Sat,31st Mar—God speaking to moi

Sat,31st Mar—God speaking to moi

I am so excited to wan to write down all that hap today.. it is so amazing or how should I describe.. I hop I can write down as accurately wat I experience today so that I will always rem what God is doing in my life.. haha.. God is Good.. He is the author and finisher of my life story.. God, You’re awesome!!!

Today, Dennis, Chris, Bernard, Kenneth and I met up for lunch at expo foodcourt..hmmm.. aft Bernard left, it’s like pair conversation taking place where chris was talking to Kenneth, and I was talking to dennis..

Man.. talking to dennis neva fail to encourage me.. I am so blessed to know him and listen to his words of encouragement.. today I shared with them the terrible experience I had on 2 days back on thurs, b4 the prayer meeting starts.. Shu hui and I act booked a row but a sis came to us in a manner that kinda demands the row from us..she had her wrist put on her waist and told us that she threw her bag onto the seat and hence booked the seats.. gosh.. I was huh.. in my heart I was thinking lik, wow, den I could fly a Frisbee over at the back and that row would be mine.. man.. reali absurd.. haha.. man, as I was telling them, I was still very much emotional abt it..

Anyway, right den twds the sis, I controlled myself and reason with her that it is ok that we gave up the seats but I wan to let her know that her gesture was not right at all..it’s not fair.. such an ungracious act..anyway, we did give up the row and told the usher abt it and they gave us anoth row.. man, I was reali upset.. like..reali upset and angry I think but much controlled too..

During prayer meeting wen we were praying 15mins in spirit 1st.. I felt convicted by God.. I felt that I could have had a beta attitude when I talked to that sista.. if my attitude is beta, I could have won her over in a sense and not reason in a manner that she doesn’t even care right then,.man.. thru out the prayer meeting I was kinda distracted.. distracted in thinking “God, am I a winsome person?”

In so many ways I feel that I am not winsome.. I told dennis abt this and he said this is “brokenness”..i always thot I am a winsome person bcoz of all the praises I received frm pp when they commented me on bringing many pp to church and like an evangelist in cg kind of.. to be honest I am reali flattered and lifted up in pride even..but on that thurs night, I realize that I am not as winsome a person as I thot I am.. act I felt a little discourage that man, how much work I gotta now do to become a winsome person..think I do feel disappointed with myself lik I failed. And I have qt a thing with failure.. I hate to think for a moment that I act failed in something I thot I am right all along.

I felt that I am not a winsome person coz I always treat pp harshly.. I had no regards or value peoples’ feelings.. I don care act, lik wat I responded to Chris b4 when he told me that I am insensitive to peoples’ feelings.. I am just as frank, direct and harsh most of the time to my friends..that thurs night I felt broken by God which I din realize until dennis told me this afternoon..

O, that incident with that sista is just one of the factor that caused me to think..aft prayer meet, jaz commented on terence that he is reali a solid person coz he is inviting his colleagues for easter whom 2 have already agreed to come.. Jas said he muz have been a good testimony in work for his colleague to see so that they would agree to come..
man, I was questioning myself, “ am I a good testimony for my colleagues to see? Maybe not.. that’s why I din dare to ask any of them except my buddy at work..hmmm..my life.. a testimony?.. good qn!

Dennis said, “Brokenness” is when you realise you are not wat you think you are..and I truly agree at this pt in time..”God, I am not as winsome as I thot I am”…but he encouraged me that God is doing a work in my life now coz God made me realize that I am not a winsome person as I thot I was ( I’m breaking in process).. to be truly winsome is when you win someone to you and eventually win them to Christ.. I still have a long way to go from this defn..

Den I told dennis there was one of this day that I was speaking into my future and I felt real happy abt it..however the following day wen I tried to speak into my future, I kinda hesitated like “will God reali bless me after wat I have done in my past?” I was wondering how come I was feeling that way coz the day b4 I was having faith and how come so fast now, I kinda qn God..man.. so thank God for Dennis, he shared with me that he experienced that b4 so it’s not uncommon to me alone.. so wat should I do?.. I gotta lay hold of my future in God.. I gotta believe that my God is good to give me a great destiny and future despite my past.. I gotta lay hold of my vision in God..

Den I told him wat I shared with my sis the night b4 we slept..i told him I was reali and still am excited at wat bro Chris said.. give him 3 mths to lead us.. that 1st week he spoke to us, I was like “YES! New vision! Yes!”.. 3 weeks lata, I was still wondering, “so wat’s the vision? I like don have vision yet!” haha..man, Dennis told me, I gotta get that vision myself.. bro Chris spoke that this 3 mths God is doing exciting things, but I muz grab that vision myself.. I gotta ask God for it.. haha.. I was lik “O, I muz get the vision myself?” haha.. I was like thinking I am to “receive” frm bro Chris only to realize I am to get it myself..haha..

O even my sis told me last night that I gotta ask, seek, and fast for a vision to be given by God.. it starts from a desire and that’s how my sis came to where she is today.. She believ this time round she will rise up to become a cgl..she has good feelings abt it.. I have confidence in her too coz I reali believ she will indeed become a cgl this yr..I pray that God will always protect her walk with Him that her service is out of that love relationship she has with Him..AMEN!..Jiayou phine!

Coming back, so was talking qt a lot to Dennis that he mentioned abt him gg SOT, working in church and serving in a new ministry called greeters ministry.. man.. he said that I have potential in there and that I will do well in the ministry coz of my personality..haha

I told him thank God I am bdae coordinator in cg..at least I am using my gift, if not I will die on the inside coz i need to do something and find meaning in wat I’m doing..i wan to serve..but the oth time jaz asked me to help out in cg.. hmmm..think bcoz I was passive so until now I also lik din do much..haiz..i told Dennis I wanted to join choir den he was lik saying choir is good but why not join a ministry that’s challenging..sth I neva did b4..i was lik hmmm..agree..

I wan to do sth more coz choir like on stage fortnightly or sth.. lik I needed more stimulation in a sense.. ha.. den he suggested why not I joined him in prison ministry,,ha.. well I did consider b4..ha..den we chatted 4 a while and made our way to hall 8.. O, b4 we left, he mentioned abt being spiritually employed and stuff..and

Now, second part of today’s blogging coming soon..

Today as I was worshipping God..we were singing Majesty..right then I felt that God is so good to me.. I began to understand what Dennis told me abt “brokenness”..

During worship, I teared..i teared bcoz I was thinking God is such a Majestic God yet He is concerned abt my life..

”Your Grace has found me just as I am..
empty-handed but alive in your hand..
Majesty Majesty,
forever I am changed by your love,
in the Presence of your Majesty”..

God is Majestic yet He loves me.

I felt that God is so great yet He is doing a work in my life..changing me to mature in my attitude and response..just wen I feel that I am Not that good as I thot I am, God still cares abt me..I felt very privileged that God values me..

Right then during worship I began to understand what Dennis meant by “brokenness”.. I felt that I am nothing but God saved me again and again.. Memories came flooding my mind, I thought I am good, I thought I am someone, I thought I am so great or good only to realize I am reali nothing..

I am a Christ-IAN.. but Without Christ, I Am Nothing..reali nothing without the saving grace of Jesus and the rescue from Holy Spirit.

If God had not SNATCHED me from the power of Egypt( from the devil) and from the hand of all my oppressors (Judges 6:9, my revelation wen I was like casually but eagerly reading the bible).. I wouldn’t even be here today..to be given the chance to have a vision and a great destiny ahead and working as a PE teacher..

I am “broken” coz God let me see that I am not as good I think I am..and He is a great and Majestic God yet He cares to work in my life..

How privileged I am to have God so mindful of me..wen I think abt my past and foolish mistakes I made and justify that I am not that bad a person, I indeed am.. I did a lot of foolish mistakes and God rescued me time and time again..

God, You are so good to me..

Act I couldn’t qt rem much of wat I felt during worship le as i blog now..but I rem Dennis said sth, “brokenness” is a process and I know that My God is breaking me bit by bit each day.. I may not fully rem how I felt durng worship but I know as I seek God, He will reveal heaven to me bit by bit, glimpse by glimpse.. I may not rem how I feel but I know God is breaking me and I know for sure that My God is a good God despite all.. I will not accept anyone accusing that God is non-existent..

I rem a few days back I was questioning myself is God real or does He exist.. den I save in my hp my response.." Thru the things that hap in my life, I simply cannot deny the existence of God..much as I would think everything in life is coincidental..they simply are not.. I can see so many times God’s just in time rescue work in my life.. too many times that I can only acknowledge His goodness and no doubt about His goodness.”

Sometimes, it’s reali not easy to feel God but reali trust in His heart when I can’t see His hand.. God is always working, always wooing, always winning our hearts to Him..Can we have a beta response twds Him? Keep asking..

The constant test for us Christians is reali “ Is God still good despite circumstances?”..
Can we trust His character of goodness?
How do we know?
Unless we walk with Him, when we know Him by experience, we know His character, we will know He is Good..
God is good bcoz His character demands Him to be so!
What’s God’s character?
..God is love (1 John 4:8)..
Why is God good?
Bcoz He is LOVE.. when you love someone, naturally you are good to that person.. this is common sense, no argument needed I suppose..

God is good bcoz God is Love!
How do I know?
Walk with Him..Read His love letter to me.. Observe what He has done for me and I know I cannot deny God..cannot deny His goodness to me coz it’s too obvious to be ignored..
I muz be blind to question God’s existence at this pt in time..i cannot and I will not..
Why?
Coz God had passed all the tests I set to prove His existence and goodness..
He has an unbroken track record of being good to me..too many times..
think wen I’m free I would like to write down as much as I rem so I can rem and be as sure as sure can be coz these are my precious experiences thou some of them are painful memories..these are scars in my life that remind me that God has healed me.. Hallelujah!!!

Sermon Of the Day

Today Pst Mark Conner is preaching.. His topic is “How to Connect to God?”

Main verse is John 15:1-8 (final words of Jesus b4 gg to the cross so v.v.v.v.v.impt.. Why? common sense tells you that a person’s final words are always most impt..ha..)

-Keep connected to Jesus and my life will be incredibly fruitful!

-God wants us to be fruitful in every area of our life

-Key to fruitfulness => stay connected with God
=> Abide, Remain, stay connected

* I am to stay connected with God

-everyone can connect to God but we are so different individually..

in 1)looks, 2)personality, 3)spiritual gifts, 4) language of love and 5) in our connection with God..so

5 ways of connecting(abiding) with God (styles of some pp connecting to God)

#1—Contemplative style
-love silence, solitude
-enjoy times of solitation and reflection
-disconnected with the busyness of life den can feel connected to God
-can be deeply spiritual
-in solitude that they are connected to God

#2—Intellectual style
-need the mind to be fully challenged
-need mind stimulation
-looking for substance
-need mind to be stretched and challenged therefore always engage in bible study and teaching

#3—Serving style
-love to be busy
-using their gifts and active in using their lives to serve others, that’s how they feel the presence of God
-enjoy living in a high challenge world
-as they serve, they feel God
Eg. Mother Theresa
-when they feel like they’re the hands and feet of Jesus, that’s where they feel God most deeply.

#4—Relational Style
-love to do things in groups, in community
-these are the people who “when 2 or 3 are gathered in My Name,there I will be….” kind of people
-in community, they feel God

#5—Charismatic style
-can feel or see God’s presence and power den they come alive
-love worship
-need something they can see or feel den they feel God’s presence
Eg Benny Hinn

Question: which is the right style?

Act, there’s a variety of styles for everyone.

How to apply the style?

Step 1—Identify your primary style
-ha..initially I was lik “don noe coz I seem to have a bit of every style” but think my primary is Serving.. I need to work to feel meaningfulness, to feel that I am in the right place that God had placed me in..ha

Step 2—Arrange your life around that style
-so you have time that lead into connection with God

Step 3—Understand and accept others who are different
-different is not wrong, they have permission to be different.

Step 4—Learn other ways of communication with God.
-never be extreme in 1 style
-be balance in oth styles too

Pst Mark mentioned that people with different style need to…

1. Comtemplative --> need to communicate with others
2. Intellectual --> be open to experiences, faith

-ha.. wen he talked abt this, Christine, Shuhui and I were thinking abt Brian..act aft svc think Christine is worried abt Brian coz he lik not doing very well spiritually..certain beliefs that he holds don seem qt right to her and I can see and feel that she is very very concerned..Brian, if you do read this portion I wan to let you know, you have a spiritual family here..we do hop you can connect to us and let’s help one anoth to know God deeper..

sometimes we need to reason coz God gave us a brain to think, to consider, to analyse and to draw conclusions..But most of the times we need knowledge by experience..that then would truly be “I know God” like how you know a friend..

ha..i told christine an eg..simply bcoz I din see kat for mths will I then draw the conclusion that she is not in existence?.. that’s crazy man.. simply bcoz I din see her would mean that she is not good to me?.. that’s rubbish too..coz I know my friend.. I know kat.. and I always Thank God that Kat you are my friend.. you are reali heaven-sent Friend to me in times of need..God is amazing so are you..ha.. let’s stay connected..

3. Serving --> need to dev intimacy with Jesus(coz sometimes can get too work oriented)

4. Relational --> need to be dependent on God and not people

5. Charismatic --> need to build their lives on truths and not just feelings only.

-Jesus balance all 5 styles
-Jesus seek God in solitude wen he draw away frm crowd and go pray
-Jesus is intellectual -->He’s the Word in flesh
-Jesus serves pp --> eg wash his disciples’ feet
-Jesus is relational --> 3 in 1 God --> community or 1st cg..ha..Jesus live life in community.eg, even b4 he prayed, he asked his disciples to pray too.
-Jesus is charismatic --> full of the Holy Spirit and power

Step 5—Consider the implications of this model

Conclusion: Fruitfulness is a by-product of connecting to God

At the end of svc, to my pleasant surprise..haha.. Pst Tan mentioned abt being spiritually employed in church..Coz svc ended early and he wanted us to go fellowship so we can discuss and will understand one anoth style of connecting with God and helping one anoth grow in God..

every member is a minister..we need to be spiritually employed so our church will grow..

man..aft svc, I was surprised again coz Jaz came for svc.. she was supposed to be at rendang and spent the weekend with bro Chris and Jepthah..ha.. den she came and I took the opportunity to tel her that I wan to serve in a ministry.. think I asked her abt prison ministry den she said beta not coz complicated in a sense for a sista esp..so I asked her abt greeter ministry and she said she will tel bro Darren abt it..man..cool..haha..

once again, God, Your timing is so Great..why? coz Rem I mentioned b4 svc wen Dennis and I were sharing, he also told me abt spiritual employability (like 1st confirmation)..

Just now Pst Tan mentioned to be spiritually employed (ha..like 2nd confirmation).. after svc, dennis told me that the word was for me.. I think so too..haha..spiritual employability..and

my 3rd confirmation--I got the opportunity to tell Jaz I wan serve in a ministry (wen I thot I have to tel her wen she’s back on tues).. yeah.. I feel so excited for my future..

*God, it is reali not me serving but You in me.. God, if without You, how would my life be? I surely wouldn’t be able to have my dream come true to teach in ITE College East.. I wouldn’t even have a dream in the first place coz right den I already lost all hope ..but You came to my rescue.