One of the days~

haiz..tdy oe of the days that i felt so xian abt..i reali wan to do a good job for stand chart collation but the uncertainties reali drained me..

thank God for hui yee who was there to listened to me blappp qt a bit..gosh..haiz..credibity kind down..someth i hate the most..students were sup to be sponsor fully initially but now they hav to pay..$5/-

wat's unsure was they may and may not need pay for medical check upn insurance..if more payment from them, nos may drop but tt's not the point..it's sch's credibility in event org will drop..my reputation as teacher may drop too..xian!..how to ask my dragon boat pp for participation in future? gosh..wish i can be in meeting to check ths out..

think i realise sth more prominent abt myself..when i work, i will wan to do ths well and i need do it fast b4 my momentum slows..think this is my potential weakness as well coz consistency is sth tt i hav difficulty with i think..potential discouragement and morale low comes pretty easy too..tt's y i lik wan to vent my frus but cant..thou did blap a bit to buddy but kinda not enuf..i need hrs of blapping..haiz..quality time person mah..

Thank God for Fhirhad..felt bit encouraged by him while he was tombang-ing me to my bus stop..out of nowhere he popped a statement saying i was doing well..man..i was lik????..wat did i do man..he said i'm taking up qt bit of responsibilities and my energy lvl still there..act in my heart i was lik, my energy lvl had gone lower than b4, felt xian..but come to think abt it, perhaps it's God's way of timely encouragement to me..kinda felt so long since i felt encouraged..hmmmm..

anyway, did encourage myself a bit while i was running..man..adhoc decision to run..act wanna go hm den run but was thinking i need compiled the namelist fr Mani so decided go run 1st den back to office for work..

act shoes for running need to change lo..think my ascis need to retire lo..hmmmm..if not for the insole think the cushioning support could hav been worst..

anyhow run..don noe distance as usual..ran 1:01:15..not very spectacular but at least i tried to break through 1 hr..i did..well done daphne..

think my new prayer request is "God help me to love and accept myself by Your Grace, help me to love You by your Grace."

Grace= God's gift of supernatural ability to do sth that i cant do on my own strength..

yupz..loving myself, loving God is sth i wish i can use my own ability to, but i recognise i cant..I need His Grace to help me to love..

man..my thots are flying all over now..

any way, ran on last wed,25th July 07

20 rounds-435m X 20 =8.7km..

thurs rest..farewell lunch..man..carbo and fats load,went samy's curry..

ran on 27th Jul with pammy at ECP..

slow pace but realise she picked up speed at our return..haha..we both thot we were running faster and hence we followed "each other's pace"..haha..i thot she was running faster while she thot that of me too..ha..pengz..anyway last 200m i think we jack up our speed, i was faster coz think her calves din allow her to overtak me..

time taken for that route..56'56..mayb can buy 4D..ha..pretty good run..funny i would say..speeding coz we thot we were following each oth's pace..

sat rest-NDP

sun, ministry time..got prayed for..1st response to altar call..gosh tt sis who prayed for me was powerful..everyth tt she prayed was a hit on..she kept praying that my mind belongs to God, my mind belongs to God..my past has no effects on me..

so true the ths she prayed..indeed anointed by the Spirit of God..coz that week had 1 night that i struggled so much with my thots..my esteem..act had drama with alan too..if God did not help i would have sank so low emotionally and mentally..n put our relationship at stake..reali risky unnec stake..

2nd altar call..i cried so hard..cried so hard..no major drama lik manifest but cried very hard..

think need to keep myself clean now aft God had cleansed me..kinda became more conscious to pray now..esp tdy felt so low w stand chart matters..

God, enlarge my capacity..help me to hav good and right attitudes..think this is the growing period for me..act felt uncomfortable in many ways..who likes stretching period..God, stretch my capacity..enlarge my capacity..help!!! God, i need Your grace like neva b4..

daph Jiayou..as i expand, my prayer life needs to get stronger..as i enlarge, all the more i need God..i need to learnt to acknowledge God and depend on His Grace..

God You are good, keep me in thespirit of prayer i pray..

Happy running!!!

hahaha..i feel so happy now..hahaha..finally get to run tdy..2 rds warm up, 16rds non stop..ha..so abt 6.4km lo..

act target to run 25 rounds, but kinda wanna go hm early..miss hm..miss hm cooked food..haha..so stop at 16..wasn't disapoointed but was gald that at least i get to run tdy..haha..

initially after submitted ALL my assignments..finally..haha..wanted to go hm coz track was relatively wet from the earlier rain..was bit sad coz like cant run again or if i go hm eat aleady, may be lazy to run or scare will have stitch if i ran in the night..

den fhirhad juz pop the qn, wanna go run..i was like "really ah?" haha..den i replied.."ok lo ok lo, let's go"..haha

so went down to run..man..1st 2 rounds, the air was so very cold..my gosh..den shoelace came off..xian..stop to tie it den waited for fhirhad den we start running together..man..1st few rounds was pretty uncomfy coz my right shin felt tight..den stitch came too..but i continued on, partly coz fhirhad was beside, i wouldn't wan to stop..so now timing for my per round to do some analysis..ha..

Round 1-2'51"57
2-2'52"12
3-2'49"46
4-2'52"66
5-2'50"11
6-2'46"17
7-2'49"83
8-2'48"59
9-2'48"91
10-2'47"03
11-2'47"81
12-2'46"46
13-2'49"31
14-2'53"73
15-2'57"76
16-2'53"79

analysis..think my timing pretty consistent..haha..thou it's reali not a very good timing but think if i tak it easy for myself..these timings are ok..ok for the start consider the fact that i ran 10km lik 2 weeks back..so long ago..

haha..think my body gets into an auto mode probably like after 4 or 5km..think my 8th lap onwards like not too bad..haha..den last few dip a bit..ha..

act tdy running w fhirhad is reali a very easy and comfortable pace..even after the run, i don perspire as much as if i din run at all..haha..coz fhirhad's knee got some prob so coyldn't run reali fast..think running with him is a good start for me to train..in a sense, i don get so harsh on myself 4 the 1st training..

act now i am so very happy after the run..haha..think coz i finally get to do wat i plan..TO RUn!!!!.. running act makes me feel very happy..it is something i feel relatively confeident in..and yet it is the very thing that i can get disappointed ith myself coz some of the expectations i place on myself..think i can be qt harsh on myself..like i accept no failure from myself yet i am imperfect but i don qt accept this..ha..irony right..

ha..anyway i hop by God's grace, i will be able to love and accept myself more..especially abt accepting my weaknesses coz this is an area that i struggle a lot..ha..

anyway, tdy i learnt a lot of ths frm mani..that each lane is 5m different, meaning lane 2 is 405m, lane 3 is 410m and so forth..haha..think as i was listening to mani sharing on how he used to train for his steeple chase and stuff..reali inspire me..but wat inspire me the most is that our colleague, Rama, one that used to lose to mani during their secondary sch days, Rama act set a marathon record b4..
my gosh..i you yan bu shi Or yee Or..haha..rama became a marathon runner after his army times den he trains and he sets a record..my gosh..i'm very inspire..reali inspire..presently wat i heard is thet he runs everyday 10km at least..my gosh..i heard frm mani that rama will go sch early den run for an hr den wash up to prep for 8am class..man..i wanna be like that too..

let tdy be the 1st day that i start running everyday..

5 weeks to AHM..i hop i will have enuf training to run 21km comfortably..haha..

think my mentality for now is train hard for now so i can run comfortably during the actual race..

ha..wah..means, i muz reali run a lot a lot a lot now..EVERYDAY..haha..jiayou daph..

think knowing that i want to run more makes me even more conscious of stretching..precisely i wan to last long for my trainings days and races, all the more i will make effort to tak care of my body..i wnat to stretch sufficiently so my body can take me go further, go longer and most importantly go faster..

God bless me..give me the grace to run together with You God..I am the Head and not the tail..

I want to train for swisshotel Vertical marathon too..hop can join with alan too..lovers' challenge..haha..well..we wont go competitive, just for an experience lo..haha..interesting..

Boston marathon..your dream is my dream..let's train for it..

God sees me as the Head and not the tail.

Wow..haha..been a long tim since i blog..hmmm..wonder how many still read..haha..but doesn't matter..

been reading Joyce Meyer's book on approval addiction..one of the chpt i on loving myself..gosh..good topic..

love myself..accept myself..being at peace with myself..building a relationship with myself..this are reali efforts i gotta make..

think it's so irony..to say i love myself it's not that true coz there are many things i reali don like abt myself..esp my weaknesses..my past..man..

to say i hate myself, not that true either coz i do like myself a lot when i buy ths..a lot of shopping for myself..ha..

past 2 days, read the book and also went thru some experiences..reali make me think..i reali hate weaknesses..i hate being or feeling weak,being seen weak is the worst..i agree w wat Joyce Meyer said..look tough on the outside yet many times very afraid on the inside..

that's me..sometimes i wonder how on earth can i be so proud yet insecure at the same time? ha..

tdy finally went to pray a little longer..told God some stuff..den on my way to sch felt God impress this into my heart when i was thinking how successful i'm gg to be this time round of loving and accepting myself..

den this thot came..God sees me as the HEAD and not the tail..

i think God is very confident that i will succeed in Him, in loving and accepting myself..

i reali have many weaknesses..to accept them is reali a huge effort on my part coz i so hate to be weak..

irony..i want to be broken yet the process of being broken can be reali painful which makes me unwilling to a certain extent..hmmm..

God break me i pray..You see me as the HEAD and not the tail..help me to remember well Holy Spirit!

Amen!!!

*daphne i love and accept you for who you are..i see you as God sees you..
God sees me as the HEAD and not that tail..Live victoriously..