God is faithful and good..i have a good end for 2007

been wanting to blog for a long while esp aft i came back from Chongqing..

i think i am reali very blessed and God is indeed a Faithful and Good God to me despite my faults and weaknesses..He has granted me the desires of my heart that i can boldly say that yr 2007 is a good year for me..

I have a few desires that is fulfilled in a miraculous way i would say.

1st i went for a mission trip in 2007 that i said i wanna to go after i came back from HK in yr 2006.

Think a few people knew that i almost couldn't go for the Chongqing trip coz i thot i could not afford it..was reali tight financially.
Praise God, the trip was paid for and i was able to go..the trip was fruitful, it was definitely heartening to see how the kids spelled so well wen they were given difficult words. I also saw their perseverance despite not being able to spell, they stood on the stage till the time is up, fighting to the last sec trying to spell the word, they were reali very brave.All kids reali put in much time n efforts for the competition..

from the trip i saw that everyone is reali gifted and each's expertise in different area reali helped to make the whole event a great success..initially i felt bad to "arrow" shu hui to do certain things but bcoz she was on stage doing some task i was able to "lead" the crowd to wave wen a finale song was sang..think i felt i was in a position that i could perform beta..ha..thou i felt bad but i think it was beta that i lead the crowd den clicking the translated lyrics to an english song (shu hui was given the arrow in That finals' morn..ha)..

think bcoz i was free fr tt ppt clicking task i was able to conduct interview with the students n wat they said reali inspired..i rem the p6 champ said it's bcoz she believes in herslef and she reali worked hard that she was able to get champ..i could reali see in her eyes the focus and determination to win..act to be honest she looked such an averg student yet she reali emerged as champ coz of her belief, her confidence,determination n focus..she is an inspiration to me coz an averg can become extraordinary wen you believe..right then i understood wat bible says accoring to our faith it shall be done..God's word is true..Faith makes things possible.

my 2nd desire is alwys to be able to serve God in a ministry..ha.. that was fulfilled in an unusual timing i would say.. i always wonder God why do you let me serve You in a time that i felt i was not strong..Think lik wat deanna told me b4, promotion always come in a time wen we least expected it..wen i felt spiritually strong,i was made to wait..wen i felt weak, i was given the chance to serve..

Thank God i'm now a greeter, God reali humbled me and i felt privileged in many contacts i made with the new people..a few impressionable ones are a couple who never come to church b4, i was the 1st contact to them to get them seats, i hop i can help them find a cg..anoth lady she looked close up but end up she was open to joining a cg wen i asked her abt it.. i was so pleasantly surprised..it was 24th dec, mon evening svc i rem..ha..

3rd wish was granted wen i heard that my cg is going to be under bro darren..man i felt lik heaven over my life..new start for myself..hopfully dear will join bro darren and lik him lik how he likes justin coz i noe darren is reali a very good leader..a different kind fr bro chris..

think i told a few people that facing bro chris was always sth i struggled for the past few weeks or mths to say..i felt was so bad that every fri b4 gg cg i would ask myself, "muz i go?"

think i always felt guilty that i kinda betrayed their trust n bcoz of tt, i din even dare to talk much to jaz which reali saddens me a lot..

but the thot of being in darren's cg filled my heart and mind with hopes that things will get beta..i will get stronger in my spiritual walk..

act i even visualise myself getting stronger, rising up to serve God in a greater manner, in cg and in greeters' ministry..ha..den on the oth hand i am also concerned abt my relationship with alan..

to be honest my desire for yr 2008 is that alan will join and grow in the cg under darren..i can imagine that dear will be such a strong man of God wen he allows himself to get rooted in a cg, esp under darren's leadership..

juz now read alan's blog, if he likes Pst Tan, i believe he will like darren if he has given himself that chance and time to experience wat a cg is like..think bcoz of my many yrs in church these are the things i hop to see for alan..yet as i'm writing this i knew in my heart that it is not my will nor thoughts to change alan but God' Higher ways and thoughts, God's timing is definitely so much better than mine..coz He knows what's good..He's a cool God..hahaha..
Only God can change a man's heart,no one else can..

So i'm believing strongly in my heart that yr 2008 is going to be the best year yet for my life..i believe it is going to be good coz i am convicted by yest svc wen Pst Tan said "Repent" = Return to the Highest level of thinking => Return to God's thoughts cos God's thought are higher than ours..

in this yr 2008,

1st,I wan to walk closer with God everyday coz yest wen i was worshipping in svc, i felt touched in my heart that even times wen i was making mistakes, Jesus was still with me..He had never left me n i felt very touched..bcoz of Jesus still being with me wen i sinned agst Him, i wanna to walk with Him closer in this 2008..

2nd, i pray that i will grow to love the Word of God, to be a woman of God's word..so cool..to be so fully occupied and transformed by the word of God..it's going to be so awesome..

There are so many changes i wanna make..i pray that God's grace will sustain me in continuing to make the decisions, be dedicated and be disciplined to make the changes i needed to make to become a better person in God..to become the woman that God had intended for me to become..

In Jesus' name, let it be done..Amen!

so many thoughts from birthday

on fri at MS..think hui yee said sth tt touched my heart a lot..she said "pam come to get something from her friend right, it was for you"..

gosh..the moment she said it was FOR ME den they handed the prezzis from all the gals in the dept..man..i couldn't help but to tear..gosh..muz hav shock them why such dramatic response..but reali..i was so verytouched coz it was so unexpected..haha..it was a total SURPRISE...

thank you gals..so sweet of them to rem my birthday and had some kind of operations behind my back..hahaha..so cute..ha..

den in pam's car, 1st person i called is kristy..gosh..tt's wen i non stop crying again..haha..reali very touched..den called eunice who gave an expected greeting on the phone "zuo mo?" haha..den called cool emily and lizzie..

den at night dear gave me a very expensive prezzie..Oakley Radar that cost like 390..gosh..it's wat i wanted for a long time too..

was surprised coz we did make a pact that i will get it myself but he's so sweet..he got it for me..hmmm..act feel bit pain coz it reali cost a lot leh..hmmmm..dear thank you yea..

act sat wen for blood donation drive,by default it was at the dhoby ghaut mrt there..hmmm..i was so happy that my iron level passed..

but was disappointed coz i din hav enuf fluid in my body hence wen my blood flowed into the packet, within few mintues, i kinda felt dizzy, my vision turned yellow, couldn't hear wat the nurse said, next thing i saw was she removed the needle from my hand..i was made to lay down with legs raised..felt giddy, little fearful coz don noe wat to expect..shocked at wat was happening to me..couldn't understand why, was juz so bend on donating blood or rather was disaoppointed that the needle had to be taken out..

i couldn't donate blood coz not enuf fluid..wat a painful lesson to learn..i had wanted to donate blood on my bdae..had waited for mths only to flop coz not enuf fluid..wah..reali memorable lesson learnt..anyway now i noe i can pop iron pill the night b4 and on the day itself to pass the iron test..hmmmm..and lots of fluid..now gotta wait for anoth 3 mths..hmmm..memorable lesson on my bdae..hmmmm..

think this bdae is filled with touching moments when i cried so much and also disapointments that is reali hard lessons to learn..hmmmm..

O wen i went hm on sun..haha..my sis sud turn off thh lights and right then my mum and sis sang me a birthday song..it was totally uncalled for..totally surprised and reali touched..almost taered out but held back..so sweet..the love of family..nothing beats that..O on the night of my birthday, my dad, mum and sis each called to wish me..wah..reali miss them so much on that night..kinda emot too...hmmmm..

think i reali wanna Thank everyone who remembered my birthday..think as i grow older, i reali appreciate people who remember my birthday..it took efforts to remember and wish people on their memeorable date of birth..

Thank God for such nice friends, old and new friends who care enuf to remember..
Thank you..Thank you for all the prezzies given to me..coz it takes time and effort and money to get it..thank you for giving me value expressed from all the things that you all have done for me..thank you..

lastly, Thank God that i was borned, without Him, i wouldn't be created..without Him working in my life changing me here and there and many work to be done, where would i be today?

Thank you Jesus for Your faithfulness, You held on to me even thou i so don deserve so much goodness..

Thank you Jesus for everything wonderful in my life and the promise of turning wat's bad in my life into good..looking forward to more changes in my life..

I am a 21km finisher..26th Aug

Praise and Thank God that i have finished the 21km tdy..man..think this is by far the hardest race i ran in a sense..i ran despite my knees do not allow me to go ant faster..

think based on my own timing, my time was 2:15 which was prob 7 mins faster from my 2:22 in yr 2006 ahm (army half marathon)..perhaps 1km faster than last yr wen i din train at all..think i'm pretty pleased with myself thou i reali feel that it was a little wasted in a sense..

let me recount my thinking process since the start of the race..

think it's good that dear and i reached there earlier..i was at esplanade abt 4am..slept like only 3 hrs..wen i woke up, man, my calves were aching from the 14+5km run on fri..haha..

not complaining but think the 14km did boost my confidence to finish 21km..

oki..tdy started well coz was qt front at the starting line..very good very good..thank God for "uncle" aka dear's advice..haha..

5.30am..the sound went off..21km started..everyone was running, can hear the "beep beep" sound from the time recording mats..

was running..hmmmm.. think on the expressway, felt bit distracted coz seems like everyone from the back were running ahead of me..i felt lousy like being overtaken..but i told myslef..those peopel were those people..perhaps they have trained well for the race..wateva it is, i am doing ok coz i maintain a constant pace, good enuf for myslef..gotta tel myself that i am doing fine..in my heart was also thinking "see who last longer" coz so many pp pia like the dist is so short..haha..

anyway felt that the route this yr like very good..at least at the expressway the weren't any bottleneck..ha..perhaps, past 2 yrs i was in the wave way way behind so experienced "human jam" during race..

anyway, was keeping a constant pace till i reached East coast park..saw from opposite so many people running back to the finishing line..was checking timing, wondered if i would see dear..think the desire to want to see dear serves as a good distraction..haha..coz i could feel myself running faster and faster while trying to see him..think mayb at 8 or 9km was thinking perhaps i missed dear le coz cant see him..den told myself, "if can see him den goos lo if not den it's ok"..think that thot kinda ease me from possible disappointment and den to my greatest delight.i saw dear running..hahaha..he saw me too..think he was looking out for me too..can see..haha..so nice..i clapped a few times as signs of encouragement for him..haha..heard him respond to me too..haha..happy..

man..after this motivation, kinda move to motivate myself to reach turning point soon..man..spped dropped a little coz no one to look forward to in a sense..ha..well..prob a few more clicks to turning pt..

finally turned le..told myslef, this is "NOW" running for me..at 12km plus, kinda psycho myself that 8km more..very fast..finish it..so i was thinking in my mind and heart, looking at my timing and finally decided "i can finish it in 2hrs".. this was the constant thot for me for abt 2 to 3 km..den looking at my timing, knowing that i couldn't hit my 2 hr target, gotta quickly adjust my expectations and and set a new target say, 2:05..i kept running..

in my mind my thots were "push my treshold, push my treshold" this thot allowed me to last till prob 19km..

think wen i reached 19km, it was already 2hrs..man..i stopped to walk for 10 steps den decided, juz 2 more km..finished it..i have come so far..finish strong..man..

much as i would like to run fast, i couldn't coz my knees got reali stiff..my speed dropped instead of increasing..felt so sad coz so many pp were catching up from behind and overtook me coz left 2kn more..

act was thinking mayb can finished 2km in 10 mins, kinda force myself to go faster..man..that worked for 1 km..left 1 km..reali struggled..couldn't go faster, speed was slow..

saw dear, so nice that he came back to look for me and pace me..bcoz of him, i reali pushed myself more to finish it..500m more was killing but i go all the way..so happy wen i saw the time..2:16..but i stopped my own time at abt 2:15 so gotta see the official timing wen it got released..

think i am pleased that by God' grace i have finished a beta timing than last yr..but felt wasted coz if i could run faster, how nice to have completed 21km in 2 hrs..

i have fought the good fight
i have finished the race
i have kept the faith

God, thank you for enabling me to finish the race coz my body comes from You..

Patience

felt happy that we ran at ECP at 00:00hrs..haha..it's the timing when we ran that i am so amazed and the dist that we clocked that i felt happy abt..

tml is ahm..hop to do a good timing..

think lesson of the week would be patience..coz mon was down with flu..man..i rarely fall sick but past 2 weeks kinda weak..

this week is a weak week for me in a sense..mon flu, tues slightly beta, thot wed can run den 05:50hrs, red star award come..wed after morn lesson, felt unwell..went hm to zzz..man the earliest time i ever leav sch..12.30pm..gosh..think my attitude twds sch has slacken much..

everything anyhow..anything lo..haiz..gotta pick up again daphne..cant stay slack for long..

had been thinking a bit abt staying in sch to teach..or do i wanna ciao? hmmmm..yest told vincent abt it..he said sth that realiset me thinking..m i monkey see monkey do? izit coz my frens are ciao-ing that i wan to ciao too? hmmm..wat's the good reasons for me to leave? can i tahan till my 2 yr contract ends? do i wan a new jod..haiz..

hadn't reali pray thou i noe i need to..mayb wan to tak things my way. do it my way that i don wanna depend God..hmmm..God..who are you to me? how important are you to me?

help me to walk close with You once more..let me not deviate too far from you..i need You..need your wisdom..

is this the right or good time to ciao..do i wan ciao coz syst reali yucky or coz i'm finding excuses..m i too lazy to work or sch reali ain't worth my efforts..haiz..

attitude attitude attitude..only i can change my attitude..

i love my life..i need life..i need to feel useful..i need to feel i am useful..passion..wat's my passion?

life..wat's life? everyth anyth can be so vulnerable..muz i run this race..

God, make me to be a woman of breakthroughs..i need breakthroughs..i'm dying on the inside in certain parts..i need life man..

i need to pray and read God's word again isn't it..i need to get simple with God again..

God i miss You..help me to spend simple time with You..help me to be softhearted again..let me not have things my way i pray coz i will destroy myself i think..

Focus..daphne..keep running..keep walking with Jesus.."Saba" = Patience..patience with yourself..keep making changes..good changes that will make your life beta..
God, turn my heart towars You..

a woman after Your heart i pray...

God is good despite all~16th Aug

i think God is very quick to work when i prayed..think a portion of my heart died just now..

i rem yest i prayed and told God to capture my heart totally..

man, this morn i gotta make a decision that i felt so pained that i teared a little..

clashes of desires..heart die..feel like tearing but cannot..God have your way in me..

it's a good news that spelling bee in china is confirmed to be from 17-19th dec..howeva on the 17th dec is anoth important event to me..alan's birthday..

going for the china trip would mean that i could not celeb his birthday..ha..wat a timely schedule..

think God, my heart is bit more broken now..i have made a choice that i noe what it felt like to sacrifice..gosh..daphne, try not to tear pls, don get emot..i wish not to but i cant..gotta hold my tears, i'm in office..

i will go for the china trip..i will go..i will fulfil the word taht kat and i said wen we came back from HK last july in 2006.. we said that we want to go for at least 1 mission trip in the year 2007..

cheer up daphne, your word in your bond and you are going to fulfil your word to yourself..you are going for the mission trip in dec 2007..china~my heart's desire..

God captured my heart totally i pray once again..thou the opportunities come with a sacrifice, let me fulfil my purpose in You..

New mtd of running for me-03 Aug

yest i tried running on the ball of my foot thruout..ha..not bad, did it non stop for 50 mins..quite prond of myself that i endured thru coz reali not used to it...it was prob the 2nd time i tried this new mtd that lizzie told me abt..

that's how her tri squad trains their running..

i felt good running on the ball of my foot thou it was reali taxing..even now, my calves are aching lik mad..ha..but feeling is darn good..haha..quite proud of myself..well done daph..

anyway i felt happy abt yest running also coz discovered a new route..pretty quiet but straight route so kinda easy to run..it's lik the perimeter of Laguna National..

anyway new mtd of running felt pretty good coz my knees din felt any impact until abt nearing the 50min unlik my usual half an hr i would hav felt someth..

think reali need to lossen my ITB if i wan to run longer and beta..haha..so excited abt gg running with dear tml..hop my legs recova fast to go run with him..been so long since we last run..so miss running together..haha

anyway had conversation w liz just now..i reali need learn sth..

LOve daphne more..learn to do something i love to do, just for myself..

love you daph..jiayou..

1st Aug,Zouk night~emot night

It was an emot night wen we finally "marked attendance" with "Ms Kristy" at 1 am..

b4 we walked out, she was saying that she would miss us..

man, right den could felt tears in my eyes, was quickly blinking my eyes hoping that the water in my eyes will dry up quick while i was walking ahead of pam and kristy..trying not to get emot..so paisei..wait tear again..

but Kristy was so real to express herself..juz b4 we go off, she said that she will neva find such good colleagues like us in OFS..she said we are good colleagues and she was tearing, gosh..i couldn't hold myself further but to tear as well..man..such an emot night..i reali miss her..felt so much right den..think apart from kat leaving for Indo, i hadn't tear for anoth friend..gosh as i'm writing this, thinking abt her juz made me wanna cry now..but i cant..in office..but water are flooding my eyes now..my gosh..so wish i ain't so emot..but it's just my way of expression..perhaps as i matured, i have learnt not to supress my emot so much than wen i was younger..hmmmm..ok..cool..chill..steady now..no crying..

Kristy is one that she is just so her when in the office anytime she felt any yuan qi she will just tel us..in her dramatic exagerrated manner..gonna miss that so much man..her way of speech and acting skill..

think coz of her, i learnt to share more with her..weneva i kena arrow i will 1st look for her to pour out my "yuan qi" from the arrow..

now that she is in OFS, i wont be able to share my yuan qi that conveniently..

tdy conduct NAPFA test, was pretty quiet in the morn..unusual of me..perhaps tired from zouk emot night..anyway, a day has passed..tak time to settle my emots..wen i don think, ths ain't tt bad..no tears..cool and steady..chill..don cry daph..don cry..my gosh..control yea..breathe in..learn to move on..i muz matured..friendship can stand the test of time..hop my friendship with Kristy ain't seasonal..

i make things happen...

One of the days~

haiz..tdy oe of the days that i felt so xian abt..i reali wan to do a good job for stand chart collation but the uncertainties reali drained me..

thank God for hui yee who was there to listened to me blappp qt a bit..gosh..haiz..credibity kind down..someth i hate the most..students were sup to be sponsor fully initially but now they hav to pay..$5/-

wat's unsure was they may and may not need pay for medical check upn insurance..if more payment from them, nos may drop but tt's not the point..it's sch's credibility in event org will drop..my reputation as teacher may drop too..xian!..how to ask my dragon boat pp for participation in future? gosh..wish i can be in meeting to check ths out..

think i realise sth more prominent abt myself..when i work, i will wan to do ths well and i need do it fast b4 my momentum slows..think this is my potential weakness as well coz consistency is sth tt i hav difficulty with i think..potential discouragement and morale low comes pretty easy too..tt's y i lik wan to vent my frus but cant..thou did blap a bit to buddy but kinda not enuf..i need hrs of blapping..haiz..quality time person mah..

Thank God for Fhirhad..felt bit encouraged by him while he was tombang-ing me to my bus stop..out of nowhere he popped a statement saying i was doing well..man..i was lik????..wat did i do man..he said i'm taking up qt bit of responsibilities and my energy lvl still there..act in my heart i was lik, my energy lvl had gone lower than b4, felt xian..but come to think abt it, perhaps it's God's way of timely encouragement to me..kinda felt so long since i felt encouraged..hmmmm..

anyway, did encourage myself a bit while i was running..man..adhoc decision to run..act wanna go hm den run but was thinking i need compiled the namelist fr Mani so decided go run 1st den back to office for work..

act shoes for running need to change lo..think my ascis need to retire lo..hmmmm..if not for the insole think the cushioning support could hav been worst..

anyhow run..don noe distance as usual..ran 1:01:15..not very spectacular but at least i tried to break through 1 hr..i did..well done daphne..

think my new prayer request is "God help me to love and accept myself by Your Grace, help me to love You by your Grace."

Grace= God's gift of supernatural ability to do sth that i cant do on my own strength..

yupz..loving myself, loving God is sth i wish i can use my own ability to, but i recognise i cant..I need His Grace to help me to love..

man..my thots are flying all over now..

any way, ran on last wed,25th July 07

20 rounds-435m X 20 =8.7km..

thurs rest..farewell lunch..man..carbo and fats load,went samy's curry..

ran on 27th Jul with pammy at ECP..

slow pace but realise she picked up speed at our return..haha..we both thot we were running faster and hence we followed "each other's pace"..haha..i thot she was running faster while she thot that of me too..ha..pengz..anyway last 200m i think we jack up our speed, i was faster coz think her calves din allow her to overtak me..

time taken for that route..56'56..mayb can buy 4D..ha..pretty good run..funny i would say..speeding coz we thot we were following each oth's pace..

sat rest-NDP

sun, ministry time..got prayed for..1st response to altar call..gosh tt sis who prayed for me was powerful..everyth tt she prayed was a hit on..she kept praying that my mind belongs to God, my mind belongs to God..my past has no effects on me..

so true the ths she prayed..indeed anointed by the Spirit of God..coz that week had 1 night that i struggled so much with my thots..my esteem..act had drama with alan too..if God did not help i would have sank so low emotionally and mentally..n put our relationship at stake..reali risky unnec stake..

2nd altar call..i cried so hard..cried so hard..no major drama lik manifest but cried very hard..

think need to keep myself clean now aft God had cleansed me..kinda became more conscious to pray now..esp tdy felt so low w stand chart matters..

God, enlarge my capacity..help me to hav good and right attitudes..think this is the growing period for me..act felt uncomfortable in many ways..who likes stretching period..God, stretch my capacity..enlarge my capacity..help!!! God, i need Your grace like neva b4..

daph Jiayou..as i expand, my prayer life needs to get stronger..as i enlarge, all the more i need God..i need to learnt to acknowledge God and depend on His Grace..

God You are good, keep me in thespirit of prayer i pray..

Happy running!!!

hahaha..i feel so happy now..hahaha..finally get to run tdy..2 rds warm up, 16rds non stop..ha..so abt 6.4km lo..

act target to run 25 rounds, but kinda wanna go hm early..miss hm..miss hm cooked food..haha..so stop at 16..wasn't disapoointed but was gald that at least i get to run tdy..haha..

initially after submitted ALL my assignments..finally..haha..wanted to go hm coz track was relatively wet from the earlier rain..was bit sad coz like cant run again or if i go hm eat aleady, may be lazy to run or scare will have stitch if i ran in the night..

den fhirhad juz pop the qn, wanna go run..i was like "really ah?" haha..den i replied.."ok lo ok lo, let's go"..haha

so went down to run..man..1st 2 rounds, the air was so very cold..my gosh..den shoelace came off..xian..stop to tie it den waited for fhirhad den we start running together..man..1st few rounds was pretty uncomfy coz my right shin felt tight..den stitch came too..but i continued on, partly coz fhirhad was beside, i wouldn't wan to stop..so now timing for my per round to do some analysis..ha..

Round 1-2'51"57
2-2'52"12
3-2'49"46
4-2'52"66
5-2'50"11
6-2'46"17
7-2'49"83
8-2'48"59
9-2'48"91
10-2'47"03
11-2'47"81
12-2'46"46
13-2'49"31
14-2'53"73
15-2'57"76
16-2'53"79

analysis..think my timing pretty consistent..haha..thou it's reali not a very good timing but think if i tak it easy for myself..these timings are ok..ok for the start consider the fact that i ran 10km lik 2 weeks back..so long ago..

haha..think my body gets into an auto mode probably like after 4 or 5km..think my 8th lap onwards like not too bad..haha..den last few dip a bit..ha..

act tdy running w fhirhad is reali a very easy and comfortable pace..even after the run, i don perspire as much as if i din run at all..haha..coz fhirhad's knee got some prob so coyldn't run reali fast..think running with him is a good start for me to train..in a sense, i don get so harsh on myself 4 the 1st training..

act now i am so very happy after the run..haha..think coz i finally get to do wat i plan..TO RUn!!!!.. running act makes me feel very happy..it is something i feel relatively confeident in..and yet it is the very thing that i can get disappointed ith myself coz some of the expectations i place on myself..think i can be qt harsh on myself..like i accept no failure from myself yet i am imperfect but i don qt accept this..ha..irony right..

ha..anyway i hop by God's grace, i will be able to love and accept myself more..especially abt accepting my weaknesses coz this is an area that i struggle a lot..ha..

anyway, tdy i learnt a lot of ths frm mani..that each lane is 5m different, meaning lane 2 is 405m, lane 3 is 410m and so forth..haha..think as i was listening to mani sharing on how he used to train for his steeple chase and stuff..reali inspire me..but wat inspire me the most is that our colleague, Rama, one that used to lose to mani during their secondary sch days, Rama act set a marathon record b4..
my gosh..i you yan bu shi Or yee Or..haha..rama became a marathon runner after his army times den he trains and he sets a record..my gosh..i'm very inspire..reali inspire..presently wat i heard is thet he runs everyday 10km at least..my gosh..i heard frm mani that rama will go sch early den run for an hr den wash up to prep for 8am class..man..i wanna be like that too..

let tdy be the 1st day that i start running everyday..

5 weeks to AHM..i hop i will have enuf training to run 21km comfortably..haha..

think my mentality for now is train hard for now so i can run comfortably during the actual race..

ha..wah..means, i muz reali run a lot a lot a lot now..EVERYDAY..haha..jiayou daph..

think knowing that i want to run more makes me even more conscious of stretching..precisely i wan to last long for my trainings days and races, all the more i will make effort to tak care of my body..i wnat to stretch sufficiently so my body can take me go further, go longer and most importantly go faster..

God bless me..give me the grace to run together with You God..I am the Head and not the tail..

I want to train for swisshotel Vertical marathon too..hop can join with alan too..lovers' challenge..haha..well..we wont go competitive, just for an experience lo..haha..interesting..

Boston marathon..your dream is my dream..let's train for it..

God sees me as the Head and not the tail.

Wow..haha..been a long tim since i blog..hmmm..wonder how many still read..haha..but doesn't matter..

been reading Joyce Meyer's book on approval addiction..one of the chpt i on loving myself..gosh..good topic..

love myself..accept myself..being at peace with myself..building a relationship with myself..this are reali efforts i gotta make..

think it's so irony..to say i love myself it's not that true coz there are many things i reali don like abt myself..esp my weaknesses..my past..man..

to say i hate myself, not that true either coz i do like myself a lot when i buy ths..a lot of shopping for myself..ha..

past 2 days, read the book and also went thru some experiences..reali make me think..i reali hate weaknesses..i hate being or feeling weak,being seen weak is the worst..i agree w wat Joyce Meyer said..look tough on the outside yet many times very afraid on the inside..

that's me..sometimes i wonder how on earth can i be so proud yet insecure at the same time? ha..

tdy finally went to pray a little longer..told God some stuff..den on my way to sch felt God impress this into my heart when i was thinking how successful i'm gg to be this time round of loving and accepting myself..

den this thot came..God sees me as the HEAD and not the tail..

i think God is very confident that i will succeed in Him, in loving and accepting myself..

i reali have many weaknesses..to accept them is reali a huge effort on my part coz i so hate to be weak..

irony..i want to be broken yet the process of being broken can be reali painful which makes me unwilling to a certain extent..hmmm..

God break me i pray..You see me as the HEAD and not the tail..help me to remember well Holy Spirit!

Amen!!!

*daphne i love and accept you for who you are..i see you as God sees you..
God sees me as the HEAD and not that tail..Live victoriously..

060607-3rd day after EMERGE 2007

It’s all about the love of Jesus..
It’s all about the love of Jesus..

This is the 3rd day after Emerge, so much have happened..mon I felt that I was doing pretty fine, come tues I seem to lose my focus, I was like a bit lost even in my work..distracted and this mon as I pray..Praise God, I am back in focus again..

It’s reali all about the love of Jesus.

Jesus loves me..
God loves me..
He loves me..

Your love makes me strong..
Your love makes me willing..

God, You first touched me when I was 14, this yr as I’m turning 24..it’s ten yrs already..yet God You have neva let me go..You are always so faithful to me still..

4th day of Emerge, sun morn svc I was so touched when Pst Kong was preaching on the depressed wife (a msg I heard b4)..I felt like that depressed wife..i can’t forgive myself coz I’m such a sinful woman..

God, many sins that I commited was not BC time (before Christ) but after I became a believer.. but that sun Jesus freed me again..God, let Your light dispel the darkness in me..God I need Your light in my life..that morn when Pst was giving the altar call I was tearing..kinda non stop coz I felt that God is so good to me, I have people who love me, my life is so blessed yet I felt so underserving coz I made so many mistakes ..i just so needed Christ’s forgiveness again, I need to forgive myself..Jesus gave me hope again..

In the night, the finale when Pst Kong was preaching on the trumpet carrier..i was so very touched..one of the time when I responded readily to the altar call..

Father God, let that which break Your heart break mine..break it, take it and use it..Father, break my heart..

That svc I felt like it is No longer I who live but Christ lives in me..my heart my life is no longer mine..i gave it to God..

I am a trumpet carrier..
I am a trumpet carrier..
I am a trumpet carrier..

God,it’s Your love..

Let me be deeply rooted in Your love..
Let me be deeply rooted in Your love coz Your love makes me willing..

Willing to make changes in my life

Daphne, Focus on the love of God..

Jesus You love me..
Jesus You love me..

Father You know me even before I was borned..
You know What You are doing when You created me..
You know what kind of personality to put in me when You think of me..
You know what kind of body structure to give me..
God You knew me even before I was borned..
You know me..
i was in Your mind..
a concept even before world was created..
God, why do You love me so?
Let me know You..Know Your love..

Daphne, be deeply rooted in God’s love..be insecure no more..Accept God’s love..Take the risk to accept God’s love..tak the risk..i’m reali scared God, accepting Your love will make me feel vulnerable and weak perhaps..but God, let me see and understand Your love for me that I may appreciate you..

daph, REMEMBER the love of God..

Jesus loves me..

240507-One of the most happening day in my life

“I love my life” this is my new found 4 words of the day and always I would think..

24th may, kinda the last day of PCTE but the 1st day of my work..
Buddy was injured le, she may tear her ligament..believe she was so in pain and fearful when that hap. Wish i could be there but I could only call her. Buddy, sorry I hav competition on sat, cant visit you, mayb sun..act fri which is like today, I may be able to pop by her place, but mayb I will go hm and not join my class as planned as I still have some work that I owe people..buddy will see you soon..

Thursday, such as exciting day..think I was pretty stressed to the extent when I talked to alan abt it in the afternoon when my class was released like 12plus, I was lik verbal diarrhea over the phone.

I was laughing a lot coz think when I’m stressed, I would like to laugh it off..think can be qt a bad thing as I’m like denying my stress and act the opposite..i will do sth abt this weird habit of mine..mayb it’s certain kind of suppression of feelings..mayb I was thinking if I don feel so much I may be able to keep cool a little and be logical minded and do my work..anyway it was qt a day I would say.

Thou it was such a happening day..i cant help but to acknowledge my God is so very extremely good to me..

Even thou I made many mistakes, hah and have many yucky attitudes, God is still very merciful, gracious and faithful to me..
Thank you Jesus..

Wat hap was everyth seems to fall in place just in 1 day..God is good and I’m so blessed with many great and nice people in my life..

These are the things that just kinda fall in place.

#1-Manage to buy tapes from Ronnie. I made the call at about 9plus in the morning, we arranged and he traveled esp to dover mrt to pass me tapes that cost $59 at 3pm after rushing from his mtg and stuff..when I was waiting I was lik, crazy, which bizman will travel to pass client goods that cost so little and mayb his cost of petrol is half of wat I’m paying him..pretty unusual yet I Thank God for such a grace and favour. So amazing how I can call tdy and get the tapes tdy..i think it’s a miracle on my side.

#2- Meng’s call of help. Juz when I was distracted with a lot of thots on helpers at ard 9plus..i was pretty anxious abt it that a miracle call act came.
Dear wan meng, my student juz called at that timing that I almost din wanna pick up coz I don recog the no but I still did thinking in case it’s urgent..Gosh to my pleasant surprise..hahaha..he called to offer to be helper for the ITESC Netball games..he told me he could get his friends to help as well..man..his call is like a huge present dropped from heaven..so kinda manpower side pretty safe now..anyway I only confirm the no of helpers like 7plus in the evening..Miracle again coz on this day that I needed helpers, helpers came,confirmed and I will see them on Mon..I so very Thank God..like another one day miracle.

#3-Umpires are confirmed..gosh, I only got ot talk to Mas like 3plus and when she told me the rate, it was expensive..but I wanna Thank God that at least NS (Netball Singapore) managed to squeeze 4 umpires out on the day when National League is taking place on the same day as well..i worked in NS b4 and I noe how difficult it is to get umpires..so phew..Thank God..my miracle worker..so kinda, on that day ask, on that day confirm umpires and I called Mas at a weird timing of 7plus (ha..i apologise saying I had given her after work “harassment”) haha..so 7plus got approval from Pat to go ahead w engaging the umpires at that rate (total cost 4 umpires = $288..it’s qt a sum) den I proceed to confirm w Mas. Thank God, umpires side..settled.

#4- Official table and Emcee settled..Gosh, I called buddy at 7plus again to confirm allocation of “man” (my ex class boys)power..den thot of sth Zoey and Adda can help at the official table too..hahaha..miracle again..hahaha..so hap that Zoey can tak off on mon so wen I went down to ask them, she was willing to help den dear adda..heee..she will be emcee..hehehe..meaning I can siam the role of an Emcee..hahaha..oversee things mah..ha..i need to give eye power you noe..ha..den music will be contributed by Dawn. And del will help w the playing of music and stuff..
So I wanna Thank God that the manpower issue kinda settled le..phew..lik war fighting but Praise God, victory on the same day is reali graciousness for me..

Act I was pretty drained by the time I was in pammy’s car, she pffer to send me to pasir ris so I can hm frm there..i was basically emotless and expressionless and kept saying in the car “I love my life”..think my students were saying “don look so stressed”..think I do look stress and wen I said I love my life..it’s such an irony..stress look with a “happy”confession..ha..don match..

By the time I reached SK, I was totally drained in a sense..i couldn’t feel anyth..cant feel anyth..mayb I’m too successful at suppressing all my e=mots to the extent that I cant feel anyth..that’s reali scary as alan said but I reali cant feel..think I had acquire this bad manner where I get totally detached from my emot..think my belief is that if I cant feel anyth, den I don feel stress or pain or wateva..i just cant feel..i was praying and stuff, think singing in tongues made me feel slightly beta after a day of war.. so I Ko 11plus sup to last parade but total ko..den wak up this morn and reali Thank God for being so much to me..

Father God, Thank You for being so merciful to me despite my mistakes. Thank you for being so gracious despite I’m so undeserving. Thank you for being so good to me still despite all..thank you for all the miracles for all my needs on Thurs..You are a miracle giving God..i so needed that and I appreciate and Thank you for all that you have done for me and given me.

*God is good despite all circumstances.
*noe y I feel it’s such a miracle day? Imagine how on earth or the possibilities of things falling in place just like that?..Much favour of God and favour of men is needed I think..it’s the smooth flow of things being settled that I reali thank God for..

Thank you Jesus and Holy spirit for making things happened for me once again..

love,
daph

childlike

i just want to love God simply again..

brokenness..i need to be..

remember how God 1st touch me and how i 1st love Him so passionately?

Jesus, i want to fall deeply in love with You again and over and over again..

More of Jesus, less of daphne..

Lord,i'm hungry
for a mighty move of God

Lord,i'm thirsty
Pour out Your Holy Ghost

Lord i want to see
the hand of God
move mightily inside of me
i'm hungry for a move of God..

9th May-Privileged

today i met with joanne, Thank God i had a relatively good time with her..haha..at least i spoke out all my thoughts that i felt twds her..think i am such a person in that once i say out some things that i feel twds you means i'm ok..if i don say out..man, gotta watchout coz it's dangerous..

what tis entry is abt is:

when i was on my way back hme, den i dropped annie (from chec=> city harvest teachers' network ) a msg and told her that i will be able to meet her for a short while to discuss on some textbook formulation for a china proj..

initially when i returned her call, she asked if we can have a meeting tml..bcoz i m mtg brian and christine ma so i kinda told her i will msg her again to confirm..think there was a certain pride in me when i seem to "make the call" to meeting..well..i admit..i do have certain bit of pride..an area that i need to be very mindful of..believe wil be an area that God will break me too..

well..wat i wanna say is on the train back aft i msg annie..den sud got tis thot in my mind.."i think God has granted me the desires of my heart..why? i have always wanted to teach chinese since young..God has given me my desire of being a PE teacher and now i'm involved in this china project..it's like God giving me a combo desire grant where i can be both a PE teacher and "chinese" teacher (i mean to help out in the china proj is almost like me using my knowledge in chinese to help)..man..right then i felt so privilged..

it seems that God is giving me evrything that i want in my life..Pe teacher, "teaching" chinese/being useful in being able to serve God in that manner of reaching out to china..and giving me the kind of man that i always pray for..a runner, a strong man, the 5 Ps, king and general, a man after God's heart like King David, a Godly and God-fearing man..(well of coz he is still very much a "work" in progress)..but very good progress made since 28th April..

i pray..i pray for him..a man of strength and tenacity..a man after God's own heart..
i pray..i pray for myself.. a strong and loyal woman to God..a woman after God's heart..

so i went home and give God praise.."God, Thank You..i feel so privileged to be able to serve You in that manner..how can i be proud? how can i be proud? coz everything that i have, it comes from You.. Without You, i am nothing..Thank You God."

juz as i gave thanks to God, i fear..
i fear that i'll be like Job in the bible in that God is like giving me everything that i want now, what if one day all these things are taken away from me, how?

den anoth thought came to me..well..if that day comes, it would be a real good test for me..if my heart is with my possessions or my God?
coz if my heart is with God, why should i fear..no matter wat..i will still acknowledge that God is good despite all.."Father God, please protect me..let me be like Job, despite all the disasters that happen to him..God, he did not curse you..protect me that i will stand strong in You..protect me.."

let my attitude BE one that is poor in the spirit..blessed are the poor in spirit.

** > of Him & <>

recall on 7th May 07-Brokenness

now as i write, i reali think the way God moves in me is so cute..He always make me realise or feel certain things 1st and when Pst preached, it is like a confirmation of what God is doing in my life.

on sun, during worship i don noe why i seem to rem the things that i have done, like my failures, my wrongs, my everything that is not right den i also rem God's faithfulness, His goodness to me despite all my mess..

den Pst preached on Mt 5:4 blessed are those who mourn.
mourning in this verse means to grief over my sins, mourn over my weaknesses, sins and imperfection..O now as i look at my notes, i wrote this down which is like what is written in the prev sentence--bcoz of daph(my self) -> i sin and hurt people..now that i remember i grieved over my sins and mistakes.

brokenness = broken by the Grace of God..think right then i felt that way..God, i am so imperfect, i have sinned so much, hurt so many people..I am sorry God..I am sorry to the people whom you know i have hurt you..i am sorry..

my self-centredness has caused many hurts and i made many mistakes..

*God, i placed my imperfection into Your Perfect hands..

Let my heart be loyal to you..a heart after Your heart..Jesus..

5th May-Emerge 10 (9km act) Race

today i want to Thank God for the things that He is doing in my life..it's amazing how He moved in my life..ha

today is the race that i have been training for..not very hard i would say but stil did train..i rem i told shuyin (a cool sporty galfren) just b4 we walked to startin point that i reali want to be in top 3..i want to be in top 3..

well..started the race..i'm not the 1st gal act but after a few sec, think i went a little too fast, i became like the 1st runner thruout round 1 and den morale testing time came..

juz right after 4.5km, 2 gals ran ahead of me..gosh..shocked..stunned.unexpected..morale testing..i was certainly shaken in many ways while still running..think it took me prob 1 or 2 km b4 i decided to move on and fight for my third position.

i felt it was a struggled run..reali struggled..when they 1st ran past me, my morale dipped..had no fighting spirit..lousy..was scolding myself like "come on la..fight..don give up so easily..don compromise standards so fast..fight..fight for ur 3rd..at least at the end of race u can said u did fight.."

man..it was reali a struggle..wen i was running i kept telling myself..fight for my 3rd position..fight for my 3rd position..told alan that sometimes i'm gan cheong for competitive race bcoz it will reali show who i am..lik pst said during svc..my attitude is the real me..

Praise God i came in 3rd..no stitch, no cramps..good..i finished the race..i am supposed to be happy but i'm not..i was lik "God, i should be grateful but......"

aft prize presentation and taking qt a bit of pics i went to tamp gym to workout..i was still lik asking God "what's wrong with me? what don i feel happy? like so contradicting where i'm not exactly happy yet was happy in photo taking with my medal..weird?"

until when i left the gym den i realised someth..i was unhappy bcoz i was disappointed with myself..angry i would say..i'm angry that i act had such lousy attitude..i told alan..i'm angry that i like don hav tenacity to fight back..i act had lousy attitude of not fighting and perhaps accept my 3rd position without working hard or fighting for it..lousy attitude..

i think God is dealing with me man..in the area of attitude..den when pst preached on SOTM..me = sum of all my attitudes twds God, people and myself..man..i was like.."God, You are still working in my life.." told alan that i have observed the way God works in me which is He always made me realise some things 1st den when Pst preached, it would be like a confirmation..God, You're awesome!

Attitude..hmmm..think my attitude twds God had dipped loads too..juztold kat that God is so good to me yet i don value Him as much..hmmm..

act juz now during svc..wen Pst said let's not leav the svc until we have an experience or encounter with God..i was like.."yes"..den when i was offguard den the church started singing..man..i juz started to tear like man..tears juz flow like that..a touch from God..a reminder from God that He is my 1st Love..a reminder that God is faithful to me..

daphne..i want to change my attitude twds God..God is faithful to me..He has always been so faithful to me..i want to be loyal in my heart twds Him..a loyal heart..

God, my joy is found when i am walking with You and in Your revelation..let my attitude reflects my love for You..a Loyal Heart..

daph--a Loyal Heart to a Faithful God..Amen!

4th May-My Quiet time~0640-0710

Finally, it seems so long since I spent some quality time with God..i wan to blog this down quickly so I can remember what I feel from this time with my God.

I reali miss God..i miss Him so much..i feel bad to a large extent bcoz God has been so good twds me yet I have yet to spend quality time with Him like days.

God is reali good to me, I am amazed how He turned the situation around on that mon 23rd and tues 24th April when I finally made a decision to tell Alan and his unexpected response I received..

God is good..so good twds me..i’m very happy alan is making so much efforts to read the bible and try to understand my relationship with God..very commentable..very positive.. think I felt ashamed that he read the bible more times and longer time than me. Think as a result of tis, I have been praing everyday that God will touch alan someday. Such a real experience and encounter that he will know that he will know that God is real. So real that he cannot deny His presence..still praying for him..anyway i'm motivated to spend more time with God and His word..yeah..

I reali enjoy spending time with God, to feel His love and kindness twds me..i’m reali a snatched back kid from God yet He is ever so faithful and loving twds me..

I pray that God, let my heart be loyal, let my mind be willing for You always.

Was thinking abt 10km tml..think I felt peaceful..just go run..just go Run With Jesus..God, yes, 45mins sounds challenging and positive but I just want to Run with You..Yes, I m pretty conscious of timing but I’m more interested to finish my race with You..

Run with Jesus..sounds extremely positive!..Thank you Holy Spirit..Let me walk closely with You everyday..let me do what is right in Your eyes..let my heart be loyal and my mind be willing to You always I pray in Jesus’ Name. Amen! (meaning let it be done!)

3rd May—Emerge FOR 10km

This morn my mind was flooded with loads of thots on 10km..think I am reali gan cheong..feel that I din train hard enuf and stuff..like I’m not fast..thinking abt my potential opponent (my fren)..like flooded with so much thots..

When I 1st woke up, I pray a little..felt motivated by Alan to read the bible..why coz he had been reading the bible every now and then when he can..i feel ashamed man..think I have taken God and His word for granted..i need to build my relationship with God, I want to hunger for God’s word the way alan hungers for His word now..well..of coz he din say he hunger but his actions have shown the hunger..i rem he told me last night that he gets drawn to want read the bible..man..that is desire and hunger..keep reading and keep being drawn by the word of God..i want that too..Am I willing to pay the price of time? Am I ? ..I am..I am willing..

Jus now in train, was standing and reading the bible..reading thru psalms..searching 4 that verse..was flippling thru the pages..ha..Yes! so happy..i found it! Psalm 42:7..deep calls unto deep…think as I write now..everyth seems to sound light but I was reali in deep thots..my race..10km..my race..10km..

I reali want to thank God coz I reali think He is so good to me despite my weakness in so many areas..juz now as I was reading the verse repeatedly..deep calls unto deep..den this song juz came in so naturally..a song that sometimes I could sing casually without feeling the meaning of the song.. ( coz sometimes cant feel for God..think that’s the time when I tak God 4granted)..

So here’s the song common yet so meaningful to me once again..reminding me of God’s goodness and love for me..

When my world was in darkness,
You spoke Your words and
Night turned into Day
Your beauty fills this place.

When my world stood in silence,
You filled my heart with songs that never ends
Forever I will praise.

To think that the universal
Could not withhold Your Glory
You chose to live in me
I’m so amazed

And I worship You Lord
My life in You restored
Here is my heart
Make it Your sanctuary
For nobody else but Jesus
Only You..

Sometimes I wonder, how many people reali look at the song lyrics that people post on their blog..think I will now appreciate song lyrics posted in peoples’ blog coz sometimes the lyrics reali expresses what that person is feeling..like how this song above reminded me of God’s gracious saving hand from my many messed up situationSSss..

i’m a snatched-back kid in God man..without Jesus, my friends now will not know me as I am..perhaps we will neva meet in the 1st place..hmmm…butterfly effect..Thank You Jesus for Your unfailing love for daph!

Wait..side tracked too much..so..wat’s the obj of tis posting? (sounds familiar..ha)

Wat I wanna say is “God, I want to run this sat’s 10km for You..You are the reason why I run..You are the one who even enabled me to Run..I am the Head and not the tail.”

Thou I may be afraid but God..i am a runner in You..there may be other better and faster runner than me..but I don care..at this point of time, I just want to run the best that I know how in You, For You..

God, I pray once again..no stitch..no muscles cramps..let it be the best race yet for my life..for You..Focus..God..Focus..My Jesus..

Daphne, remember..I am a runner.. I run my own race..no one can run for me..this is my race..this is my race..run free..run free..run free..freedom is why I like running..i feel free..i feel I am me..this is my race..this is my time..i want to break 59min..Target 45mins sounds every positive..challenging in fact..can i? why not? No harm aiming..at least I dare to aim..haha..i feel so happy now..challenging..but I like..i like to be provoked..i like to be challenged..highly competitive ENTP..i believe so..but daphne..stay cool..remember your reason to run..For Jesus..45mins..i’ll try..i will run hard..

*I am Willing to run the race..i am willing to run the 10km..For Jesus for daph..

2nd May--Jumbled thots--juz wanna b disorganised 4awhile

----Moral integrity..

A term that i learnt from alan..ha..think being with him is reali like a mutual culture exchange btw and for both of us..indeed I’ve learnt many things from him..haha..i always feel very good wheneva he praise me saying that I have improved loads (ha..coz I’ve learnt how to spoof him..haha)..haha..ego food man..but he’s even more ego to steal my ego food by saying he’s of an advance level..man..who define his standards?
Who judge him? Haha..who? no one else but he himself lo..mayb I should stop listening to his words and start seeing his actions..haha..

But present status, he has neva failed to impress me..he always exceeded my expectations in almost all manner..he’s an A grader man..ha..hmmm..sounds positive or sound familiar? Ha..

Wait..main idea abt moral integrity.think these 2 words are getting into me..very good reminder for me to set a standard for my living..moral integrity..i want to do what is right..this is esp crucial in the phy part..told alan b4..i gotta watch out if I wan to go far with him..

“Time” is the evidence of my confidence..i WANT to do what is right..coz only when I noe I can do what is right I am confident of doing what I said..i flopped many times in the past..i flopped so many times that I reali want to do what is right.. that’s why 2 months sounds positive..very positive..

yest, I did sth..did sth that I think I can be so potentially wrong..dangerous..i wouldn’t want to do it again..if I want to help someone become a righteous man..i gotta watcha..gotta control for his sake..for his sake..daphne, control k..for his sake..for us.."US"..sounds very very positive..

----4 "A"s for successful marriage (think applicable 4 all relationships)

Acceptance-to accept your partner for who he is and expect no change at all at anytime..able to do that? acceptance..only when we understand that each person has their own life to live, own decisions to make and that our expectations should not be "enforced" on them..think tis is difficult coz people (moi esp) can be over-controlling, over-caring and even overly-helpful.

It's amazing, sometimes we simply need to recognise that people juz needed to tak longer time or tak the tougher road to grow up and mature..daphne, mature..mature in ur emots yea..

Let me/us not tak the role of Holy Spirit to change people..we ain't God, we cant change people..so don expect people to change much..Only Jesus can change our hearts..Amen!
O, think when we keep thinking abt Acceptance, our patience and understanding to our partner’s weaknesses will be greater..we will learn to love as God loves us..unconditional love..but of course, when you love, you will love your partner too much to see him staying the same..so let’s communicate changes and help in loving ways..

Appreciation-Appreciation is like a magnifying glass.. It made you see the goodness in your partner and enhance it when you tell them.. it magnifies people’s strengths.. people need to know, need to hear and need to feel how much you value what they do for you..learn to give generous sincere praise, and you will simply just keep winning your partner to you..keep falling DIL(deeply in love) with ya..haha..

Affection-Sometimes people just need that physical touch.. “Embrace” is a nice and meaning word and gesture to show love to your love ones..sometimes juz a hug hug supercedes words..hug hug is so amazing..it can be the most comforting “words” in physical form..i love it loads..nice and warm..comforting..but most importantly, I feel protected..protection is vital for gals..extremely vital..why? security ma..which gal doesn’t want to feel loved and protected..sometimes gals are so deprived of it that they can be like so man..coz if no man will protect them, they will protect themselves..natural instinct..natural defence..that’s y when we speak to certain gals, it seems difficult to talk to them..perhaps they reali juz need a little love..a little hug..

This reminds me of wat hap yest(1st May) ..1 sis act talked and shared with me certain stuff..i reali feel very privileged..honoured that she shared with me qt a bit..i couldn’t do much but I gave her a few hugz..hop that gave her some comfort thou..thru this incident, I felt the joy of serving God..

indeed, serving God is simply loving people..daphne jiayou..to love people is a way to serving God..

We love because He first loved us—1 John 4:9

Attention-sometimes over a long period of time people might cease to give as much attention as they used to give..To keep the relationship fresh, we need to constantly give undivided attention to our partner..i always believe if we value a person, we will give undivided attention..i appreciate people when they give me undivided attention..it made me feel very valued..mayb coz I’m a quality time person (primary love language)..so likewise this will lead to my point of communication.

I feel that communication btw couples or even friends is so important..only when we speak out our thots there wouldn’t be so much miscom ard..i reali hate miscom..the most unnec and dumb thing to destroy a relationship..i always believ, let’s reason things out..let’s clear things right then..i don like to delay..delay sometimes make things worst..but let's reason in loving manner for beta changes to take place..

*Communication—key to life..2change 2my defn: Loving communication is the key to life..

----One word—Deep

If there is 1 word i want to remember for present period..i will want to remember the word "Deep"..

i want to go deep..deep with my Jesus..deep calls unto deep Psa 47:2 (I think)

I want to be deep in my reflection..deep in depth..deep in my personality..

I want to be a deep woman..deep..deep..deep..not to the extent that I’m difficult to understand but deep that people’s lives will be changed by my personality..hmmm..m I making sense?

God..i want to go deeper in love with You..how to not love You more when I’m seeing how much You are doing in my life now..Jesus Thank You..despite my unfaithfulness and disloyalty..You are forever faithful and Loyal to me..

keep me close to you God..Keep my heart loyal to You despite my emots are running..

hold me tight and neva let me go God..

May you always be the Number 1 priority in my life despite my feelings for "baby" is getting stronger..

You are my God, my 1st love, Jesus..My 1st love..without You, there wouldn’t be daph today..

--butterfly effect..so wish 2tel someone how this butterfly effect applies to me..Thank God that He did not give me up when I almost wanna gave up..

*I’m a snatched back kid in God man..i’m a snatched back kid..judges 6:9

Wed, 25th April--a better day

Wed..cg day for this week as jaz they all gg krabi..meaning way advance bdae celeb for jaz..

hmmm..thruout so many things that chris said seems to be directed at me..not that he kept looking at me but all his words are like God's word coming straight into my heart..every word that contribute to my decisions twds alan and moi..

anyway side track..woke up prob 6am to do the "voucher" for jaz as we are giving her our love offering frm both cg..hmmm..felt bit low in the morn as i feel that the voucher is like not up to standards..i don feel it's nice..mayb expectations high or mayb i may low to do more creative thing..i felt guilty..why? for the 1st time ever as a bdae ic..i din make a card..conveniently gave an excuse that i have no time..act i hav time but i spent it elsewher and henceforth i cannot make a card for Jaz..Jaz leh..my leader, the one whose words weighs a lot to me..i din make a card for her..wat a joke man..so low..thruout the day weneva i'm free from my course's work, i will do the voucher..felt that it's not nice..

until i met chris and bavis, we had dina..Thank God for them..thru their words of encouragement, they helped me see wat i cant..think my voucher ain't that bad looking..if i'm more perfectionist, it could have looked beta..well..compromise standards man..haiz..compromise again..this word seems haunting..

well..so we bought jaz a big card..haiz..wen we were at the bugis building..i try to get as many people to write on her card..think one of the comforting thing abt the card is that it was filled with coloured writings of wishes from cg..not too bad looking..

man..i almost wan to flip..juz as i wanna keep the card and bring it to the room..O my gosh..i saw jaz..she juz came out of the restroom and asked wat was i doing..man..how timely can it be? i have hidden the card so well from her only to be discovered at the very last minute..BY HER..man..wat a "careful" bdae ic i was..man..add on to my low mood of the day..flipped..

anyway cut short a bit..we celebrated her bdae..hmmm..somehow i don feel good abt the celeb..think it was not well prep on my part..the atmosphere was like slow..everyone, everything seems so passive..gosh..further add to my "lowness"..

BUT BUT BUT..the MIRACLE of the day happened for me..THIS DEN IS THE MAIN POINT of this entry..

Jaz act looked at me and gave me a hug..and said "Thanks"..man..*feel bit like tearing now*..man..no one would understand how much that hug meant to me..thou i looked bit tired and low on the outside..inside my heart it was like "gosh!" i felt ACCEPTED..i FELT ACCEPTED by jaz despite all the sh*t i gave her 2 days back..i felt ACCEPTED..it meant so much to me..it lifted up my spirit and made me feel hopeful again..despite my mistake, she still accepts me..i wan to and i muz rem this Hug..this experience..this acceptance...it was unusual! it was Valuable coz it was simply Different from the way she treats me last time when i made mistakes..She is accepting this time..i felt free and bcoz i felt free, i act rem joanne.

I msg joanne and juz ask abt her..i wouldn't think of her that if not for that hug..coz i thot joanne was juz giving some excuses wen she said she cant attend cg..think to a certain extent felt that she had disappointed me again not juz not coming 4cg but also thru some stuff that hap over past week..ya..perhaps i felt that jaz would be disappointed with me again wen i told her those ths on mon..and so i felt a certain way twds joanne too..but when jaz showed me acceptance, i am able to open myself to joanne too..man..is this reali a link or i juz thot it to be..

daphne tang..beta wake up your idea..from today onwards..do not see joanne as having certain parts of you in her..she is her, i am moi..we have different lives to live..be mature in your response twds her man..don compromise your standards..don be childish..be christlike man..

something i received from cg..
*As Jesus is, i am....

Wed,25th April--0039hrs--Night Ambush

Night Ambush..think a term that only alan and i will understand..this portion i so wish alan will read...perhaps he will, mayb? will i tel him 2 read..mayb not..perhaps he will miss the timing wen he read this post..mayb too late wen decisions are made b4 he reads this..
TIME is the Factor..

Alan..i reali admire him in many sense..He is a fighter man..He fights so much to get thru 2 me..reali cannot comprehend, what did he see in me? what makes him so strong to keep fighting battles upon battles that i, daphne tang, am the one throwing at him..even kat commented that he reali "suffered" a lot for me..yes..reali an A grader in my eyes..i have absolutely no doubt abt this fact..He is a Fighter, an A grader, an all that i wish to have..

let's recall, 1st hell day for him was on wed, 18th april (i'm good with dates)..our 9 hrs talk..man..i still can rem how i crushed him man..even he himself said, he was low right to the core..

this mon..O, juz 2 days back, 23rd april..hell day #2..day ambush..supposedly shld have been a happy day for us turned out to be the otherwise..reali otherwise.. all time stress for both of us..i cried so much in the mornin..eyes were swollen when i realised and felt how much i would have to give up to be with him..i can neva put it adequately in words, the deep sadness i felt wen i thot of how much i will give up..so deep inside of me that i cannot help but to just cry at every thot of it..how "appropriate" for me to cry during the break time of my course..in the toilet, eyes swollen..best, mtg my boss lata during lunch..everyth seems to like to come at one go when i am feeling so vulnerable..man.. i felt that it was a joking monday..

took much courage to meet jaz in the evening..act i reached the bus stop at 1730 but i stoned for almost 30mins b4 i took a step 2 msg jaz and meet her for the dina tt i arranged in the morn(encouraged by kat..thank God for her if not the delay in telling jaz would kill me even more)..walked to meet her..extreme tension, fear and guilt..daph messed up again..did things 1st den tel her..she was nice and reasoning thruout the dina..din scold me, not that scary as i thot and imagined it wld be..she was real reasoning..thru her, i see so much of me..so much of my fears..weakness..weakness..weakness..

lousy..went back hm to consider what should i tel alan..lousy..i am reali lousy..i gave him 3 options..#1..don drink "coke" for 2 mths, #2..can still drink "coke" but no tying of cherry (huge compromise), #3..no "coke" at all..option 3..totally eliminated..option 1 not as appealing as option 2..so we decided on option 2..yeah..sounds positive..everyth seems to settle down..finally..

met kat juz now (tues night)..told her why i even allow option 2 wen i reali want to have option 1..reason..i am scared as well..i am mindful of his fears as well..i am scared and option2 seems like a good compromise for us..

as we chat..kat told me qt a bit but one of her statement set me thinking again.."again"..ya..scary word for alan again.. thinking again would means war for alan again..man..think knowing me for these 2 weeks had been a constant battle for him..i feel sorry for him..alan, i am sorry..bcoz of my indecisiveness and fickled mindedness (as mentioned by some1) , alan had to suffer..

this moment..i am supposed to be sleeping..both if us agreed that we need rest..yes..i am tired..i think he is even more tired than me..i am sorry alan..if i had been more decisive, you probably won't have to suffer so much..so wish he'll read this..but, wat's the objective?..let him noe my thots or simply see my weakness..i am not that decisive as i think i am..why? good qn!

a part of me wish to be with him yet i know in my heart even if i want to be with him, this is not the time..why? perhaps alan had been thinking so much abt it..he cannot comprehend bcoz he did not went thru wat i did..not juz my past experiences in relationships but the times when i feel that God is doing so much work in me to prepare me for what is to come..i struggled..i wan to serve God..do i reali want it? (jaz asked) coz if i reali want to serve God even more, i wouldn't hav stepped into this situation where i bring alan on a roller coaster ride..extreme hign and extreme down..i am so sorry..but will saying sorry helps?

ultimate qn is what do i want? good qn! to say i don noe it would be lying man..

i wan to serve God..i want to get back into race again..i cannot afford to miss my race at this timing..this timing that bro chris said is crucial..the three months thingy..this is like the 3rd moth..i don wan to drop out..yet i am mindful of alan..iam conscious of what he has done for me..i am mindful of his fears..i am scared too..will i fade and fail him? i am scared..that's why i open up option 2 for both of us..a compromise..yes a compromise..a compromise that someone said that i am a woman of no standards..i don set standards for myself and therefore i flop again and again in this area of relationship..immature..even my sis is way superior in terms of maturity in this area..

i wish to set standards too ..but i cannot do it alone..i need him to agree..i went praying juz now..1st time i prayed after so much had happened..i pray that God will lead and guide us..i pray that whateva conclusion we made it would be one of mutual understanding and agreement..

i wish to set standards..standards at the expense of him..at the expense of him facing his worst fears..am i able to give him any guarantee.. i would want to..but i am scared to a certain extent as well..i don trust myself..i failed many times..broke many promises, crushed many hearts..would he dare to believe in me? would i dare to believe in myself? as much as i would like to say don noe..juz now kat mentioned sth that i feel i had no excuse to say don noe..she said that i cannot keep using my past as an excuse..God has healed my past..so now, i am the one who knows what i want and do what is right..

juz now alan said he had a feeling that i am going to give him up..true to a certain extent..but i did not tel him that i will want to hold on to him too till the time is right..is he able to give me the time that he is so afraid to give? i am not sure..should he decide to let go..i noe i would miss a good man but i am not to hold him back in any way..i cannot afford to destroy him..

so conclusion?..daphne..

i want to get back into race..i will also give myself a chance to hold on my feelings for him should he allow time of waiting..right time..

right time..think this concept sounds dangerous to him..i wish to explain but some things simply cannot be explained..we will know when the time is right..

the time when a man after God's heart is here..a godly and God-fearing man..a protector, a provider, a physician, a prophet and a priest is here..a king and a general..

sounds tremendous task ahead..well..as i said b4, i may not understand why things happen the way they do now..so emotionally and mentally tormenting and draining, to him esp..

i will want to say God is good despite all..i am sorry God..my immaturity had caused such a big hooha..i need grace and saving hand again..Jesus..help!

Sunday, 22nd April--10km

O my goodness..it was a tough run man.. met up with alan and we walked big round again to ECP..haha..nice walk..warm up in a sense..

b4 we run, we compete in doing bridge..gosh..so irritating..i did not hold on longer if not i may not have lose to him..think i gave up coz psychologically was affected wen he said he did prac the night and did a 5 min..goodness..that certainly did shaken me a little thou i act tough..haiz..so regret..ego bruised..lesson learnt..neva be affect by ur opponent..believe in yourself..be fearless..

cool..we started the run..ha..i'm pretty happy coz i don feel as stress as last sun..i felt happy coz i was running my own pace, my own race..i like..i enjoy running for myself..i enjoy being focus and not mindful of other's expectations..i felt free..i like to be free..

as the distance gets longer..the mind gets even more challenged..let me recall my thots..when i was running..

i was telling myself i am running my own race.. i cant depend on anyone (thou nice to have alan to pace me in a sense)..i am running my own race, no one can run the race for me..

as i was running..haha..sun's song came into my mind so kinda music in mind running..ha..

thruout the run, i realised alan din wait for me as wat he did last sun..i think that was very good coz it will motivate me to keep chasing after him..i don wanna be too far behind him..so kinda he made me aware of my speed and pace..

when we made the turn at 5km..heee..think alan was pretty pleased coz he said i was doing at sub 50 pace..phew..kinda took a breath..slow down a little..man..think i got a little complacent..hmmm..not very good attitude..so kept running..started to struggled a little by then..there were times wen i feel lik stopping but cannot..kept running..man..feel high tide, would galdly like to use that as excuse to stop..but cannot..den i kept telling myself.. "i will not stop until the finishing line" i kept repeating that so many many times to keep myself going, keep running daph..sud rem sth i saw frm alan's blog..sth like "there is no finishing line, keep running"..yes..keep running daph..

man..reali struggling..kill me..ahhh..gotta psycho myself that i have mayb 3km more to go (feel that i ran a lot but think i got more dist 2cover man).. tough run..haven been running so hard..as i was running, felt bit low moarel coz when alan said i still can clock sud 60..my heart dropped a little..sud rem how i felt wen i saw my students ran and they stopped to walk and that increased their 2.4 timing which is a no good..man..thinking of that made me hasten a bit..abt last 600m..man.i reali wanna die..how come the bike shop still so far..good gracious i din have false hop that the nearer shops are the bike shop..if not i'll get even more low morale..man.. i reali want to die..my mental state is constantly challenged..ok..gonna ketchap with alan if i wan to go sub 60..i cant do sub 50, the least is to hit sub 60..if anyth more than 60..think my mind might get locked in that timing..so for my good..run faster daph..

Yes! finished le..ahhh..i need toilet..haha..super urgent that it wanted to come out le..goose bump all over i need toilet..haha.. man..the weather is hot man..moi face red again..hot man..hottttttttttttttt.....

man..wen alan told me it's 59min..i was like..haiz..ok..not that good..not too bad but could have been beta..but alan was reali nice and encouraging..he said that i probably ran a bit faster like 58mins plus (in my heart i was like, not much diff act, but thanks for the comfort thou..appreciate his encouragement)

think remembering it as 59min will make me wan run faster..coz like a black mark to me..hmmm..
ha.sud rem alan mentioned that he was smiling during the run coz he was quite pleased with my pace in the 1st leg (5km) i supposed..let me recall..he said that for the 1st 5 km, i was running ard ~5.15 per km..pretty not bad..2nd leg, slightly slower but think not too bad as well..ha..think it's reali nice to have his feedback and telling him my struggles while running and hearing his assurance makes the run not as low morale..but yeah..i will train for it man..

still rem wat my fren said in her blog..we don try to achieve sth coz it will not come..we TRAIN to achieve something..I will Train to achieve my goals..Jiayou dapH..5th May..Emerge 10km..God bless me..God, i miss You so much now..seem slong since i last spend time with ya..

Happening schedule 11th April - 22nd April

it seem reali long ago since i last blog..perhaps was too busy for almost a week..

wed 11th April--zouk..home at 4.30am..zzz at 4.40am..drama zouk night
--don noe why tt night out doesn't seem as fun as the 1st ladies night out..perhaps i was tired..1st day red star award..mayb energy level low man..had a run in the afternoon..so happy..haha..coz i finished my work faster so i went to NUS ran 11 rounds..by the time i stopped, it was like 12:47..weather was so hot man..

went hm, blogged..went bugis..dina alone den met up with pam..cab down to zouk..seriuosly do wan to drink but somehow still tio..1 glass of lychee martinni..wanted to siam e 2nd glass..but got caught by my fren, kristy..haha.. so i turned my back at them and quickly ask jon and his frens to help me drink..almost could have skipped the whole glass till jon's fren, alan..helped to get the attention back to me..he was saying out loudly to my frens that i wanted to skip the drink..gosh..special thanks to him man..i had half cup to finish..Bish..

i think the night was funny in a sense that jon and his 2 fren, alan and xu mao..we alwys pass by one another..ha..when we 1st wanted to go mambo, they stayed at phuture..when we came back, met them at the entrance, they were gg zouk..den we wan go back zouk, met them somewhere and they're gg back to phuture..basically, my frens and i kept passing by jon and his frens..haha..i find it so funny..haha

thurs 12th April--CHC Edunet (prep4 spelling Bee)..zzz at 1.30
--i feel so excited to be involved in wat church is doing in china..gosh..i pray that i will be able to go china in dec..God!!!..wen xiao yee was saying wat we intend to do in china..i feel so alive man..finally i am serving in some manner..i felt i had a part to play in the opening up of china..immediately wen i was onmy ay home, i alrdy brainstormed so many many many words for the catagories that xiao yee, olive and i came out with..so excited and nervous in a sense.. i reali want to do a good job in the prep of the spelling bee list for the kids in china..

Fri 13th April--Pst Benny Hinn svc..home at 1.30..zzz at 2plus
--1st night..what i rem most from this svc is "God indeed placed a great value in me"

Sat 14th April--Pst Benny Hinn svc..home at 1plus
--2nd night..wat i rem most.."God isso great and yet He bothers abt me"
He cares for me to move in my life and changing me each day..amazing

Sun 15th April--home early..mayb ard 12mn
--3rd day..something in the spiritual amosphere broke..i felt free from something that i have struggled since thurs..haiz..emot matters again..God!!!!

Mon 16th April--met with jon..hm pretty early..11.30
Tues 17th April--met with kat..hm..earliest..11plus
Wed 18th April--meeting buddy..hm?
Thurs 19th April--yeah..presently free..
Fri 20th April--cg, will celeb weng's bdae den go ton kat's hse
Sat 21st April--svc..presently gg out with alan aft svc
Sun--

my regrets--my grandpa

was looking at my past entry "daph's past"..was quick glancing in a sense..but the emots are still there..den saw my grandma and moi's pic b4 i write this then brought to my remembrance of my grandpa..

gave my grandma a call juz now, now she's in her own hse at AMK..she wanted to move back and stay alone since a while ago..so miss her after the call..think my grandma sometimes very cute..very alone too..sometimes it's so easy to think that she is living a good life..is she? mayb..coz on the surface she seems to have the concern of family, living with my aunt and stuff..not alone physically (how abt emot?)..is it reali bliss? mayb..

sometimes i feel that my grandma is lonely thou she is surrounded with people..so?..how many times do we listened to her..sometimes when i do look for her and listen to her talked..many times i can feel she miss grandpa..she reali misses him..i still rem how she cried den at his wake..she was composed yet sad, her tears shows it all..man..*as i write now..emot again..tearing..mayb coz red star award*..thou grandma din say much..from certain times wen she mentioned grandpa..i feel that she longs for him..sometimes she will mention a bit more..

i rem she told me how they met act..thru arranged marriage..think grandpapa was an honest, down to earth man..

i still rem grandpa was such a patient grandpa..according to my papa, he said grandpa neva beat any of his grandchildren..haha..except my powerful sista..delphine tang..hahaha..why?..she was such a powerful "biter" when she was young..mayb 2 yrs old..haha..think it's her teething period so she wil act bit people..ha..moi is a frequent victim to her attacks..haha..sometimes mummy beat her..i will run to toilet and hide 1st while she came banging at my toilet door..haha..why i ciao..coz rem there was once, she was crying bitterly den i comforted her, her head was on my thighs and den God bless me...she juz one bite on my thigh..ahhhhh!!!! it was painfull..don rem if i did cry but i do rem next time she cries, i'll run 1st..haha..

anyway, coming back..due to her active teething stage..that was once she ran to my grandpapa and hugged his leg..and den..haha.."kekz" she bit my grandpapa's thigh..haha..powerful man..that brought a slap to her..haha..1st time my grandpa slapped his grandchildren..man..all thanks to moi's sis--the only exception in Tang's family history..haha..

My grandpa..i rem..perhaps i had harden my heart qt a bit so i will not feel the pain..act on the day he passed away..i went for my JC's netball training..i rem very clearly still..for the past few days, we were in out the hospital qt often to see my grandpa..his condition seems unstable..

i still rem..it was wed..i kinda had feeling that something might hap..but i was immature den..i still went for my netball training..i think i choose to go coz i don noe how to respond to all the hospital visitations..to a certain extent, when i went for netball trg, i block myself to think that i was not very close to my grandpa..was i ?

but the thing was..he passed away that wed..the whole family was sad..grandpa..head of the family..no longer with us..(gosh, why am i tearing so much now...)

i was not there but i heard the report from my aunt that b4 he passes away, he said the sinner's prayer (i don noe if he said or nodded to the prayer)..den b4 he closed his eyes foreva..he actually did a signal, he points his finger to Heaven and gave a "good" thumbs up..he was saying that God is good..yes..God is indeed good..at least i know my grandpapa is in heaven now..now as i write..i rem him..mayb a bit miss him too..quiet man..honest..hardworking grandpa..

grandpa..why did i not go hospital that day? why did i go 4 trg when i felt that someth was not right? gosh..wat was i thinking den..( man..so much tears now)..what was i thinking man..is tis my regret? yes..much as i want to stop myself frm feeling the pain by saying "no"..the ans is yes..i regret..i have many many many regrets in my life..this is one of it..

think many times i say to people (esp wen i'm very upset with the person) "i neva have regrets in my decisions"..but to admit honestly..i do have..many..perhaps bcoz many regrets made me want to appear strong and said "No, i neva regret what i do"..the fact is i do..in fact..too many regrets..perhaps one day i will blog it down too..

anyway, tears have stopped..hmmm..perhaps, got logical again..or is my red star award making me emotionally unstable..hmmm..don noe..but i do noe..feels good to release out thru "water"..

Grandpa..i am sorry.. i was not there..i could have been..but i was not..(man..this hurts..why do "water flow so easily?)..think i am not that emot person..mayb..perhaps.. i'm emot now..muz b bcoz of red star..i'm not that emot i think..i always thot and made myself believ that this matter has no effects on me..apparently seems lik i am..

Sorry grandpa..*tears*

3.33pm--Early release--ran at NUS

hahaha..i am so happy..hahaha..so pleasantly surprise that today i can be home early..haha..coz my instructor said i finished my part of work for the day so can ciao early..haha.. i left dover ITE at abt 12pm..hahaha..happy coz don need rush to anywhere, secondly can bring laptop hm so phine can use and don need 2meet me at night and helped me carried my bag hm so i can go clubbing at ease..haha..

man..today i took so much ths w me, 1 shoe bag inside with a handbag 4 tonight..was thinkin gosh if let my sis carry hm..i think she will drop man coz my red bag is heavy and bulky with laptp stuff plus a shoe bag and her own bag..man..my sis gonna b a superwoman..haha..Thank God i can come hm early..Yes! haha

Next very happy thing is..heehee..i ran..Yes..i went running today..haha..i went to explore NUS ground in a sense..haha..went there ran 11 rounds, lane 8..was doing mental calculation tt if lane 8 is 440m according to wat my fren told me..den it would mean i ran abt 4.8km..ok la..not too bad..don stress myself..did run is alrdy good enuf for now..haha..man..it was getting hotter with each round..think i started running abt 12.15pm..haha..xiao ah..haha..act weather was qt fine, lik wan rain but not and till it got hotter by each min man..haha..

I m happy coz i feel that i did wat i planned..i did wat i wrote in my prev entry..i did run..God, i m making effort..and i wan to Thank God that i decided to ran right den..act was comtemplating whether wan go back Sengkang den run..den haiz..go NUS ran ba..haha..Thank God i made a choice to run at NUS coz i'm afraid as i delay, i'll get lazy..haha..

Thank God i ran coz when i was walking 1 round to cool down i saw a fren tt i lost her contact..haha..we only met once or twice thru triathlon event..haha..amazing..coz i think she doesn't recognise so act wen she pass by me, i say out her name (pretty soft, enuf to be heard thou)..haha..it took her a while to rem me..haha..cute right..den she made a statement which made me felt a bit happy..haha..she mentoned her frens and her were commenting tt "wow, such a fit gal, running in the afternoon"..hahaha..thou i say "nothing la..illusion" but in my heart i was qt pleased..hahaha..ego man..hahaha..

act Thank God i managed to even run the 11th round coz i wanted to stop at 10th but timing still bit short so juz endure anoth round..it was reali hot..will train to run more the next time..ha..act wanna to put "Try" run more until i rem in my fren's blog her sermon notes says..Only Training can tak us to where we want to go,while trying doesn't..haha..so i will Train to Run More, Faster for God..Jiayou daph..Thank You Holy Spirit..i kept the focus to run..Yes!