they commented me on bringing many pp to church and like an evangelist in cg kind of.. to be honest I am reali flattered and lifted up in pride even..but on that thurs night, I realize that I am not as winsome a person as I thot I am.. act I felt a little discourage that man, how much work I gotta now do to become a winsome person..think I do feel disappointed with myself lik I failed. And I have qt a thing with failure.. I hate to think for a moment that I act failed in something I thot I am right all along.
I felt that I am not a winsome person coz I always treat pp harshly.. I had no regards or value peoples’ feelings.. I don care act, lik wat I responded to Chris b4 when he told me that I am insensitive to peoples’ feelings.. I am just as frank, direct and harsh most of the time to my friends..that thurs night I felt broken by God which I din realize until dennis told me this afternoon..
O, that incident with that sista is just one of the factor that caused me to think..aft prayer meet, jaz commented on terence that he is reali a solid person coz he is inviting his colleagues for easter whom 2 have already agreed to come.. Jas said he muz have been a good testimony in work for his colleague to see so that they would agree to come..
man, I was questioning myself, “ am I a good testimony for my colleagues to see? Maybe not.. that’s why I din dare to ask any of them except my buddy at work..hmmm..my life.. a testimony?.. good qn!
Dennis said, “Brokenness” is when you realise you are not wat you think you are..and I truly agree at this pt in time..”God, I am not as winsome as I thot I am”…but he encouraged me that God is doing a work in my life now coz God made me realize that I am not a winsome person as I thot I was ( I’m breaking in process).. to be truly winsome is when you win someone to you and eventually win them to Christ.. I still have a long way to go from this defn..
Den I told dennis there was one of this day that I was speaking into my future and I felt real happy abt it..however the following day wen I tried to speak into my future, I kinda hesitated like “will God reali bless me after wat I have done in my past?” I was wondering how come I was feeling that way coz the day b4 I was having faith and how come so fast now, I kinda qn God..man.. so thank God for Dennis, he shared with me that he experienced that b4 so it’s not uncommon to me alone.. so wat should I do?.. I gotta lay hold of my future in God.. I gotta believe that my God is good to give me a great destiny and future despite my past.. I gotta lay hold of my vision in God..
Den I told him wat I shared with my sis the night b4 we slept..i told him I was reali and still am excited at wat bro Chris said.. give him 3 mths to lead us.. that 1st week he spoke to us, I was like “YES! New vision! Yes!”.. 3 weeks lata, I was still wondering, “so wat’s the vision? I like don have vision yet!” haha..man, Dennis told me, I gotta get that vision myself.. bro Chris spoke that this 3 mths God is doing exciting things, but I muz grab that vision myself.. I gotta ask God for it.. haha.. I was lik “O, I muz get the vision myself?” haha.. I was like thinking I am to “receive” frm bro Chris only to realize I am to get it myself..haha..
O even my sis told me last night that I gotta ask, seek, and fast for a vision to be given by God.. it starts from a desire and that’s how my sis came to where she is today.. She believ this time round she will rise up to become a cgl..she has good feelings abt it.. I have confidence in her too coz I reali believ she will indeed become a cgl this yr..I pray that God will always protect her walk with Him that her service is out of that love relationship she has with Him..AMEN!..Jiayou phine!
Coming back, so was talking qt a lot to Dennis that he mentioned abt him gg SOT, working in church and serving in a new ministry called greeters ministry.. man.. he said that I have potential in there and that I will do well in the ministry coz of my personality..haha
I told him thank God I am bdae coordinator in cg..at least I am using my gift, if not I will die on the inside coz i need to do something and find meaning in wat I’m doing..i wan to serve..but the oth time jaz asked me to help out in cg.. hmmm..think bcoz I was passive so until now I also lik din do much..haiz..i told Dennis I wanted to join choir den he was lik saying choir is good but why not join a ministry that’s challenging..sth I neva did b4..i was lik hmmm..agree..
I wan to do sth more coz choir like on stage fortnightly or sth.. lik I needed more stimulation in a sense.. ha.. den he suggested why not I joined him in prison ministry,,ha.. well I did consider b4..ha..den we chatted 4 a while and made our way to hall 8.. O, b4 we left, he mentioned abt being spiritually employed and stuff..and
Now, second part of today’s blogging coming soon..
Today as I was worshipping God..we were singing Majesty..right then I felt that God is so good to me.. I began to understand what Dennis told me abt “brokenness”..
During worship, I teared..i teared bcoz I was thinking God is such a Majestic God yet He is concerned abt my life..
”Your Grace has found me just as I am..
empty-handed but alive in your hand..
Majesty Majesty,
forever I am changed by your love,
in the Presence of your Majesty”..
God is Majestic yet He loves me.
I felt that God is so great yet He is doing a work in my life..changing me to mature in my attitude and response..just wen I feel that I am Not that good as I thot I am, God still cares abt me..I felt very privileged that God values me..
Right then during worship I began to understand what Dennis meant by “brokenness”.. I felt that I am nothing but God saved me again and again.. Memories came flooding my mind, I thought I am good, I thought I am someone, I thought I am so great or good only to realize I am reali nothing..
I am a Christ-IAN.. but Without Christ, I Am Nothing..reali nothing without the saving grace of Jesus and the rescue from Holy Spirit.
If God had not SNATCHED me from the power of Egypt( from the devil) and from the hand of all my oppressors (Judges 6:9, my revelation wen I was like casually but eagerly reading the bible).. I wouldn’t even be here today..to be given the chance to have a vision and a great destiny ahead and working as a PE teacher..
I am “broken” coz God let me see that I am not as good I think I am..and He is a great and Majestic God yet He cares to work in my life..
How privileged I am to have God so mindful of me..wen I think abt my past and foolish mistakes I made and justify that I am not that bad a person, I indeed am.. I did a lot of foolish mistakes and God rescued me time and time again..
God, You are so good to me..
Act I couldn’t qt rem much of wat I felt during worship le as i blog now..but I rem Dennis said sth, “brokenness” is a process and I know that My God is breaking me bit by bit each day.. I may not fully rem how I felt durng worship but I know as I seek God, He will reveal heaven to me bit by bit, glimpse by glimpse.. I may not rem how I feel but I know God is breaking me and I know for sure that My God is a good God despite all.. I will not accept anyone accusing that God is non-existent..
I rem a few days back I was questioning myself is God real or does He exist.. den I save in my hp my response.." Thru the things that hap in my life, I simply cannot deny the existence of God..much as I would think everything in life is coincidental..they simply are not.. I can see so many times God’s just in time rescue work in my life.. too many times that I can only acknowledge His goodness and no doubt about His goodness.”
Sometimes, it’s reali not easy to feel God but reali trust in His heart when I can’t see His hand.. God is always working, always wooing, always winning our hearts to Him..Can we have a beta response twds Him? Keep asking..
The constant test for us Christians is reali “ Is God still good despite circumstances?”..
Can we trust His character of goodness?
How do we know?
Unless we walk with Him, when we know Him by experience, we know His character, we will know He is Good..
God is good bcoz His character demands Him to be so!
What’s God’s character?
..God is love (1 John 4:8)..
Why is God good?
Bcoz He is LOVE.. when you love someone, naturally you are good to that person.. this is common sense, no argument needed I suppose..
God is good bcoz God is Love!
How do I know?
Walk with Him..Read His love letter to me.. Observe what He has done for me and I know I cannot deny God..cannot deny His goodness to me coz it’s too obvious to be ignored..
I muz be blind to question God’s existence at this pt in time..i cannot and I will not..
Why?
Coz God had passed all the tests I set to prove His existence and goodness..
He has an unbroken track record of being good to me..too many times..
think wen I’m free I would like to write down as much as I rem so I can rem and be as sure as sure can be coz these are my precious experiences thou some of them are painful memories..these are scars in my life that remind me that God has healed me.. Hallelujah!!!
Sermon Of the Day
Today Pst Mark Conner is preaching.. His topic is “How to Connect to God?”
Main verse is John 15:1-8 (final words of Jesus b4 gg to the cross so v.v.v.v.v.impt.. Why? common sense tells you that a person’s final words are always most impt..ha..)
-Keep connected to Jesus and my life will be incredibly fruitful!
-God wants us to be fruitful in every area of our life
-Key to fruitfulness => stay connected with God
=> Abide, Remain, stay connected
* I am to stay connected with God
-everyone can connect to God but we are so different individually..
in 1)looks, 2)personality, 3)spiritual gifts, 4) language of love and 5) in our connection with God..so
5 ways of connecting(abiding) with God (styles of some pp connecting to God)
#1—Contemplative style
-love silence, solitude
-enjoy times of solitation and reflection
-disconnected with the busyness of life den can feel connected to God
-can be deeply spiritual
-in solitude that they are connected to God
#2—Intellectual style
-need the mind to be fully challenged
-need mind stimulation
-looking for substance
-need mind to be stretched and challenged therefore always engage in bible study and teaching
#3—Serving style
-love to be busy
-using their gifts and active in using their lives to serve others, that’s how they feel the presence of God
-enjoy living in a high challenge world
-as they serve, they feel God
Eg. Mother Theresa
-when they feel like they’re the hands and feet of Jesus, that’s where they feel God most deeply.
#4—Relational Style
-love to do things in groups, in community
-these are the people who “when 2 or 3 are gathered in My Name,there I will be….” kind of people
-in community, they feel God
#5—Charismatic style
-can feel or see God’s presence and power den they come alive
-love worship
-need something they can see or feel den they feel God’s presence
Eg Benny Hinn
Question: which is the right style?
Act, there’s a variety of styles for everyone.
How to apply the style?
Step 1—Identify your primary style
-ha..initially I was lik “don noe coz I seem to have a bit of every style” but think my primary is Serving.. I need to work to feel meaningfulness, to feel that I am in the right place that God had placed me in..ha
Step 2—Arrange your life around that style
-so you have time that lead into connection with God
Step 3—Understand and accept others who are different
-different is not wrong, they have permission to be different.
Step 4—Learn other ways of communication with God.
-never be extreme in 1 style
-be balance in oth styles too
Pst Mark mentioned that people with different style need to…
1. Comtemplative --> need to communicate with others
2. Intellectual --> be open to experiences, faith
-ha.. wen he talked abt this, Christine, Shuhui and I were thinking abt Brian..act aft svc think Christine is worried abt Brian coz he lik not doing very well spiritually..certain beliefs that he holds don seem qt right to her and I can see and feel that she is very very concerned..Brian, if you do read this portion I wan to let you know, you have a spiritual family here..we do hop you can connect to us and let’s help one anoth to know God deeper..
sometimes we need to reason coz God gave us a brain to think, to consider, to analyse and to draw conclusions..But most of the times we need knowledge by experience..that then would truly be “I know God” like how you know a friend..
ha..i told christine an eg..simply bcoz I din see kat for mths will I then draw the conclusion that she is not in existence?.. that’s crazy man.. simply bcoz I din see her would mean that she is not good to me?.. that’s rubbish too..coz I know my friend.. I know kat.. and I always Thank God that Kat you are my friend.. you are reali heaven-sent Friend to me in times of need..God is amazing so are you..ha.. let’s stay connected..
3. Serving --> need to dev intimacy with Jesus(coz sometimes can get too work oriented)
4. Relational --> need to be dependent on God and not people
5. Charismatic --> need to build their lives on truths and not just feelings only.
-Jesus balance all 5 styles
-Jesus seek God in solitude wen he draw away frm crowd and go pray
-Jesus is intellectual -->He’s the Word in flesh
-Jesus serves pp --> eg wash his disciples’ feet
-Jesus is relational --> 3 in 1 God --> community or 1st cg..ha..Jesus live life in community.eg, even b4 he prayed, he asked his disciples to pray too.
-Jesus is charismatic --> full of the Holy Spirit and power
Step 5—Consider the implications of this model
Conclusion: Fruitfulness is a by-product of connecting to God
At the end of svc, to my pleasant surprise..haha.. Pst Tan mentioned abt being spiritually employed in church..Coz svc ended early and he wanted us to go fellowship so we can discuss and will understand one anoth style of connecting with God and helping one anoth grow in God..
every member is a minister..we need to be spiritually employed so our church will grow..
man..aft svc, I was surprised again coz Jaz came for svc.. she was supposed to be at rendang and spent the weekend with bro Chris and Jepthah..ha.. den she came and I took the opportunity to tel her that I wan to serve in a ministry.. think I asked her abt prison ministry den she said beta not coz complicated in a sense for a sista esp..so I asked her abt greeter ministry and she said she will tel bro Darren abt it..man..cool..haha..
once again, God, Your timing is so Great..why? coz Rem I mentioned b4 svc wen Dennis and I were sharing, he also told me abt spiritual employability (like 1st confirmation)..
Just now Pst Tan mentioned to be spiritually employed (ha..like 2nd confirmation).. after svc, dennis told me that the word was for me.. I think so too..haha..spiritual employability..and
my 3rd confirmation--I got the opportunity to tell Jaz I wan serve in a ministry (wen I thot I have to tel her wen she’s back on tues).. yeah.. I feel so excited for my future..
*God, it is reali not me serving but You in me.. God, if without You, how would my life be? I surely wouldn’t be able to have my dream come true to teach in ITE College East.. I wouldn’t even have a dream in the first place coz right den I already lost all hope ..but You came to my rescue.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
From Leadership file
From Leadership file
SELF-IMAGE
Quote - 'Let us make man in our image, after our likeness' - Gen 1:27
Roget's Thesaurus - Image - projection, hologram, silhouette, reflection, reproduction, engraving, true-to-life, embodiment.
Your self-image is the likeness of God.
You are not God or a god, but His image is stamped in you.
The me I see is the me I'll be.
You have the mind of Christ.
You have the nature of the Holy Spirit.
You are complete in Him.
The fullness of the Godhead is in you.
If you see yourself through the eyes of others you will generally be defeated.
God tells Gideon, 'You mighty man of valour.'
Jesus tells Peter, 'Upon you I'll build my church.'
He tells you, 'Fear not for I am with you.'
You are a new species of being!
You are forgiven, righteous and holy in His sight!
You are strong, successful and prosperous!
Stepping out with you,
SELF-IMAGE
Quote - 'Let us make man in our image, after our likeness' - Gen 1:27
Roget's Thesaurus - Image - projection, hologram, silhouette, reflection, reproduction, engraving, true-to-life, embodiment.
Your self-image is the likeness of God.
You are not God or a god, but His image is stamped in you.
The me I see is the me I'll be.
You have the mind of Christ.
You have the nature of the Holy Spirit.
You are complete in Him.
The fullness of the Godhead is in you.
If you see yourself through the eyes of others you will generally be defeated.
God tells Gideon, 'You mighty man of valour.'
Jesus tells Peter, 'Upon you I'll build my church.'
He tells you, 'Fear not for I am with you.'
You are a new species of being!
You are forgiven, righteous and holy in His sight!
You are strong, successful and prosperous!
Stepping out with you,
Thurs,29th Mar—someth abt moi
Thurs,29th Mar—someth abt moi
Ha..This is the detailed description of a personality test that I took..haha.. thot it’s pretty true to a certain extent..esp when it mentioned abt my personality type, “If the Feeling part of themself is neglected, the ENTP may not value other people's input enough, or may become overly harsh and aggressive. “..ha..i was like, true.. I am a harsh person..well..in the process of changing to be more loving and kind..and I rem Sy Rogers said b4..
..people change when they grow..
so believe in me that as I grow as a person, grow in God, I’ll be more and more like Jesus..compassionate..
The Visionary
As an ENTP, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you take things in primarily via your intuition. Your secondary mode is internal, where you deal with things rationally and logically.
With Extraverted Intuition dominating their personality, the ENTP's primary interest in life is understanding the world that they live in. They are constantly absorbing ideas and images about the situations they are presented in their lives. Using their intuition to process this information, they are usually extremely quick and accurate in their ability to size up a situation. With the exception of their ENFP cousin, the ENTP has a deeper understanding of their environment than any of the other types.
This ability to intuitively understand people and situations puts the ENTP at a distinct advantage in their lives. They generally understand things quickly and with great depth. Accordingly, they are quite flexible and adapt well to a wide range of tasks. They are good at most anything that interests them. As they grow and further develop their intuitive abilities and insights, they become very aware of possibilities, and this makes them quite resourceful when solving problems.
ENTPs are idea people. Their perceptive abilities cause them to see possibilities everywhere. They get excited and enthusiastic about their ideas, and are able to spread their enthusiasm to others. In this way, they get the support that they need to fulfill their visions.
ENTPs are less interested in developing plans of actions or making decisions than they are in generating possibilities and ideas. Following through on the implementation of an idea is usually a chore to the ENTP. For some ENTPs, this results in the habit of never finishing what they start. The ENTP who has not developed their Thinking process will have problems with jumping enthusiastically from idea to idea, without following through on their plans. The ENTP needs to take care to think through their ideas fully in order to take advantage of them.
The ENTP's auxiliary process of Introverted Thinking drives their decision making process. Although the ENTP is more interested in absorbing information than in making decisions, they are quite rational and logical in reaching conclusions. When they apply Thinking to their Intuitive perceptions, the outcome can be very powerful indeed. A well-developed ENTP is extremely visionary, inventive, and enterprising.
ENTPs are fluent conversationalists, mentally quick, and enjoy verbal sparring with others. They love to debate issues, and may even switch sides sometimes just for the love of the debate. When they express their underlying principles, however, they may feel awkward and speak abruptly and intensely.
The ENTP personality type is sometimes referred to the "Lawyer" type. The ENTP "lawyer" quickly and accurately understands a situation, and objectively and logically acts upon the situation. Their Thinking side makes their actions and decisions based on an objective list of rules or laws. If the ENTP was defending someone who had actually committed a crime, they are likely to take advantage of quirks in the law that will get their client off the hook. If they were to actually win the case, they would see their actions as completely fair and proper to the situation, because their actions were lawful. The guilt or innocence of their client would not be as relevant. If this type of reasoning goes uncompletely unchecked by the ENTP, it could result in a character that is perceived by others as unethical or even dishonest. The ENTP, who does not naturally consider the more personal or human element in decision making, should take care to notice the subjective, personal side of situations. This is a potential problem are for ENTPs. Although their logical abilities lend strength and purpose to the ENTP, they may also isolate them from their feelings and from other people.
The least developed area for the ENTP is the Sensing-Feeling arena. If the Sensing areas are neglected, the ENTP may tend to not take care of details in their life. If the Feeling part of themself is neglected, the ENTP may not value other people's input enough, or may become overly harsh and aggressive.
Under stress, the ENTP may lose their ability to generate possibilities, and become obsessed with minor details. These details may seem to be extremely important to the ENTP, but in reality are usually not important to the big picture.
In general, ENTPs are upbeat visionaries. They highly value knowledge, and spend much of their lives seeking a higher understanding. They live in the world of possibilities, and become excited about concepts, challenges and difficulties. When presented with a problem, they're good at improvising and quickly come up with a creative solution. Creative, clever, curious, and theoretical, ENTPs have a broad range of possibilities in their lives.
Jungian functional preference ordering for ENTP:
Dominant: Extraverted Intuition
Auxiliary: Introverted Thinking
Tertiary: Extraverted Feeling
Inferior: Introverted Sensing
Ha..This is the detailed description of a personality test that I took..haha.. thot it’s pretty true to a certain extent..esp when it mentioned abt my personality type, “If the Feeling part of themself is neglected, the ENTP may not value other people's input enough, or may become overly harsh and aggressive. “..ha..i was like, true.. I am a harsh person..well..in the process of changing to be more loving and kind..and I rem Sy Rogers said b4..
..people change when they grow..
so believe in me that as I grow as a person, grow in God, I’ll be more and more like Jesus..compassionate..
The Visionary
As an ENTP, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you take things in primarily via your intuition. Your secondary mode is internal, where you deal with things rationally and logically.
With Extraverted Intuition dominating their personality, the ENTP's primary interest in life is understanding the world that they live in. They are constantly absorbing ideas and images about the situations they are presented in their lives. Using their intuition to process this information, they are usually extremely quick and accurate in their ability to size up a situation. With the exception of their ENFP cousin, the ENTP has a deeper understanding of their environment than any of the other types.
This ability to intuitively understand people and situations puts the ENTP at a distinct advantage in their lives. They generally understand things quickly and with great depth. Accordingly, they are quite flexible and adapt well to a wide range of tasks. They are good at most anything that interests them. As they grow and further develop their intuitive abilities and insights, they become very aware of possibilities, and this makes them quite resourceful when solving problems.
ENTPs are idea people. Their perceptive abilities cause them to see possibilities everywhere. They get excited and enthusiastic about their ideas, and are able to spread their enthusiasm to others. In this way, they get the support that they need to fulfill their visions.
ENTPs are less interested in developing plans of actions or making decisions than they are in generating possibilities and ideas. Following through on the implementation of an idea is usually a chore to the ENTP. For some ENTPs, this results in the habit of never finishing what they start. The ENTP who has not developed their Thinking process will have problems with jumping enthusiastically from idea to idea, without following through on their plans. The ENTP needs to take care to think through their ideas fully in order to take advantage of them.
The ENTP's auxiliary process of Introverted Thinking drives their decision making process. Although the ENTP is more interested in absorbing information than in making decisions, they are quite rational and logical in reaching conclusions. When they apply Thinking to their Intuitive perceptions, the outcome can be very powerful indeed. A well-developed ENTP is extremely visionary, inventive, and enterprising.
ENTPs are fluent conversationalists, mentally quick, and enjoy verbal sparring with others. They love to debate issues, and may even switch sides sometimes just for the love of the debate. When they express their underlying principles, however, they may feel awkward and speak abruptly and intensely.
The ENTP personality type is sometimes referred to the "Lawyer" type. The ENTP "lawyer" quickly and accurately understands a situation, and objectively and logically acts upon the situation. Their Thinking side makes their actions and decisions based on an objective list of rules or laws. If the ENTP was defending someone who had actually committed a crime, they are likely to take advantage of quirks in the law that will get their client off the hook. If they were to actually win the case, they would see their actions as completely fair and proper to the situation, because their actions were lawful. The guilt or innocence of their client would not be as relevant. If this type of reasoning goes uncompletely unchecked by the ENTP, it could result in a character that is perceived by others as unethical or even dishonest. The ENTP, who does not naturally consider the more personal or human element in decision making, should take care to notice the subjective, personal side of situations. This is a potential problem are for ENTPs. Although their logical abilities lend strength and purpose to the ENTP, they may also isolate them from their feelings and from other people.
The least developed area for the ENTP is the Sensing-Feeling arena. If the Sensing areas are neglected, the ENTP may tend to not take care of details in their life. If the Feeling part of themself is neglected, the ENTP may not value other people's input enough, or may become overly harsh and aggressive.
Under stress, the ENTP may lose their ability to generate possibilities, and become obsessed with minor details. These details may seem to be extremely important to the ENTP, but in reality are usually not important to the big picture.
In general, ENTPs are upbeat visionaries. They highly value knowledge, and spend much of their lives seeking a higher understanding. They live in the world of possibilities, and become excited about concepts, challenges and difficulties. When presented with a problem, they're good at improvising and quickly come up with a creative solution. Creative, clever, curious, and theoretical, ENTPs have a broad range of possibilities in their lives.
Jungian functional preference ordering for ENTP:
Dominant: Extraverted Intuition
Auxiliary: Introverted Thinking
Tertiary: Extraverted Feeling
Inferior: Introverted Sensing
Wed, 28th Mar, 13:26hrs—A simple walk with God
Wed, 28th Mar, 13:26hrs—A simple walk with God
I wan to write this down quickly so I will not forget..
Just now as I was praying, I do have certain amt of doubts and fears.. not doubt in God but in myself.. I am not confident that today as I walk with God, will I be consistent everyday?
Just as I am walking and praying and I sang a song, the moment I knelt down, I felt a feeling that says God believes in me.. I was like “Wow”.. I want to remember that even when I have no confidence in myself, God, He believes in me.. He believe I can make it.. it’s simply wonderful to have God’s belief and confidence in me.. This will certainly motivate me to seek God.. to reali have a simple walk with Him everyday..
I told God, sometimes I desire the fame and high profile that people get as they are rising up to be a leader.. I can be a person prone to pride and ego and hence I prayed to God that His hand will once again be upon me.
Protect my walk with Him, protect my love for Him.. I pray that I will be like Enoch, walk with God daily.. simple walk and not like walk for the walk of having to spend time with him..to enjoy walking and spending time with a wonderful God.. I pray that I will be like King David, that I am a woman after God’s own heart..
As I spend some time with God, I reali want to Thank Him for giving me a bright future in Him..I have a great Destiny in Him.. haha.. just now as I was having faith and speak to my future.. haha.. I feel very happy.. happy that I can have a great future in God.. but more than that I feel that God is hapy and smiling at me.. haha.. not at my foolishness but smiling at my faith to believe Him for a great future in Him..man.. I reali like it..haha.. as I confess and speak into my future,, haha.. loads of faith arise and loads of hope simply filled my heart.. haha.. I know I can Believe in God to do great things in my life..
I wan to continue to speak into my future with positive words and faith coz I know when I do that, My God is smiling at my faith.. He’s smiling bcoz I dare to ask Him for great and prosperous future in Him..
*If I dare to Ask God in Faith.. haha.. God dare to give it to me.. haha..
Thank you Jesus..Thank you Holy Spirit for Your faith in me..
I was thinking abt my 10km race.. was reminded that wen I ran the 10km race.. it is reali running my own race..a race that only I can run and so much of competing with others..
*I am running my own race..
I have fought the good fight,
I have finished the race,
I have kept the faith.
2Tim4:7
I wan to write this down quickly so I will not forget..
Just now as I was praying, I do have certain amt of doubts and fears.. not doubt in God but in myself.. I am not confident that today as I walk with God, will I be consistent everyday?
Just as I am walking and praying and I sang a song, the moment I knelt down, I felt a feeling that says God believes in me.. I was like “Wow”.. I want to remember that even when I have no confidence in myself, God, He believes in me.. He believe I can make it.. it’s simply wonderful to have God’s belief and confidence in me.. This will certainly motivate me to seek God.. to reali have a simple walk with Him everyday..
I told God, sometimes I desire the fame and high profile that people get as they are rising up to be a leader.. I can be a person prone to pride and ego and hence I prayed to God that His hand will once again be upon me.
Protect my walk with Him, protect my love for Him.. I pray that I will be like Enoch, walk with God daily.. simple walk and not like walk for the walk of having to spend time with him..to enjoy walking and spending time with a wonderful God.. I pray that I will be like King David, that I am a woman after God’s own heart..
As I spend some time with God, I reali want to Thank Him for giving me a bright future in Him..I have a great Destiny in Him.. haha.. just now as I was having faith and speak to my future.. haha.. I feel very happy.. happy that I can have a great future in God.. but more than that I feel that God is hapy and smiling at me.. haha.. not at my foolishness but smiling at my faith to believe Him for a great future in Him..man.. I reali like it..haha.. as I confess and speak into my future,, haha.. loads of faith arise and loads of hope simply filled my heart.. haha.. I know I can Believe in God to do great things in my life..
I wan to continue to speak into my future with positive words and faith coz I know when I do that, My God is smiling at my faith.. He’s smiling bcoz I dare to ask Him for great and prosperous future in Him..
*If I dare to Ask God in Faith.. haha.. God dare to give it to me.. haha..
Thank you Jesus..Thank you Holy Spirit for Your faith in me..
I was thinking abt my 10km race.. was reminded that wen I ran the 10km race.. it is reali running my own race..a race that only I can run and so much of competing with others..
*I am running my own race..
I have fought the good fight,
I have finished the race,
I have kept the faith.
2Tim4:7
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Moi sista--phine
Wed, 28th Mar. 00:36am—To my sista—Phine..
Act I don know how many time si have Thank God for my sista, phine..haha.. I so thank God that I am able to communicate with her like a friend..sth I reali treasure thou sometimes i don treat her too nice..haha..she was with me when I so needed listening ears..haha.. also amazing she has tremendous listening power..haha..coz I talked so much.. I reali want tak this portion to appreciate my sis.. think yest when she mentioned that she does read my blog, oi was like wow.. haha.. my sis is interested in my life..amazing man.. ha.. I do share qt a lot with her, esp when I am very very very upset with some people and stuff, she’s here to lend me her ears..
Thanks loads phine.. haha..
Apart from listening.. man I Thank God that she is such a wise gal.. my gosh.. always honest to give me wise and good advice.. direct but not bursting my ego..haha.. she’s good.. haha..i also enjoyed her telling me her “vision” and “Future”..haha.. I seriously have this feeling that her vision will come true.. haha.. don noe why, mayb coz she kept confessing her “future”..haha.. haha.. so looking forward to see her future.. goodness.. very excited act..haha..
Act 1 th I feel abt her vision is.. I believe it takes TIME.. I feel that along the way, temptations will SURELY, CERTAINLY, CONFIRM will come, but I believe as she stay focus and fixed in that “vision”, she will eventually reap a great “Future”..haha.. mei mei, wait k.. keep waiting..good things or people are always WORTH the WAIT..ha..i reali pray for your future phine.. be patient and stay focus.. you’ve done so well so far.. please, keep going..believe in you and for you..ha..
Well coming back,it’s my pride to see my sis serving so much in church..haha..lik I said b4, I din noe I’m act living with a PCGL..haha.. but phine, always stay focus yea.. service is always bcoz of your relationship with God.. always always stay passionate for God..make a conscious decision to always love Him coz He is reali so good to us.. He is good bcoz He is love..he can’t help but to Love and to be good, to be good to us.. amazing God..ha..
Last but not least, phine, I thank God for you.. I Thank you for being such a wonderful sista to me.. I may not tell you verbally but it is always my joy to tell people abt you coz you are such a joy to my heart.. if you were not there wen I needed listening ears, ha.. guess, I would have died emotionally many times.. haha.. you are like the 1st aid b4 I approach God coz sometimes I reali get retarded in seeking God when I get upset.. haha..
Thank you Delphine Tang.. you’re the best sista I eva have….haha..
(coz you’re the only one sis I have..hahaha..)
Act I don know how many time si have Thank God for my sista, phine..haha.. I so thank God that I am able to communicate with her like a friend..sth I reali treasure thou sometimes i don treat her too nice..haha..she was with me when I so needed listening ears..haha.. also amazing she has tremendous listening power..haha..coz I talked so much.. I reali want tak this portion to appreciate my sis.. think yest when she mentioned that she does read my blog, oi was like wow.. haha.. my sis is interested in my life..amazing man.. ha.. I do share qt a lot with her, esp when I am very very very upset with some people and stuff, she’s here to lend me her ears..
Thanks loads phine.. haha..
Apart from listening.. man I Thank God that she is such a wise gal.. my gosh.. always honest to give me wise and good advice.. direct but not bursting my ego..haha.. she’s good.. haha..i also enjoyed her telling me her “vision” and “Future”..haha.. I seriously have this feeling that her vision will come true.. haha.. don noe why, mayb coz she kept confessing her “future”..haha.. haha.. so looking forward to see her future.. goodness.. very excited act..haha..
Act 1 th I feel abt her vision is.. I believe it takes TIME.. I feel that along the way, temptations will SURELY, CERTAINLY, CONFIRM will come, but I believe as she stay focus and fixed in that “vision”, she will eventually reap a great “Future”..haha.. mei mei, wait k.. keep waiting..good things or people are always WORTH the WAIT..ha..i reali pray for your future phine.. be patient and stay focus.. you’ve done so well so far.. please, keep going..believe in you and for you..ha..
Well coming back,it’s my pride to see my sis serving so much in church..haha..lik I said b4, I din noe I’m act living with a PCGL..haha.. but phine, always stay focus yea.. service is always bcoz of your relationship with God.. always always stay passionate for God..make a conscious decision to always love Him coz He is reali so good to us.. He is good bcoz He is love..he can’t help but to Love and to be good, to be good to us.. amazing God..ha..
Last but not least, phine, I thank God for you.. I Thank you for being such a wonderful sista to me.. I may not tell you verbally but it is always my joy to tell people abt you coz you are such a joy to my heart.. if you were not there wen I needed listening ears, ha.. guess, I would have died emotionally many times.. haha.. you are like the 1st aid b4 I approach God coz sometimes I reali get retarded in seeking God when I get upset.. haha..
Thank you Delphine Tang.. you’re the best sista I eva have….haha..
(coz you’re the only one sis I have..hahaha..)
Tues,27th March—Come up to Me
Tues,27th March—Come up to Me
Yest, I was running..man.. one of the rare times that I don feel like running for long.. guess no motivation..den as I was walking home..think I needed to learn to enjoy running again..think sometimes we are so bend on certain goals we want to achieve that we forget to enjoy things..at least for me..so likewise, I wan to learn to enjoy God.. enjoy His presence..enjoy walking with Him, spending time with Him..
Take time.. take time to Enjoy my relationship with God..juz like Enoch, he walked with God den he was no more coz he walked so close with God that’s it’s nearer to go to God’s place den for him to go home..ha..
Hmmm..Walk with God.. am I willing to walk with Him? Am I willing to spend time with God?..sometimes it’s difficult..not that I don love Him but I recognize that most of the time, I love myself more..isn’t it true, I can spent 6hrs, 5hrs den 4 hrs in 3 days to chase Ella show so passionately but to take 1 hr with God can be such a test on patience..this is absurd man..How precious is God to me? What is His value to me? Good to reflect..
Act God is so very good to me..so many times, so many years He is always with me..Never let me go, always protect me from all my foolish doing..reali without God how would my life be?
i would be stuck in that situation aft breakup, no vision no hope.. dying on the inside.. reali..if God had not snatched me back, I won’t even be a teacher now.. a dream that I prayed so hard for..
Now as I write.. reali remembering God’s amazing goodness..it’s amazing how He did not force us to love Him back.. ah.. I rem I read a statement in Harvest time.. sth I wanted to email brian but I failed to do so.. so here to share with you Brian..
“ You cannot truly love without the freedom of choice. If someone loves you because they were programmed to love you, that is not love. In order for true love to exist, it must come out of your freedom to choose. If we were programmed to love, then we are robots, and God certainly did not create us to be robots. Hence, He took the risk of giving us the choice to accept Him…or to reject Him. The presence of choice means that the universe is open!” ~ Rev. A.R.Bernard
Hmmm.. act can’t reali rem why I strongly wanted to email brian abt this, guess it’s one of the qn he posed or sth that we discuss or sth along that line..it’s amazing.. as I wrote that.. I feel, yes, it’s so true..
True love exist because there is a choice made to love..
I seriously think God is such a Great Lover with HUGE HUGE HUGE capacity to LOVE..man.. looking beyond our weaknesses + foolishness, He is ever so accepting, ever so hopeful and ever so patient to work in our lives.. to woo our hearts to Him.. God, You’re amazing..i want to walk with You.. I may not be perfect, along the way, I will surely trip and fall and disappoint You.. But God, I make a commitment to You today that I will walk with you everyday.. I will learn to love You.. To fellowship with You.. To know Your love juz as I’m known in Your eyes..
Forever my Protector, Thank you I can have a bright future in You..
Forever my Saviour, Thank you for your limitless Love twds me..
Forever my Father God, I can always feel so safe and accepted by You..
Thank you for covering my sins and see me as clean because of Jesus..
May my heart always be loyal to You.. You are my God and I am Yours..
Yest, I was running..man.. one of the rare times that I don feel like running for long.. guess no motivation..den as I was walking home..think I needed to learn to enjoy running again..think sometimes we are so bend on certain goals we want to achieve that we forget to enjoy things..at least for me..so likewise, I wan to learn to enjoy God.. enjoy His presence..enjoy walking with Him, spending time with Him..
Take time.. take time to Enjoy my relationship with God..juz like Enoch, he walked with God den he was no more coz he walked so close with God that’s it’s nearer to go to God’s place den for him to go home..ha..
Hmmm..Walk with God.. am I willing to walk with Him? Am I willing to spend time with God?..sometimes it’s difficult..not that I don love Him but I recognize that most of the time, I love myself more..isn’t it true, I can spent 6hrs, 5hrs den 4 hrs in 3 days to chase Ella show so passionately but to take 1 hr with God can be such a test on patience..this is absurd man..How precious is God to me? What is His value to me? Good to reflect..
Act God is so very good to me..so many times, so many years He is always with me..Never let me go, always protect me from all my foolish doing..reali without God how would my life be?
i would be stuck in that situation aft breakup, no vision no hope.. dying on the inside.. reali..if God had not snatched me back, I won’t even be a teacher now.. a dream that I prayed so hard for..
Now as I write.. reali remembering God’s amazing goodness..it’s amazing how He did not force us to love Him back.. ah.. I rem I read a statement in Harvest time.. sth I wanted to email brian but I failed to do so.. so here to share with you Brian..
“ You cannot truly love without the freedom of choice. If someone loves you because they were programmed to love you, that is not love. In order for true love to exist, it must come out of your freedom to choose. If we were programmed to love, then we are robots, and God certainly did not create us to be robots. Hence, He took the risk of giving us the choice to accept Him…or to reject Him. The presence of choice means that the universe is open!” ~ Rev. A.R.Bernard
Hmmm.. act can’t reali rem why I strongly wanted to email brian abt this, guess it’s one of the qn he posed or sth that we discuss or sth along that line..it’s amazing.. as I wrote that.. I feel, yes, it’s so true..
True love exist because there is a choice made to love..
I seriously think God is such a Great Lover with HUGE HUGE HUGE capacity to LOVE..man.. looking beyond our weaknesses + foolishness, He is ever so accepting, ever so hopeful and ever so patient to work in our lives.. to woo our hearts to Him.. God, You’re amazing..i want to walk with You.. I may not be perfect, along the way, I will surely trip and fall and disappoint You.. But God, I make a commitment to You today that I will walk with you everyday.. I will learn to love You.. To fellowship with You.. To know Your love juz as I’m known in Your eyes..
Forever my Protector, Thank you I can have a bright future in You..
Forever my Saviour, Thank you for your limitless Love twds me..
Forever my Father God, I can always feel so safe and accepted by You..
Thank you for covering my sins and see me as clean because of Jesus..
May my heart always be loyal to You.. You are my God and I am Yours..
Heart After You
Heart After You
Create in me, a new heart
One that follows You
Place in me
A deep desire
To know You as I’m known
Set my feet in Your ways
To live worthy of Your call
Draw me near to You Lord
Every single day
I just want to be more like You
Walk with you beside me
Lord won’t You be my guide
Place Your heart inside my soul
A heart that’s ever true
One that’s after You
All I desire
A heart after You
All I desire
A heart after You
Create in me, a new heart
One that follows You
Place in me
A deep desire
To know You as I’m known
Set my feet in Your ways
To live worthy of Your call
Draw me near to You Lord
Every single day
I just want to be more like You
Walk with you beside me
Lord won’t You be my guide
Place Your heart inside my soul
A heart that’s ever true
One that’s after You
All I desire
A heart after You
All I desire
A heart after You
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Sun, 25th March—God is Glorious
Sun, 25th March—God is Glorious
I think I am getting more and more impressed with God.. It’s simply incredible at how I can be so unfaithful and disloyal to God and yet he remains unchanged, ever so faithful, ever so good to move in my life to change me for the beta..
Past few days had been qt a rough patch for the friendship btw Kenneth and I.. I was reali extremely upset with him.. even yest wen I called him b4 svc and we finally get to talk after so many days, it was like a “war” call.. at least I think I am the one blasting and bombing at him..gosh.. I was not at all self controlled or “not affected” as I said I was.. I simply blew at him and I know that his heart twds me was one of much frustrations as well…think we were having such great communication breakdown..despite the rough patch, I still gotta brace myself to go for grandmama’s bdae celeb lata.
Coming back to today, during service wen Pst Tan was sharing the offering msg.. gosh, he spoke something which kinda struck me..”do you know whenever we make a prayer, we are actually making demands out of 2 persons?”
I was like thinking God and ?...den Pst Tan said, weneva we prayed eg, pray for promotion, we are act making demands from God and ourselves ( the 2 persons).. reason being when we pray, we asked God to help and meanwhile we are also demanding from ourselves to work hard to get that promotion that God wants to bless us with..
we can pray, God will move but we must move too.. we must position ourselves to that prayer that we ask God to bless us in..no wonder it’s a partnership with God.. we pray that God will work, we must work hard too..
Today Pst Casey Treat is preaching on visions and dreams..man.. he said someth in the beginning that reali caught my attention..he said that Israel grieved and limited Him(God) bcoz they forgot the power of His.. I was thinking, yes, it’s so true.. many a times I limited God bcoz I have forgotten how powerful He was when he rescued me out of so many mess and situations..
think for the past week when so many things have happened, I did not seek God.. I was so self absorbed in the situations that I reali did not pray much or read the bible as I should have done.. despite my ill response to seek God, I can reali see the goodness of God in my life..He is faithful even when I am not..
Starting from wed, God sent Kat to drop a simple msg to me,
thurs, terence came to help in collecting the cake and the dina turned out well too,
fri, my briefing at HQ, I have Eng Kai,my colleague, to help me install and do all the technical stuff of IT which I was relatively afraid to do..
sat, I had a great family dina..
and come today sun, I attended a svc which I wan to write down what I felt..
Today Pst Casey spoke on visions and dreams.. I felt that God is speaking so many times on visions and dreams since last fri’s and this fri seminar,and even today svc.. it took me so long to realize that it is time that I should have a vision for myself..it has been a long time since I desire for anyth or rather, had a vision for something that I can run all out for..
Pst said, Faith is the substance of things hoped for..
-By faith I frame my world with my words
-Bible is known as the word of faith
-I will have what I believe and say.
-Hope is HOW I SEE my future
-Hope is WHAT I DESIRE for my future
-Hope is what I believe and desire for my future
-When I feel hopeless. I feel helpless
Isn’t it true when bible says that without vision, people perish..without HOPE (vision for the future), people perish..
-Hope is for TML, Faith is for NOW.
So what is HOPE?
Hope is my DESIRE for TML..add faith to prayer, my hope will come true.
Another thing Pst Casey said caught my attention.. in Acts 2: 16-18,
The 1st evidence of Holy Spirit in my life is Visions and Dreams and then we will begin to prophesy (to prophesy doesn’t only mean foretelling the future, it meant also to Speak to My Future)
I need to prophesy into my future and right then in my mind I was thinking abt my studies,my future( work), even my future partner, my finances, my health and body, and my family.
-I gotta SEE things for my Future
Acts 26:19 Paul lived his life with a vision, a purpose from God, a hope, a future..
-My vision will determine the kind of life I live
-My vision determines my life
- I will be obedient to the heavenly vision..
-How to do all the impossible that church has done and have it in my own life?
-Have that God’s vision in my heart
Live my life out of my spirit..not out of my flesh, not out of my mind(intellect) but out of my spirit man.
-Visions and dreams come out of my spirit joined with the Holy Spirit
-Therefore, walk, seek and mature in God.
-I gotta be sensitive to the Holy Spirit in my spirit.
-I lived my life out of my spirit, a vision, a purpose and use my body to live out the vision.
1 Cor 2:9-12
-I have the Holy Spirit so I can know what I have I God
-I have the Holy Spirit so I can know my future, purpose and destiny in God.
-I need to give myself to Listen, to seek the Holy Spirit.
My Vision is my Future
Mt 6:22 My eye is the light of my physical body
ð my Vision Directs my Life
ð wherever I look, I will head twds there.
-If I focus on it, I head twds it
Eg..if you are driving and you are looking right when you are driving straight, it will come a point that your body and hands will inclined twds right if you look in that direction long enuf..
-Therefore What am I looking at?
Wen Pst pop this qn I was made aware at my response twds Kenneth.. much as I don want to be affected or said I was not affected, but the moment I thot of my anger and the more I thot( the image) of what he has done, much as I don wan to be uncontrolled and blast at him..i did.. why? Coz like Pst said, I will do what I’m focus at.. my body will turn to the direction of my vision.. if I only have negative and image twds him, naturally my body will respond likewise..
-I’m just like my Vision said..
Pst gave eg like, some pp think that they behave weird in front of pp and pp don like them.. having that thinking in mind, those pp naturally will act weirdly in front of pp and when pp saw that they are acting oddly, they don get so close to them and those pp will think “ See! It happen! People don like me!”
-We are just like our vision (eye) said.
Qn: Where is my focus?
-What I see is what I get.
-Whatever gets into my eyes, gets into my life..
That’s why the devil planted so much pornography in the internet coz
bad image = bad future
small vision = small future
HUGE Vision = HUGE Future
Ever wonder what made Abraham special in God’s eyes?
It is bcoz Abraham believed in the vision that God has given him and God accounted it as righteousness..
If it is God’s will, it is God’s bill
If it is God’s vision, God will give the provision..
Isn’t it so cool that God is so good, wanting us to have good vision in life so that our future will be good as well..
But what’s the requirement?
That we will walk with Him and seek and listen to Him..
To conclude in a sense,
I reali feel that God is good.. wat I wrote above is what I wrote down as my sermon notes.. I feel that God is good coz what hap during the past week are reali things that I can learn.
-Will my heart stay loyal to God when bad things hap?
-Will I walk with God, seek and listen to Him?
-Will I choose to focus on the good things and not on the bad?
-Can I be an encouraging friend instead of being a self-centred friend?
-What is my vision now? What am I reali looking at?
God has in store so much great things for me, am I able to stay focus and fulfil my destiny in Him.. It will certainly take Focus and Discipline.
O last note, Pst mentioned, do not miss any church mtgs coz these are opportunities for God to show us glimpses of His vision..
For more information on God’s vision—walk with Him..haha..
Hallelujah! God is great and mighty Good Father God..Amen!
Final note..Listen to the Holy Spirit coz He’s the one who gives us the visions—our hope and future
Sat,24th Mar—Happy Grandmama birthday celebration
Haha.. it is reali amazing how so many people came for grandmama’s bdae celebration.. dist relatives I probably haven met like in 10 yrs or more appeared and some of them still look pretty much the same..ha..some of the younger ones have now grown up and no longer the cute little ones..haha.. I rem Carol, the chubby little gal that my grandma took care of wen she was like 3 yrs old or younger is now 17yrs old.. she is pretty looking.. gosh.. I probably haven met her like 15 yrs plus and of course when I asked her, she has no remembrance of me..haha.. to think I reali dote on her last time..haha..
We ate and we sung.. qt fun reali to have such a gathering.. I can see that grandma washappy but worried to a certain extent.. I feel that she is getting more conscious of her age and health and I feel that she was reserved in her joy yest.. I will certainly wan to spend more time with her now coz she needs us more I would think..
I think I am getting more and more impressed with God.. It’s simply incredible at how I can be so unfaithful and disloyal to God and yet he remains unchanged, ever so faithful, ever so good to move in my life to change me for the beta..
Past few days had been qt a rough patch for the friendship btw Kenneth and I.. I was reali extremely upset with him.. even yest wen I called him b4 svc and we finally get to talk after so many days, it was like a “war” call.. at least I think I am the one blasting and bombing at him..gosh.. I was not at all self controlled or “not affected” as I said I was.. I simply blew at him and I know that his heart twds me was one of much frustrations as well…think we were having such great communication breakdown..despite the rough patch, I still gotta brace myself to go for grandmama’s bdae celeb lata.
Coming back to today, during service wen Pst Tan was sharing the offering msg.. gosh, he spoke something which kinda struck me..”do you know whenever we make a prayer, we are actually making demands out of 2 persons?”
I was like thinking God and ?...den Pst Tan said, weneva we prayed eg, pray for promotion, we are act making demands from God and ourselves ( the 2 persons).. reason being when we pray, we asked God to help and meanwhile we are also demanding from ourselves to work hard to get that promotion that God wants to bless us with..
we can pray, God will move but we must move too.. we must position ourselves to that prayer that we ask God to bless us in..no wonder it’s a partnership with God.. we pray that God will work, we must work hard too..
Today Pst Casey Treat is preaching on visions and dreams..man.. he said someth in the beginning that reali caught my attention..he said that Israel grieved and limited Him(God) bcoz they forgot the power of His.. I was thinking, yes, it’s so true.. many a times I limited God bcoz I have forgotten how powerful He was when he rescued me out of so many mess and situations..
think for the past week when so many things have happened, I did not seek God.. I was so self absorbed in the situations that I reali did not pray much or read the bible as I should have done.. despite my ill response to seek God, I can reali see the goodness of God in my life..He is faithful even when I am not..
Starting from wed, God sent Kat to drop a simple msg to me,
thurs, terence came to help in collecting the cake and the dina turned out well too,
fri, my briefing at HQ, I have Eng Kai,my colleague, to help me install and do all the technical stuff of IT which I was relatively afraid to do..
sat, I had a great family dina..
and come today sun, I attended a svc which I wan to write down what I felt..
Today Pst Casey spoke on visions and dreams.. I felt that God is speaking so many times on visions and dreams since last fri’s and this fri seminar,and even today svc.. it took me so long to realize that it is time that I should have a vision for myself..it has been a long time since I desire for anyth or rather, had a vision for something that I can run all out for..
Pst said, Faith is the substance of things hoped for..
-By faith I frame my world with my words
-Bible is known as the word of faith
-I will have what I believe and say.
-Hope is HOW I SEE my future
-Hope is WHAT I DESIRE for my future
-Hope is what I believe and desire for my future
-When I feel hopeless. I feel helpless
Isn’t it true when bible says that without vision, people perish..without HOPE (vision for the future), people perish..
-Hope is for TML, Faith is for NOW.
So what is HOPE?
Hope is my DESIRE for TML..add faith to prayer, my hope will come true.
Another thing Pst Casey said caught my attention.. in Acts 2: 16-18,
The 1st evidence of Holy Spirit in my life is Visions and Dreams and then we will begin to prophesy (to prophesy doesn’t only mean foretelling the future, it meant also to Speak to My Future)
I need to prophesy into my future and right then in my mind I was thinking abt my studies,my future( work), even my future partner, my finances, my health and body, and my family.
-I gotta SEE things for my Future
Acts 26:19 Paul lived his life with a vision, a purpose from God, a hope, a future..
-My vision will determine the kind of life I live
-My vision determines my life
- I will be obedient to the heavenly vision..
-How to do all the impossible that church has done and have it in my own life?
-Have that God’s vision in my heart
Live my life out of my spirit..not out of my flesh, not out of my mind(intellect) but out of my spirit man.
-Visions and dreams come out of my spirit joined with the Holy Spirit
-Therefore, walk, seek and mature in God.
-I gotta be sensitive to the Holy Spirit in my spirit.
-I lived my life out of my spirit, a vision, a purpose and use my body to live out the vision.
1 Cor 2:9-12
-I have the Holy Spirit so I can know what I have I God
-I have the Holy Spirit so I can know my future, purpose and destiny in God.
-I need to give myself to Listen, to seek the Holy Spirit.
My Vision is my Future
Mt 6:22 My eye is the light of my physical body
ð my Vision Directs my Life
ð wherever I look, I will head twds there.
-If I focus on it, I head twds it
Eg..if you are driving and you are looking right when you are driving straight, it will come a point that your body and hands will inclined twds right if you look in that direction long enuf..
-Therefore What am I looking at?
Wen Pst pop this qn I was made aware at my response twds Kenneth.. much as I don want to be affected or said I was not affected, but the moment I thot of my anger and the more I thot( the image) of what he has done, much as I don wan to be uncontrolled and blast at him..i did.. why? Coz like Pst said, I will do what I’m focus at.. my body will turn to the direction of my vision.. if I only have negative and image twds him, naturally my body will respond likewise..
-I’m just like my Vision said..
Pst gave eg like, some pp think that they behave weird in front of pp and pp don like them.. having that thinking in mind, those pp naturally will act weirdly in front of pp and when pp saw that they are acting oddly, they don get so close to them and those pp will think “ See! It happen! People don like me!”
-We are just like our vision (eye) said.
Qn: Where is my focus?
-What I see is what I get.
-Whatever gets into my eyes, gets into my life..
That’s why the devil planted so much pornography in the internet coz
bad image = bad future
small vision = small future
HUGE Vision = HUGE Future
Ever wonder what made Abraham special in God’s eyes?
It is bcoz Abraham believed in the vision that God has given him and God accounted it as righteousness..
If it is God’s will, it is God’s bill
If it is God’s vision, God will give the provision..
Isn’t it so cool that God is so good, wanting us to have good vision in life so that our future will be good as well..
But what’s the requirement?
That we will walk with Him and seek and listen to Him..
To conclude in a sense,
I reali feel that God is good.. wat I wrote above is what I wrote down as my sermon notes.. I feel that God is good coz what hap during the past week are reali things that I can learn.
-Will my heart stay loyal to God when bad things hap?
-Will I walk with God, seek and listen to Him?
-Will I choose to focus on the good things and not on the bad?
-Can I be an encouraging friend instead of being a self-centred friend?
-What is my vision now? What am I reali looking at?
God has in store so much great things for me, am I able to stay focus and fulfil my destiny in Him.. It will certainly take Focus and Discipline.
O last note, Pst mentioned, do not miss any church mtgs coz these are opportunities for God to show us glimpses of His vision..
For more information on God’s vision—walk with Him..haha..
Hallelujah! God is great and mighty Good Father God..Amen!
Final note..Listen to the Holy Spirit coz He’s the one who gives us the visions—our hope and future
Sat,24th Mar—Happy Grandmama birthday celebration
Haha.. it is reali amazing how so many people came for grandmama’s bdae celebration.. dist relatives I probably haven met like in 10 yrs or more appeared and some of them still look pretty much the same..ha..some of the younger ones have now grown up and no longer the cute little ones..haha.. I rem Carol, the chubby little gal that my grandma took care of wen she was like 3 yrs old or younger is now 17yrs old.. she is pretty looking.. gosh.. I probably haven met her like 15 yrs plus and of course when I asked her, she has no remembrance of me..haha.. to think I reali dote on her last time..haha..
We ate and we sung.. qt fun reali to have such a gathering.. I can see that grandma washappy but worried to a certain extent.. I feel that she is getting more conscious of her age and health and I feel that she was reserved in her joy yest.. I will certainly wan to spend more time with her now coz she needs us more I would think..
Friday, March 23, 2007
Fri,23rd Mar—People thrive in Praises and encouragement..
Fri,23rd Mar—People thrive in Praises and encouragement..
Yest, 22nd Mar..i felt so very encouraged by Kristy..haha.. coz we attended a sports taping course and throughout the hands-on taping time when I taped her ankle, thumb and knee, she kept praising me that I was very neat in my taping which is good..haha.. that gave me loads of ego food man..haha..even thou she did mention that she was surprised by my neatness coz my table is so messy..haha..but I feel that the praises she gave me had made me confident at least in this one area, sports taping..haha..
So I conclude, people thrive in praises..at least I did..
Hmmm..anoth matter,act I was reali upset last night..i org a cg bdae celebration for Bernard, christine and bavis at a thai restaurant..
Act Kenneth was supposed to help me collect cake and bring to far east plaza..then I don noe wat hap to kenneth but one word he said reali made me flare.. he said he was too ENGROSS telling his sis bf his troubles and he needed some advice..gosh wen I read that msg.. I almost pengz.. I was wondering, do you mean that when you are engross in some conversation that you are able to shrug your responsibility away like that?
I was thinking,” don promise to help wen you cant fulfil it and don crap when you said you are engross in some conversation.. cant you continue aft the dina..” I simply could not understand what could be so troubling that he can act be like so irresponsible in a sense..
I was so very upset coz already I am carrying a big bag with all 3 presents and I was rushing e 3 cards, to touch up in a sense.. I finished abt 6.30pm, rushing to bathe den go out and came his msg telling me last min he cant help..gosh..
But thank God, terence is available to help..if not I wil reali collapse.. act wen I was searching for help, I had a miss call to chris, so wen he called me back, I told him abt the situation and I teared.. I was reali tense.. man..even writing now, can feel my tears coming..i felt that Kenneth was very selfish twds us.. not juz me.. I feel like asking what was he thinking abt wen he said he was ENGROSS in some conversation that he shrug off the responsibility like that.. I was upset also coz I felt that wen I needed his help the most, he’s not here again.. so upset.. gosh..
Anyway, before I am able to write all these now, I act “demanded” an explanation from him this afternoon..i told him I cant accept what he said,having problems.. it made no sense to me.. but after a while, I was thinking, who m I to demand from him? He has his own life to live, own decisions to make, I cannot control him..much as I wan to show him wat are the things I feel is of high value,but if he doesn’t recognize it, everyth will still be the same..so now, in a sense I cant be bother, at least I am not affected emotionally anymore. If he wants to be left alone which is a dangerous thing to do if he wants to be flooded wih guilt or wateva, wat can I do.. think like chris said, gotta pray for him..
and I muz learn to mature in my response as well.. wen I said he is selfish, I don feel any beta too..
*I’m such an imperfect person under God’s amazing grace..
Yest, 22nd Mar..i felt so very encouraged by Kristy..haha.. coz we attended a sports taping course and throughout the hands-on taping time when I taped her ankle, thumb and knee, she kept praising me that I was very neat in my taping which is good..haha.. that gave me loads of ego food man..haha..even thou she did mention that she was surprised by my neatness coz my table is so messy..haha..but I feel that the praises she gave me had made me confident at least in this one area, sports taping..haha..
So I conclude, people thrive in praises..at least I did..
Hmmm..anoth matter,act I was reali upset last night..i org a cg bdae celebration for Bernard, christine and bavis at a thai restaurant..
Act Kenneth was supposed to help me collect cake and bring to far east plaza..then I don noe wat hap to kenneth but one word he said reali made me flare.. he said he was too ENGROSS telling his sis bf his troubles and he needed some advice..gosh wen I read that msg.. I almost pengz.. I was wondering, do you mean that when you are engross in some conversation that you are able to shrug your responsibility away like that?
I was thinking,” don promise to help wen you cant fulfil it and don crap when you said you are engross in some conversation.. cant you continue aft the dina..” I simply could not understand what could be so troubling that he can act be like so irresponsible in a sense..
I was so very upset coz already I am carrying a big bag with all 3 presents and I was rushing e 3 cards, to touch up in a sense.. I finished abt 6.30pm, rushing to bathe den go out and came his msg telling me last min he cant help..gosh..
But thank God, terence is available to help..if not I wil reali collapse.. act wen I was searching for help, I had a miss call to chris, so wen he called me back, I told him abt the situation and I teared.. I was reali tense.. man..even writing now, can feel my tears coming..i felt that Kenneth was very selfish twds us.. not juz me.. I feel like asking what was he thinking abt wen he said he was ENGROSS in some conversation that he shrug off the responsibility like that.. I was upset also coz I felt that wen I needed his help the most, he’s not here again.. so upset.. gosh..
Anyway, before I am able to write all these now, I act “demanded” an explanation from him this afternoon..i told him I cant accept what he said,having problems.. it made no sense to me.. but after a while, I was thinking, who m I to demand from him? He has his own life to live, own decisions to make, I cannot control him..much as I wan to show him wat are the things I feel is of high value,but if he doesn’t recognize it, everyth will still be the same..so now, in a sense I cant be bother, at least I am not affected emotionally anymore. If he wants to be left alone which is a dangerous thing to do if he wants to be flooded wih guilt or wateva, wat can I do.. think like chris said, gotta pray for him..
and I muz learn to mature in my response as well.. wen I said he is selfish, I don feel any beta too..
*I’m such an imperfect person under God’s amazing grace..
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Wed, 21st Mar, 11:51 am- God’s amazing timing
Wed, 21st Mar, 11:51 am- God’s amazing timing
Sometimes I think God is reali so interesting.. just wen I was filled with guilt over all my cheating and feel that I needed to tell someone.. right at that point.. God’s timing is Just In Time once again.. He is never too early nor too late for me.. Once again, God has proven His goodness to me..Gosh.. you’re amazing..
So wat’s the amazing thing abt God? Well..i was dying to tell someone abt wat I'm doing and there and then, Kat msg me, asking me how I was doing and stuff.. I replied saying I was feeling down over some stuff that she came online specially for me.. thou it was like reali short conversation for us. I find so much comfort and encouragement from her again.. my 1st reply to her hp msg was “ I think you are reali heaven sent friend to me”.. I couldn’t believe that just that moment I so needed God, needed a friend,that she came to my rescue.. man.. I felt that it’s God’s hand of rescue to me..
I felt so much beta that I am able to tell a friend my struggles and she never cease to encourage me..but most imptly, I Thank God for His ever just in time saving grace and hand of rescue for my imperfect life..thank you Jesus, my saviour, my best of friend.
Sometimes I think God is reali so interesting.. just wen I was filled with guilt over all my cheating and feel that I needed to tell someone.. right at that point.. God’s timing is Just In Time once again.. He is never too early nor too late for me.. Once again, God has proven His goodness to me..Gosh.. you’re amazing..
So wat’s the amazing thing abt God? Well..i was dying to tell someone abt wat I'm doing and there and then, Kat msg me, asking me how I was doing and stuff.. I replied saying I was feeling down over some stuff that she came online specially for me.. thou it was like reali short conversation for us. I find so much comfort and encouragement from her again.. my 1st reply to her hp msg was “ I think you are reali heaven sent friend to me”.. I couldn’t believe that just that moment I so needed God, needed a friend,that she came to my rescue.. man.. I felt that it’s God’s hand of rescue to me..
I felt so much beta that I am able to tell a friend my struggles and she never cease to encourage me..but most imptly, I Thank God for His ever just in time saving grace and hand of rescue for my imperfect life..thank you Jesus, my saviour, my best of friend.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Wed, 21st March—Conscience dead again..God's saving grace
Wed, 21st March—Conscience dead again..
Think it’s scary to feel conscience dead.. I’m reali wondering, “God, how to survive?” How to be a christian in the midst of all these false data tabulation? I am cheating too.. consolidating data I know is false from the start..man..think this gonna be a long battle as long as I’m in ITE..gosh..i rem I read sth on mon,the Happiness book..it says Happiness is listening to your conscience..
Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does. (Josh Billings)
Feel that these 2 days I am like killing my conscience again and again.. prett dead now..was praying in the morn, God protect me..now I feel dead again..where’s my happiness..i am not..one of the times I don feel happy..conscience dead I suppose..
Kill me..dying..faint..haiz..so no life..do I feel like crying? Maybe not..cant feel anyth..man..think I need to tell someone soon b4 I die out totally..gosh.. how? Is there someone who cheat in the bible but God turn his life around? Who God? Anyone whom I can find some hope in? someone who can show me it is possible to keep my integrity in the midst of all falses and lies? Someone?
Now feel like crying a bit man.. so helpless..gosh..man..i miss my sec sch days where I am not troubled like this..this is real reality set man.. how strong is my faith now? I will not fall..i’m not so weak as I would believe.. I reali so need God’s saving hand to come and lift me up again.. so very much need God’s saving grace.. think as I am writing this.. I can feel God’s comfort in a sense.. think I am not alone facing all these.. I sud rem David in the bible, IN Psalms.. he been thru loads more man..despite all God still considers him to be a man after his heart.. God, I so very much need You.. think tears are in my eyes now.. God, I so need you now..so need Your saving hand.. snatch me out of this situation again.. God save me..You are a good God despite all..
Think it’s scary to feel conscience dead.. I’m reali wondering, “God, how to survive?” How to be a christian in the midst of all these false data tabulation? I am cheating too.. consolidating data I know is false from the start..man..think this gonna be a long battle as long as I’m in ITE..gosh..i rem I read sth on mon,the Happiness book..it says Happiness is listening to your conscience..
Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does. (Josh Billings)
Feel that these 2 days I am like killing my conscience again and again.. prett dead now..was praying in the morn, God protect me..now I feel dead again..where’s my happiness..i am not..one of the times I don feel happy..conscience dead I suppose..
Kill me..dying..faint..haiz..so no life..do I feel like crying? Maybe not..cant feel anyth..man..think I need to tell someone soon b4 I die out totally..gosh.. how? Is there someone who cheat in the bible but God turn his life around? Who God? Anyone whom I can find some hope in? someone who can show me it is possible to keep my integrity in the midst of all falses and lies? Someone?
Now feel like crying a bit man.. so helpless..gosh..man..i miss my sec sch days where I am not troubled like this..this is real reality set man.. how strong is my faith now? I will not fall..i’m not so weak as I would believe.. I reali so need God’s saving hand to come and lift me up again.. so very much need God’s saving grace.. think as I am writing this.. I can feel God’s comfort in a sense.. think I am not alone facing all these.. I sud rem David in the bible, IN Psalms.. he been thru loads more man..despite all God still considers him to be a man after his heart.. God, I so very much need You.. think tears are in my eyes now.. God, I so need you now..so need Your saving hand.. snatch me out of this situation again.. God save me..You are a good God despite all..
Comfort songs
Surrender
I RISE WITH YOU IN THE WAKE OF THE MORNING
I WALK WITH YOU IN THE COOL OF THE NIGHT
AND EVERY SINGLE DAY I'M DEVOTED TO YOUR WAYS
ONLY YOURS ONLY YOURS
I SURRENDER ALL TO YOU
I SURRENDER ALL TO YOU
WHEN I'M WEAK YOU ARE STRONG
YOU'RE MY FEET WHEN I CAN'T MOVE ON
YOU ARE THE LIGHT IN THE DARK
YOU'RE THE WHISPER INSIDE MY HEART
I'M ALL FOR YOU I'M ALL FOR YOU
Show Me
DAY AFTER DAY
I KNOW YOU'RE TALKING TO ME
YOUR WORD SPEAKS LOUDER THAN THIS WORLD
AND WHEN I PRAY
YOUR SPIRIT OVERWHELMS ME
REVEALS THE THINGS THAT I MUST KNOW
SHOW ME HOW TO LIVE
TEACH ME HOW TO PRAY
LET ALL I THINK AND SAY PLEASE YOU LORD
SHOW ME HOW TO LIVE
TEACH ME IN YOUR WAYS
SO I CAN WALK WITH YOU ALL MY DAYS
YOUR WORD SPEAKS LOUDER THAN THIS
YOUR WORD SPEAKS LOUDER THAN THIS
YOUR WORD SPEAKS LOUDER THAN THIS WORLD (REPEAT)
YOUR WORD SPEAKS LOUDER THAN THIS
YOUR WORD SPEAKS LOUDER THAN THIS
YOUR WORD SPEAKS LOUDER THAN THIS WORLD (REPEAT)
I RISE WITH YOU IN THE WAKE OF THE MORNING
I WALK WITH YOU IN THE COOL OF THE NIGHT
AND EVERY SINGLE DAY I'M DEVOTED TO YOUR WAYS
ONLY YOURS ONLY YOURS
I SURRENDER ALL TO YOU
I SURRENDER ALL TO YOU
WHEN I'M WEAK YOU ARE STRONG
YOU'RE MY FEET WHEN I CAN'T MOVE ON
YOU ARE THE LIGHT IN THE DARK
YOU'RE THE WHISPER INSIDE MY HEART
I'M ALL FOR YOU I'M ALL FOR YOU
Show Me
DAY AFTER DAY
I KNOW YOU'RE TALKING TO ME
YOUR WORD SPEAKS LOUDER THAN THIS WORLD
AND WHEN I PRAY
YOUR SPIRIT OVERWHELMS ME
REVEALS THE THINGS THAT I MUST KNOW
SHOW ME HOW TO LIVE
TEACH ME HOW TO PRAY
LET ALL I THINK AND SAY PLEASE YOU LORD
SHOW ME HOW TO LIVE
TEACH ME IN YOUR WAYS
SO I CAN WALK WITH YOU ALL MY DAYS
YOUR WORD SPEAKS LOUDER THAN THIS
YOUR WORD SPEAKS LOUDER THAN THIS
YOUR WORD SPEAKS LOUDER THAN THIS WORLD (REPEAT)
YOUR WORD SPEAKS LOUDER THAN THIS
YOUR WORD SPEAKS LOUDER THAN THIS
YOUR WORD SPEAKS LOUDER THAN THIS WORLD (REPEAT)
Monday, March 19, 2007
Mon, 19th Mar—conscience dead..God is good still..
Mon, 19th Mar—conscience dead..God is good still..
Man..think my heart and conscience died like don noe how many times.. felt like I’m Jacob, a cheat..gosh.. how? How long will I stay in ITE? With so much of “integrity” in work..gosh.. feel so sick man..think the only hopeful thing out of this is, will i become like Israel.. God changed Jacob's name to Israel.. my life will change too i believe..
Just amazing how I wanted to write abt God’s goodness when I’m facing all this cheating stuff that I’m doing..gosh..such a tough struggle I’m having now..but still I want to write of God’s goodness so that I can remember.
Last wed,14th Mar, went clubbing..so tired gg to sch den on thurs night managed to reach home early. den I started to watch the Taiwanese show starred by Ellen. I watched from 8plus till 2am plus..force myself to sleep coz gotta course to attend on Fri afternoon..
fri night got cg mtg..man.. I Thank God that I brought 2 friends, Jonathan and Jennifer to the seminar..it’s amazing that I am fruitful again..
I haven met Jonathan like more than 2 yrs den think a few weeks back he sent me some fwded msg and so that’s how we got in touch again..anyway he was my dragon boat senior, very nice and sincere person I would say.
For Jennifer, the way we get into contact back is so cute..think if I rem correctly, that sat night aft svc wen Bro Chris spoke to a few of us and after that I took train back to tampines and took bus 27. On the bus I met a friend in church whom I have never met for a long time. She got hold of my number den msg me asking if I still rem Jennifer and from there I got jennifer’s no. I called her immediately to do some ketchup with her. Realised that she stays in Sengkang too..haha.. den told her I will meet her for dina someday..
As for last week cg/seminar, just decided to ask jonathan and Jennifer on tues I think, it was abt fri itself that they confirm they can come..man.. God is good despite my weakness..this is something I acknowleged..God is good despite my weakness.
Another thing which I cant rem exactly is it fri night aft I reached hm from cg or sat morn that I prayed a little..i told God that my prayer life seems to dip a lot from the day I went clubbing on wed..i felt bad coz I act watched the taiwan show for 6 hrs straight and I did not pray nor read the bible. Think it’s a will of choice for me to be selfish to wan do my own things and not spend some time with Him.. I felt that it’s like a mini test of my loyalty to God that will I discipline myself or not?..
During sat svc when Pst Phil preached.. gosh.. he spoke on prayer life.. man.. I understand that God is speaking to me.. my prayer life is my element of living..i cannot live my christian life without prayer man..and of course Word of God is the only way i can know my God.
Just went toilet.. needed to pray man..felt so guilty abt cheating..God is good..i know I made mistake but I know God sees beyond my mistake, can cover me and wash me clean from my wrongs..i’m determined to train up my classes for NAPFA man.. I prayed that my classes will pass based on their own efforts and not by me cheating.. so I’m having hope for this to happen..man..
Sun, 18th Mar
Gave bs to bel.. rem I told her something I to;d myself i muz rem to blog which is--People change when they grow..This is way Sy Rogers said, “when people grow, they change.”.. change is a by-product of growth, it is not the ultimate goal, it is part of a process when people grow.. how do people grow, only wen they are nourished and nurtured den will they grow and change..
Ha.. so why did I tell bel abt this? Coz we were talking abt Joanne again.. the whole of sat her mood is like roller coaster..swinging high and low..ever since the No apologies seminar that we attended (for the youths in Bro Darren’s zone at 1pm)..Bel encouraged her to be open heart aft she said she felt xian wen she 1st enter into the seminar room.. aft the seminar when we were making our way down to svc that she seems beta..
during Praise time, her face like black again..hmmm..usu I wont ask her qn but that day it's amazing that I act asked her is she feeling ok? she told me she felt uncomfortable, probably coz too long haven join us for svc.. I told her it could be bcoz of her r/s with God but regardless of wat she feels, God is great so Praise Him..aft i asked her and went back to praise God, i felt that God is happy with me that i asked her, that i bother to show some concern for her.. during the preaching I could feel that the word is for her and wen svc ended, could see her countenance changed for the beta..
hmmm.. den slight changes occurred again wen we decided to have dina at bedok 85.. the change came abt coz jason asked if we wanted to join E266 for fellowship as well so we go..anyway it's kinda reali inconvenient to go there so end up her face black again..haiz.. patience patience man.. she needs to grow and not change using her own efforts..bel told me her mood changed abt the dina thingy coz she was reali hungry, hadn't eat the whole day.. hmmm..that's understandable but again, face needn't be so black right, heard fr weng that her response to him wen he asked her to buy food wasn't friendly..think weng also frustrated at her too.. that’s why I told bel, when pp grow they will change..she needs to grow to change..
In the past, I would expect her to change her attitude and stuff only to realize aft wat Sy Rogers said,change is a result of Growth.. so gotta nourish Joanne in a sense..
I also shared with bel that sometimes I am harsh twds her coz I see certain similarities btw her and moi..and I so wish she will avoid the unnec situations that I went thru..I am harsh on mysef wen it comes to making changes so I kinda will enforce it on her too..
expectations..man.. gotta have renewed mindset man..i am not Holy Spirit in her life..
I am not God to change anyone.. Holy Spirit is the one who changes people..so wait..wait for God’s appointed time to move in her life.
As for me, I made a commitment to seek God everyday.. to spend at least 15mins with God b4 I leave house and to pray in spirit for at least 5 mins b4 I go.. I wan to keep this commitment and I believe my life will change as I discipline myself.
I have a new goal during sat svc.. I want to come in top 3 for the 10km cross-country and vertical marathon event in Emerge.. I will train and get myself lean to being 50kg by end of June.. I pray that I will be focus and discipline myself in achieving my goals..
Gotta Cut the bull..man.. feel so good to write this out, gave me renewed strength as I fix my eyes on my goals.
*Strong and Lean by 30th June—50kg
*Top 3 in 10km cross country
*Top 3 in vertical marathon
* ”I have fought the good fight,
I have finished the race,
I have kept the faith.”
2 Timothy 4:7 (NIV)
Ha.. suddenly singing this song..
First Love
I love, because You first loved me
I live, because of what You gave
You died, show me how to live
Your mercy taught me to forgive
You came and pour Yourself so free
Your blood wash away my shame
And now I can live again
I’m more of you and less of me
My first love forever You will be
My first breathe You’re the life in me
My first joy the world can never take from me
My covenant with You
Jesus
Your love falls down
Your love falls down
Your love falls down, over me..
Man..think my heart and conscience died like don noe how many times.. felt like I’m Jacob, a cheat..gosh.. how? How long will I stay in ITE? With so much of “integrity” in work..gosh.. feel so sick man..think the only hopeful thing out of this is, will i become like Israel.. God changed Jacob's name to Israel.. my life will change too i believe..
Just amazing how I wanted to write abt God’s goodness when I’m facing all this cheating stuff that I’m doing..gosh..such a tough struggle I’m having now..but still I want to write of God’s goodness so that I can remember.
Last wed,14th Mar, went clubbing..so tired gg to sch den on thurs night managed to reach home early. den I started to watch the Taiwanese show starred by Ellen. I watched from 8plus till 2am plus..force myself to sleep coz gotta course to attend on Fri afternoon..
fri night got cg mtg..man.. I Thank God that I brought 2 friends, Jonathan and Jennifer to the seminar..it’s amazing that I am fruitful again..
I haven met Jonathan like more than 2 yrs den think a few weeks back he sent me some fwded msg and so that’s how we got in touch again..anyway he was my dragon boat senior, very nice and sincere person I would say.
For Jennifer, the way we get into contact back is so cute..think if I rem correctly, that sat night aft svc wen Bro Chris spoke to a few of us and after that I took train back to tampines and took bus 27. On the bus I met a friend in church whom I have never met for a long time. She got hold of my number den msg me asking if I still rem Jennifer and from there I got jennifer’s no. I called her immediately to do some ketchup with her. Realised that she stays in Sengkang too..haha.. den told her I will meet her for dina someday..
As for last week cg/seminar, just decided to ask jonathan and Jennifer on tues I think, it was abt fri itself that they confirm they can come..man.. God is good despite my weakness..this is something I acknowleged..God is good despite my weakness.
Another thing which I cant rem exactly is it fri night aft I reached hm from cg or sat morn that I prayed a little..i told God that my prayer life seems to dip a lot from the day I went clubbing on wed..i felt bad coz I act watched the taiwan show for 6 hrs straight and I did not pray nor read the bible. Think it’s a will of choice for me to be selfish to wan do my own things and not spend some time with Him.. I felt that it’s like a mini test of my loyalty to God that will I discipline myself or not?..
During sat svc when Pst Phil preached.. gosh.. he spoke on prayer life.. man.. I understand that God is speaking to me.. my prayer life is my element of living..i cannot live my christian life without prayer man..and of course Word of God is the only way i can know my God.
Just went toilet.. needed to pray man..felt so guilty abt cheating..God is good..i know I made mistake but I know God sees beyond my mistake, can cover me and wash me clean from my wrongs..i’m determined to train up my classes for NAPFA man.. I prayed that my classes will pass based on their own efforts and not by me cheating.. so I’m having hope for this to happen..man..
Sun, 18th Mar
Gave bs to bel.. rem I told her something I to;d myself i muz rem to blog which is--People change when they grow..This is way Sy Rogers said, “when people grow, they change.”.. change is a by-product of growth, it is not the ultimate goal, it is part of a process when people grow.. how do people grow, only wen they are nourished and nurtured den will they grow and change..
Ha.. so why did I tell bel abt this? Coz we were talking abt Joanne again.. the whole of sat her mood is like roller coaster..swinging high and low..ever since the No apologies seminar that we attended (for the youths in Bro Darren’s zone at 1pm)..Bel encouraged her to be open heart aft she said she felt xian wen she 1st enter into the seminar room.. aft the seminar when we were making our way down to svc that she seems beta..
during Praise time, her face like black again..hmmm..usu I wont ask her qn but that day it's amazing that I act asked her is she feeling ok? she told me she felt uncomfortable, probably coz too long haven join us for svc.. I told her it could be bcoz of her r/s with God but regardless of wat she feels, God is great so Praise Him..aft i asked her and went back to praise God, i felt that God is happy with me that i asked her, that i bother to show some concern for her.. during the preaching I could feel that the word is for her and wen svc ended, could see her countenance changed for the beta..
hmmm.. den slight changes occurred again wen we decided to have dina at bedok 85.. the change came abt coz jason asked if we wanted to join E266 for fellowship as well so we go..anyway it's kinda reali inconvenient to go there so end up her face black again..haiz.. patience patience man.. she needs to grow and not change using her own efforts..bel told me her mood changed abt the dina thingy coz she was reali hungry, hadn't eat the whole day.. hmmm..that's understandable but again, face needn't be so black right, heard fr weng that her response to him wen he asked her to buy food wasn't friendly..think weng also frustrated at her too.. that’s why I told bel, when pp grow they will change..she needs to grow to change..
In the past, I would expect her to change her attitude and stuff only to realize aft wat Sy Rogers said,change is a result of Growth.. so gotta nourish Joanne in a sense..
I also shared with bel that sometimes I am harsh twds her coz I see certain similarities btw her and moi..and I so wish she will avoid the unnec situations that I went thru..I am harsh on mysef wen it comes to making changes so I kinda will enforce it on her too..
expectations..man.. gotta have renewed mindset man..i am not Holy Spirit in her life..
I am not God to change anyone.. Holy Spirit is the one who changes people..so wait..wait for God’s appointed time to move in her life.
As for me, I made a commitment to seek God everyday.. to spend at least 15mins with God b4 I leave house and to pray in spirit for at least 5 mins b4 I go.. I wan to keep this commitment and I believe my life will change as I discipline myself.
I have a new goal during sat svc.. I want to come in top 3 for the 10km cross-country and vertical marathon event in Emerge.. I will train and get myself lean to being 50kg by end of June.. I pray that I will be focus and discipline myself in achieving my goals..
Gotta Cut the bull..man.. feel so good to write this out, gave me renewed strength as I fix my eyes on my goals.
*Strong and Lean by 30th June—50kg
*Top 3 in 10km cross country
*Top 3 in vertical marathon
* ”I have fought the good fight,
I have finished the race,
I have kept the faith.”
2 Timothy 4:7 (NIV)
Ha.. suddenly singing this song..
First Love
I love, because You first loved me
I live, because of what You gave
You died, show me how to live
Your mercy taught me to forgive
You came and pour Yourself so free
Your blood wash away my shame
And now I can live again
I’m more of you and less of me
My first love forever You will be
My first breathe You’re the life in me
My first joy the world can never take from me
My covenant with You
Jesus
Your love falls down
Your love falls down
Your love falls down, over me..
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Wed, 14th Mar-- Virgin Day out at clubs..
Wed, 14th Mar-- Virgin Day out at clubs..
Haha.. gosh.. it’s my 1st ladies night out at Phuture, Velvet underground and passing by zouk..it’s a 3 inter-link clubs.. haha.. qt an interesting experience.. I Thank God for my wonderful colleagues (7 wonder gals—Pammy, Emmy, Lizzy, Hui yee, Kristy, Eunice and moi..)..haha..so much fun and Thank God for Hui Yee who saw me in the most unglam, drunken state and seeing me home..haha.. I remembered so many funny things that hap..
one of it was me proving to them I was not drunk by walking in straight line after we left the clubs.. haha..apparently, I couldn’t reali walk straight..haha..tried to show oths too, ha.. still same results..not walking in straight line.. getting drowsy I think..man.. think I drank qt a lot..haha..at least 7 different types of alcohol..
Some are nice to drink..some are..arggg..bitter..gosh..man.. I rem yest wen Pam sent me home, I was resting halfway den I puke out.. *puke*..think I’m disgusting..haha.. den Pam has to stop halfway to let me vomit out..haha..Thank God I din reali dirty Pam’s car..faint..haha..rarely I will puke after I drink..hmmm.. mayb reali too drunk..haha…reali qt an interesting experience..
Ha.. I got to “exchange” dance moves with kristy..haha.. in the sense after she danced, I will danced in return,.. of course moi is a special/”retarted” version of dance.. haha.. so funny..got the hairy dance when I comb my hand and eyebrows..haha..so funny..
Den certain parts wen kristy and Eunice danced to me.. I turned myself into a pole..haha.. so they “pole-dancing”? haha..
Reali fun to see one anoth in a different state…drinking, relaxing,dancing..enjoying.. everything’s fun except the being drunk portion..haha
O, i rem..yest we wanna to leave at 2am but kristy mentioned that we are to stay longer to make her trip worthwhile.. she asked us to stay till 3am or finish that jug of long island den can go..man..wen i heard, in my semi conscious state..i act poured half the jug into other pp's ice bucket..haha..so funny den i drank some and told her the jug is finished..man.. she told me it cost her 60 over bucks for that jug..man.. i felt guilty and wanted make her money worth, i went to drink from that ice bucket..i drank qt a lot only to be stopped by them telling me the ice bucket is dirty..man..haha.. wat foolish thing have i done..gosh..come to recall it's disgusting..my goodness..yest was such a drunken state for me..ha..
Haha.. gosh.. it’s my 1st ladies night out at Phuture, Velvet underground and passing by zouk..it’s a 3 inter-link clubs.. haha.. qt an interesting experience.. I Thank God for my wonderful colleagues (7 wonder gals—Pammy, Emmy, Lizzy, Hui yee, Kristy, Eunice and moi..)..haha..so much fun and Thank God for Hui Yee who saw me in the most unglam, drunken state and seeing me home..haha.. I remembered so many funny things that hap..
one of it was me proving to them I was not drunk by walking in straight line after we left the clubs.. haha..apparently, I couldn’t reali walk straight..haha..tried to show oths too, ha.. still same results..not walking in straight line.. getting drowsy I think..man.. think I drank qt a lot..haha..at least 7 different types of alcohol..
Some are nice to drink..some are..arggg..bitter..gosh..man.. I rem yest wen Pam sent me home, I was resting halfway den I puke out.. *puke*..think I’m disgusting..haha.. den Pam has to stop halfway to let me vomit out..haha..Thank God I din reali dirty Pam’s car..faint..haha..rarely I will puke after I drink..hmmm.. mayb reali too drunk..haha…reali qt an interesting experience..
Ha.. I got to “exchange” dance moves with kristy..haha.. in the sense after she danced, I will danced in return,.. of course moi is a special/”retarted” version of dance.. haha.. so funny..got the hairy dance when I comb my hand and eyebrows..haha..so funny..
Den certain parts wen kristy and Eunice danced to me.. I turned myself into a pole..haha.. so they “pole-dancing”? haha..
Reali fun to see one anoth in a different state…drinking, relaxing,dancing..enjoying.. everything’s fun except the being drunk portion..haha
O, i rem..yest we wanna to leave at 2am but kristy mentioned that we are to stay longer to make her trip worthwhile.. she asked us to stay till 3am or finish that jug of long island den can go..man..wen i heard, in my semi conscious state..i act poured half the jug into other pp's ice bucket..haha..so funny den i drank some and told her the jug is finished..man.. she told me it cost her 60 over bucks for that jug..man.. i felt guilty and wanted make her money worth, i went to drink from that ice bucket..i drank qt a lot only to be stopped by them telling me the ice bucket is dirty..man..haha.. wat foolish thing have i done..gosh..come to recall it's disgusting..my goodness..yest was such a drunken state for me..ha..
13th Mar--seasons of treatment
O,haha.. as i was reading thru wat i just posted, esp on the part who's pulling my emots? ..i sud rem wat my fren told me yest..she mentioned that certain seasons in time, God will place different people in my life to teach me how to treat them..like there will be times when i am to be pastoral to people, certain times to be firm, certain times to love.. think presently, i am experiencing the slow to anger and eager to listen stage..haha.. coz i can reali be an unfeeling person..
i rem chris told me b4 that i am insensitive to peoples' feelings and i told him that it is not that i am insensitive...haha.. it is act me choosing not to be sensitive..haha.. esp so when i talk to bros.. haha.. mayb coz i felt like a "man" man..haha..but wen i talked to shu hui, my emots will flow man.. she will get to see the feeling part of me..ha..
but reali kat is the one whom i shared deep things with.. no replacement of any kind..i reali appreciate her friendship..always Thank God for her.. think wat makes me open up to her is the acceptance from her..in that whateva i shared with her, she will not lecture me or wateva.. she accepts me for who i am and encourage me to grow.. i miss her so much.. a friend whom i can share my deep thoughts with.. it's reali precious and hard to come by..simply amazing.. Kat.. Thank you once again for being my friend..
i rem chris told me b4 that i am insensitive to peoples' feelings and i told him that it is not that i am insensitive...haha.. it is act me choosing not to be sensitive..haha.. esp so when i talk to bros.. haha.. mayb coz i felt like a "man" man..haha..but wen i talked to shu hui, my emots will flow man.. she will get to see the feeling part of me..ha..
but reali kat is the one whom i shared deep things with.. no replacement of any kind..i reali appreciate her friendship..always Thank God for her.. think wat makes me open up to her is the acceptance from her..in that whateva i shared with her, she will not lecture me or wateva.. she accepts me for who i am and encourage me to grow.. i miss her so much.. a friend whom i can share my deep thoughts with.. it's reali precious and hard to come by..simply amazing.. Kat.. Thank you once again for being my friend..
Wed—14th March –Learning to control negative emotions..
Cool..anoth interesting happening..man.. think I’m exercising huge self control over my emot now.. haiz..i lost my locker key.. not exactly I lost it.. upset act but controlling my emot from flaring unnecessarily.. called buddy, found out the possible cause of key lost.. think I need get the spare key fr Ahmad and make a spare one.. think I shld hav put my key in a better stronger ring.. it’s ok..lesson learnt again..haha.. somehow feel beta now as I write this out.. cool..think coz I red star award.. so all the more gotta watchout for erractic emot changes.. don kill the innocents with my unstable emots raging..haha..
Wed—14 March –Learning to control negative emotions..
Interesting again.. was reading the Happiness book by Dr AR Bernard..man.. the topic of the day reali caught my attention.. God is speaking again.. amazing..yest, I was a little down coz did a lot of untrue changes to my students napfa results, helping them pass in a sense but more of “helping” myself achieve the KPI set by my dept..felt like a cheat man.. worst still.. don feel so much now as I change the results.. think my heart and conscience died-ed partially..went home.. wantd to pray..but think I gave myself the excuse to just sleep off and din pray..
This morn wen I woke up..i prayed.. told God how I felt.. think this event made me decide that I will train my classes for their napfa test so they will pass based on their own capabilities.
Coming back to the book.. felt it’s a word in season again coz I need to learn to control negative feelings that arise..but think this verse struck me the most..
My dear brothers and sisters, always be willing to listen and slow to speak. Do not become angry easily, because anger will not help you live the right kind of life God wants.
James 1:19-20 NCV
When I read the verse I was like…yes, I will learn to listen and be slow to anger coz quick to anger is not the right kind of life that God wants for me..
1 portion of the book asked “who’s pulling your emotional strings? Are you allowing highly emotional people or highly charged situations to dictate your moods, or are you wiser than that?....Your emotions will inevitably change; God will not. So trust Him completely. When you do, you’ll be surprised at how quickly those negative feelings can evaporate into thin air.
Wen I was reading this portion, I was like yeah.. somebody’s reali affecting my emot too much and I ought to be self control.. yeah.. I am learning to be slow to speak, slow to anger and quick to listen..cool..i felt challenged that i want to be wiser than all that's affecting my emot man..yeah.. gotta depend on God too.. coz without Christ, i wouldn't be who i am today.. all thanks to his grace..Thank you Jesus..
Wed—14 March –Learning to control negative emotions..
Interesting again.. was reading the Happiness book by Dr AR Bernard..man.. the topic of the day reali caught my attention.. God is speaking again.. amazing..yest, I was a little down coz did a lot of untrue changes to my students napfa results, helping them pass in a sense but more of “helping” myself achieve the KPI set by my dept..felt like a cheat man.. worst still.. don feel so much now as I change the results.. think my heart and conscience died-ed partially..went home.. wantd to pray..but think I gave myself the excuse to just sleep off and din pray..
This morn wen I woke up..i prayed.. told God how I felt.. think this event made me decide that I will train my classes for their napfa test so they will pass based on their own capabilities.
Coming back to the book.. felt it’s a word in season again coz I need to learn to control negative feelings that arise..but think this verse struck me the most..
My dear brothers and sisters, always be willing to listen and slow to speak. Do not become angry easily, because anger will not help you live the right kind of life God wants.
James 1:19-20 NCV
When I read the verse I was like…yes, I will learn to listen and be slow to anger coz quick to anger is not the right kind of life that God wants for me..
1 portion of the book asked “who’s pulling your emotional strings? Are you allowing highly emotional people or highly charged situations to dictate your moods, or are you wiser than that?....Your emotions will inevitably change; God will not. So trust Him completely. When you do, you’ll be surprised at how quickly those negative feelings can evaporate into thin air.
Wen I was reading this portion, I was like yeah.. somebody’s reali affecting my emot too much and I ought to be self control.. yeah.. I am learning to be slow to speak, slow to anger and quick to listen..cool..i felt challenged that i want to be wiser than all that's affecting my emot man..yeah.. gotta depend on God too.. coz without Christ, i wouldn't be who i am today.. all thanks to his grace..Thank you Jesus..
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
i miss my friend ..kat
hello kat.. if you do read my blog, i just want to tell you i reali miss you a lot.. looking forward to see your email act.. it's amazing..haha..we are good friends..hmmm..but somehow, we like rarely take photos together.. someth is wrong man.. haha.. will tak loads with ya when you're back k.. meanwhile.. stay strong in God..how?.. spend time with Him, talking..walking with Him.. enjoy yourself in His presence as a child would in her Daddy God's embrace..Father God loves you and He knows what you are going through in your life..He knows your days ahead even thou you may not understand..esp now that you are in Indo.. Holy Spirit has neva once left you.. He's always ever ready..ever ready to move when you asked Him to.. ready to walk with ya and Bless ya when you ask.. juz ask and He's there.. always and always..
Love you kat.. please tak much care.. you have a friend in me.. not too far..just a call away.. i will avail myself to you as best as i can..
Loads hugz hugz.. kit..
Love you kat.. please tak much care.. you have a friend in me.. not too far..just a call away.. i will avail myself to you as best as i can..
Loads hugz hugz.. kit..
I have great friends!
ha.. looking at the photos on my blog now.. i missed those times man.. when we were cycling in one big grp..cycled for over an hr, 18km, juz to have a great feast...only to cycle back that dist again (quickly after the feast)..haha..reali eat and go..it's crazy man..
13th Mar--My Mistake, God's grace
Gosh.. i made a mistake at work... suppose to confirm students results but i did not and now, kinda gotta redo..in a sense need go into syst to confirm and reprint..think i wan Thank God that He is still good despite my mistake coz it like a blessing in disguise.. bcoz i forget to confirm the final results, it means that i can still do amendments to the students who are supoose to pass after they came to look for me.. so kinda will save my boss a bit of the hassle to help me edit the results.. God is still good despite my mistake.. thou i don feel good abt myself but i can see God helped me in a certain sense..Thank you Jesus..i will learn and learn to be careful and be excellent in my work..
*God is good in spite of my weakness..
*God is good in spite of my weakness..
Monday, March 12, 2007
Mon--12th Mar—Trust God.
Visited Hanz at TTSH.. hmmm..wasn’t too shocked.. in fact felt that I was too calm wen I 1st see him..perhaps I imagined him looking worst.. think I Thank God on sun, 11th Mar,I went for svc and Sy Rogers was talking abt Trusting in God’s character when life gives you every reason not to. He shared a lot of experiences where he personally qn God, where is He?
One eg I rem clearly he shared was, he was in given a seat in the economical class wen his friend (think in the flight crew) act offered him a seat in the biz class. However, the syst refused to accept his name so he juz accept the economical seat given in the centre of the plane.. He was reali upset but on that day, the plane act experienced a strong turbulence that he had neva experienced b4..evryth was flying around and shaking violently for abt 15mins..even the plane captain mentioned it was his worst experience ever.. Aft the landing, he asked God, where was He in the midst of all that hap.. it took Sy Rogers 2 yrs to get over the trauma..den he realized God was good even in that experience… Why? Even thou he was refused a seat in the biz class wher the pp were covered with food and drinks bcoz of the turbulence..his position in the centre of the plane act sheltered him from experiencing the greater effects of the turbulence.. furthermore, he was near the emergency exit, next to experienced flight attendant, God is good..God protected him and raised his awareness to flight safety..
Now, why I shared that, it is bcoz I can see that regardless of wat bad things hap, God is good.. I may not understand everyth but I know I can trust in God’s good character.. It’s reali Faith and walking and knowing God that gives us the confidence to trust in His character.
Sy Rogers mentioned, is it our Loyalty to God that is alwys being tested.. The devil is an accuser, he alwys accuses God in front of us, causing us to turn our hearts away from God, away from trusting His character, being disloyal to Him..and the devil is alwys accusing us in front of God, shaming us..God is good, devil is bad..let us alwys be lOyal to our Loving Almighty Father God..
*A heart Loyal to God
* A heart after God’s heart
One eg I rem clearly he shared was, he was in given a seat in the economical class wen his friend (think in the flight crew) act offered him a seat in the biz class. However, the syst refused to accept his name so he juz accept the economical seat given in the centre of the plane.. He was reali upset but on that day, the plane act experienced a strong turbulence that he had neva experienced b4..evryth was flying around and shaking violently for abt 15mins..even the plane captain mentioned it was his worst experience ever.. Aft the landing, he asked God, where was He in the midst of all that hap.. it took Sy Rogers 2 yrs to get over the trauma..den he realized God was good even in that experience… Why? Even thou he was refused a seat in the biz class wher the pp were covered with food and drinks bcoz of the turbulence..his position in the centre of the plane act sheltered him from experiencing the greater effects of the turbulence.. furthermore, he was near the emergency exit, next to experienced flight attendant, God is good..God protected him and raised his awareness to flight safety..
Now, why I shared that, it is bcoz I can see that regardless of wat bad things hap, God is good.. I may not understand everyth but I know I can trust in God’s good character.. It’s reali Faith and walking and knowing God that gives us the confidence to trust in His character.
Sy Rogers mentioned, is it our Loyalty to God that is alwys being tested.. The devil is an accuser, he alwys accuses God in front of us, causing us to turn our hearts away from God, away from trusting His character, being disloyal to Him..and the devil is alwys accusing us in front of God, shaming us..God is good, devil is bad..let us alwys be lOyal to our Loving Almighty Father God..
*A heart Loyal to God
* A heart after God’s heart
Fri--9th Mar--Lesson: Heart check-up
The sharing b4 cg, bel act shared her testimony of how God bless her fiancially and how she came across the book on Jebazz prayer.. 1- God bless us (meaning ALL blessings that He wants to give us), 2-God expand our territory (meaning sphere of influence),3-God's hand to uphold us (meaning God helps us to manage our possession) and lastly, 4-God protects us (to be sheltered from temptations).. man,as bel was shring with us, i can see God moving in bel's life..wen we were outside, bel was "influencing" 4 pp.
I believe God ans her daily prayers coz during cg time, she shared her testimony and she act encouraged everyone in cg to pray the same prayer for their lives and for church..haha.. can you see that she is act influencing TWO cgs of 50 over people now.. haha.. amazing.. bel is alwys such an encouragement to my heart..
Now, on one hand, i'm so proud of bel and on anoth hand, i'm lik asking God " what abt me? i sacrifice too".. haha..(my attitude don seem too right now..now bit envious, bad for emot health)..den God is good again..why.. haha.. coz during sermon, Bro Chris was asking us, " Is God the Denominator of our life where He is "d" reason behind our everything , our every action?.. gosh.. God is moving and moulding my heart again.. i can feel and i know coz i know that God is questioning me, all the things that i have done for Him, like giving bs and stuff..is it truly for Him or for my "self"???
I told pp that i am reali very excited abt the 3 mths leadership by chris.. God is asking me, am i happy and excited bcoz i am abt to receive His Vision or is it bcoz i am receiving a vision for my "self" so that i have something to live for, to run after, to achieve only to satisfy my self-esteem needs coz i alwys wan to prove myself..i needed tp prove myself coz i'm so insecure of myself.. i needed to achieve so that i am secure and confident of myself.. haha..interesting.."reali For God or my self ?"..haha.. God is good! why? coz He is pressing gently into my heart again..i told a few pp abt this.. God is good coz i think all along i am pretty conscious abt this weakness of mine but on that fri night, God is so gracious, He brought this fact into light w/o condeming me of my need to feel secure.. He wants me to see clearly so that when i do serve Him, i will know that is it for Him or for my self?.. Is God the reason behind my words and deeds?
*i love because He 1st loved me..
I believe God ans her daily prayers coz during cg time, she shared her testimony and she act encouraged everyone in cg to pray the same prayer for their lives and for church..haha.. can you see that she is act influencing TWO cgs of 50 over people now.. haha.. amazing.. bel is alwys such an encouragement to my heart..
Now, on one hand, i'm so proud of bel and on anoth hand, i'm lik asking God " what abt me? i sacrifice too".. haha..(my attitude don seem too right now..now bit envious, bad for emot health)..den God is good again..why.. haha.. coz during sermon, Bro Chris was asking us, " Is God the Denominator of our life where He is "d" reason behind our everything , our every action?.. gosh.. God is moving and moulding my heart again.. i can feel and i know coz i know that God is questioning me, all the things that i have done for Him, like giving bs and stuff..is it truly for Him or for my "self"???
I told pp that i am reali very excited abt the 3 mths leadership by chris.. God is asking me, am i happy and excited bcoz i am abt to receive His Vision or is it bcoz i am receiving a vision for my "self" so that i have something to live for, to run after, to achieve only to satisfy my self-esteem needs coz i alwys wan to prove myself..i needed tp prove myself coz i'm so insecure of myself.. i needed to achieve so that i am secure and confident of myself.. haha..interesting.."reali For God or my self ?"..haha.. God is good! why? coz He is pressing gently into my heart again..i told a few pp abt this.. God is good coz i think all along i am pretty conscious abt this weakness of mine but on that fri night, God is so gracious, He brought this fact into light w/o condeming me of my need to feel secure.. He wants me to see clearly so that when i do serve Him, i will know that is it for Him or for my self?.. Is God the reason behind my words and deeds?
*i love because He 1st loved me..
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Wed-Fri, 7th-9th Mar--Lesson: don judge
Wednesday--ha..i was very upset with Joanne coz i felt disappointed in the sense that why is she getting into unnec situations that she could have avoided..in the morn she msg me sth, den i replied her wo hesitation "don crap..wat do you mean you cant control..cut the bull"
Think the reason why i was so direct bcoz i rem jaz said that to me once wen i made a terrible mistake,very terrible mistake that hurted and angered her much coz she cares a lot for me. Think right than i could understand how jaz felt juz lik the way i felt for joanne that morn..*faint*
2nd reason why i was upset was coz we just went thru the cg msg on heart of passion last fri and now she's giving excuses..Cut the bull man.. i was so very upset..so very upset..on that night, i attended the CHC sharing for teachers interested to go china teach eng and on my way, i was talking to chris and told him my frus twds joanne..*pengz* i am reali judgemental to the max man..
After the mtg, i was on my way hm that she pop me a msg to apologise.. i asked her why apologise as she did nothing wrong to me.. den i rem i asked her a few qns like: " is cg of value to her? does she value the friendships in cg? does she feel that the cg care for her?
she asked me why i asked her and i gave her an unusual reply, i asked her to think abt why i ask her those qns, instead of my usual style of telling her why i ask her qns coz i reali need her to consider.
She replied that she will think abt it as she needed to study for test..so her reply came in on thurs..
Thursday--That afternoon wen she replied me, i couldn't qt understand her meaning lik treasure the friendships in cg but find it difficult to open to us, try to open us to the gals in cg..hmmm..i reali don understand and i reali formed certain perceptions based on the limited info i got.. i was once again juding based on my perceptions and yet i also reasoned that i need to know more from her b4 i draw conclusions.. i need to understand her conditions b4 i judged and get upset with her.. i need to understand her..but.. when? ..haha.. good question..
That night think i was waiting for bus den i took a book and read..my gosh.. i read upon this statement, "God does not need (or want) my help to judge pp..i am to love people in the way that God has forgiven me".. man.. felt like such a word in time of all my judgments towards her..I felt that God is so good.. in the past i would have felt discouraged by myself bcoz i failed to do the "right" thing..i judged.. but i felt that God is gracious bcoz i know in my heart that the reason why i took out the book and read that portion is bcoz God wants to correct me.. God wants to correct me bcoz He loves me, He wants me to grow.. i felt God is moulding me, like a potter to his clay, He is pressing unto certain part in my life..a gentle touch to change me for the better. So i prayed and i decided,i shall take action to change.. i msg joanne and asked to meet her b4 cg to chat, to understand her situation and not imagine wrongly of her..but i don trust myself too well..haha.. i called christine immediately aft joanne's postive reply, and asked if she can meet us at that time at raffles place.. i reali need her presence so i can remind myself that i am not to scold joanne like crazy instead i reali want to be like a friend to her, to listen and understand..man, i was reali anxious abt the mtg..ha.. i act prayed the night b4 that "God !!!! help me not to shoot her but to be patient just as you are patient with me."..i reali am nervous abt mtg her..even mintues b4 i met her on fri itself in sch, i prayed..gosh *sweat*
Friday--Amazingly, on bus 31 we met her classmate and took train 2gth, so like we had little time alone aft her fren left..den i shared w her a bit of wat i felt den..ha.. God answered my prayer.. christine act reached raffles earlier than i think..haha.. yeah.. felt so much relief that i am not alone..ha.. so the 3 of us met up and go to riverwalk and talk.. hmmm.. initially, atmosphere like weird coz i realise i'm talking too much again..ha.. den aft moments of silence, i pop a qn to us..."why not we share sth that we don noe abt each oth?"..ha.. man, i so Thank God that chris started sharing and somehow as we share, more pp came in.. yinxia, bel and as we talked on the topic of "do you find valuable friendship in cg?", i decided to open up my heart and shared my fears that i was reali anxious b4 mtg joanne.. i told them that i even prayed abt it..den cant rem wat we shared after that joanne seems to open up a little.. den wen we enter into the MPH b4 cg starts, i saw her sharing w bel and juz b4 cg starts, she confessed to me sth and said she had made a decision that she wants to change.. i just encourage her and say, lata, be prep in the heart and let God touch her..
*God is amazing in His "Just-In-Time" high ways..heee..
Think the reason why i was so direct bcoz i rem jaz said that to me once wen i made a terrible mistake,very terrible mistake that hurted and angered her much coz she cares a lot for me. Think right than i could understand how jaz felt juz lik the way i felt for joanne that morn..*faint*
2nd reason why i was upset was coz we just went thru the cg msg on heart of passion last fri and now she's giving excuses..Cut the bull man.. i was so very upset..so very upset..on that night, i attended the CHC sharing for teachers interested to go china teach eng and on my way, i was talking to chris and told him my frus twds joanne..*pengz* i am reali judgemental to the max man..
After the mtg, i was on my way hm that she pop me a msg to apologise.. i asked her why apologise as she did nothing wrong to me.. den i rem i asked her a few qns like: " is cg of value to her? does she value the friendships in cg? does she feel that the cg care for her?
she asked me why i asked her and i gave her an unusual reply, i asked her to think abt why i ask her those qns, instead of my usual style of telling her why i ask her qns coz i reali need her to consider.
She replied that she will think abt it as she needed to study for test..so her reply came in on thurs..
Thursday--That afternoon wen she replied me, i couldn't qt understand her meaning lik treasure the friendships in cg but find it difficult to open to us, try to open us to the gals in cg..hmmm..i reali don understand and i reali formed certain perceptions based on the limited info i got.. i was once again juding based on my perceptions and yet i also reasoned that i need to know more from her b4 i draw conclusions.. i need to understand her conditions b4 i judged and get upset with her.. i need to understand her..but.. when? ..haha.. good question..
That night think i was waiting for bus den i took a book and read..my gosh.. i read upon this statement, "God does not need (or want) my help to judge pp..i am to love people in the way that God has forgiven me".. man.. felt like such a word in time of all my judgments towards her..I felt that God is so good.. in the past i would have felt discouraged by myself bcoz i failed to do the "right" thing..i judged.. but i felt that God is gracious bcoz i know in my heart that the reason why i took out the book and read that portion is bcoz God wants to correct me.. God wants to correct me bcoz He loves me, He wants me to grow.. i felt God is moulding me, like a potter to his clay, He is pressing unto certain part in my life..a gentle touch to change me for the better. So i prayed and i decided,i shall take action to change.. i msg joanne and asked to meet her b4 cg to chat, to understand her situation and not imagine wrongly of her..but i don trust myself too well..haha.. i called christine immediately aft joanne's postive reply, and asked if she can meet us at that time at raffles place.. i reali need her presence so i can remind myself that i am not to scold joanne like crazy instead i reali want to be like a friend to her, to listen and understand..man, i was reali anxious abt the mtg..ha.. i act prayed the night b4 that "God !!!! help me not to shoot her but to be patient just as you are patient with me."..i reali am nervous abt mtg her..even mintues b4 i met her on fri itself in sch, i prayed..gosh *sweat*
Friday--Amazingly, on bus 31 we met her classmate and took train 2gth, so like we had little time alone aft her fren left..den i shared w her a bit of wat i felt den..ha.. God answered my prayer.. christine act reached raffles earlier than i think..haha.. yeah.. felt so much relief that i am not alone..ha.. so the 3 of us met up and go to riverwalk and talk.. hmmm.. initially, atmosphere like weird coz i realise i'm talking too much again..ha.. den aft moments of silence, i pop a qn to us..."why not we share sth that we don noe abt each oth?"..ha.. man, i so Thank God that chris started sharing and somehow as we share, more pp came in.. yinxia, bel and as we talked on the topic of "do you find valuable friendship in cg?", i decided to open up my heart and shared my fears that i was reali anxious b4 mtg joanne.. i told them that i even prayed abt it..den cant rem wat we shared after that joanne seems to open up a little.. den wen we enter into the MPH b4 cg starts, i saw her sharing w bel and juz b4 cg starts, she confessed to me sth and said she had made a decision that she wants to change.. i just encourage her and say, lata, be prep in the heart and let God touch her..
*God is amazing in His "Just-In-Time" high ways..heee..
12 Mar--My Memorial
yeah..moi's 1st entry! today is the day that i decided to have a blog of my own. Reason for this blog is for me to remember what God has done for me.
The past weekend svc w Sy Rogers motivates me to wan to keep a record of the goodness of God in my life so that i can always remember. Remember His lovingkindness towards me and able to trust His Good Character when times demand the otherwise.
*The test is to Trust in God's character when life gives every reason not to.
The past weekend svc w Sy Rogers motivates me to wan to keep a record of the goodness of God in my life so that i can always remember. Remember His lovingkindness towards me and able to trust His Good Character when times demand the otherwise.
*The test is to Trust in God's character when life gives every reason not to.
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