I am a 21km finisher..26th Aug

Praise and Thank God that i have finished the 21km tdy..man..think this is by far the hardest race i ran in a sense..i ran despite my knees do not allow me to go ant faster..

think based on my own timing, my time was 2:15 which was prob 7 mins faster from my 2:22 in yr 2006 ahm (army half marathon)..perhaps 1km faster than last yr wen i din train at all..think i'm pretty pleased with myself thou i reali feel that it was a little wasted in a sense..

let me recount my thinking process since the start of the race..

think it's good that dear and i reached there earlier..i was at esplanade abt 4am..slept like only 3 hrs..wen i woke up, man, my calves were aching from the 14+5km run on fri..haha..

not complaining but think the 14km did boost my confidence to finish 21km..

oki..tdy started well coz was qt front at the starting line..very good very good..thank God for "uncle" aka dear's advice..haha..

5.30am..the sound went off..21km started..everyone was running, can hear the "beep beep" sound from the time recording mats..

was running..hmmmm.. think on the expressway, felt bit distracted coz seems like everyone from the back were running ahead of me..i felt lousy like being overtaken..but i told myslef..those peopel were those people..perhaps they have trained well for the race..wateva it is, i am doing ok coz i maintain a constant pace, good enuf for myslef..gotta tel myself that i am doing fine..in my heart was also thinking "see who last longer" coz so many pp pia like the dist is so short..haha..

anyway felt that the route this yr like very good..at least at the expressway the weren't any bottleneck..ha..perhaps, past 2 yrs i was in the wave way way behind so experienced "human jam" during race..

anyway, was keeping a constant pace till i reached East coast park..saw from opposite so many people running back to the finishing line..was checking timing, wondered if i would see dear..think the desire to want to see dear serves as a good distraction..haha..coz i could feel myself running faster and faster while trying to see him..think mayb at 8 or 9km was thinking perhaps i missed dear le coz cant see him..den told myself, "if can see him den goos lo if not den it's ok"..think that thot kinda ease me from possible disappointment and den to my greatest delight.i saw dear running..hahaha..he saw me too..think he was looking out for me too..can see..haha..so nice..i clapped a few times as signs of encouragement for him..haha..heard him respond to me too..haha..happy..

man..after this motivation, kinda move to motivate myself to reach turning point soon..man..spped dropped a little coz no one to look forward to in a sense..ha..well..prob a few more clicks to turning pt..

finally turned le..told myslef, this is "NOW" running for me..at 12km plus, kinda psycho myself that 8km more..very fast..finish it..so i was thinking in my mind and heart, looking at my timing and finally decided "i can finish it in 2hrs".. this was the constant thot for me for abt 2 to 3 km..den looking at my timing, knowing that i couldn't hit my 2 hr target, gotta quickly adjust my expectations and and set a new target say, 2:05..i kept running..

in my mind my thots were "push my treshold, push my treshold" this thot allowed me to last till prob 19km..

think wen i reached 19km, it was already 2hrs..man..i stopped to walk for 10 steps den decided, juz 2 more km..finished it..i have come so far..finish strong..man..

much as i would like to run fast, i couldn't coz my knees got reali stiff..my speed dropped instead of increasing..felt so sad coz so many pp were catching up from behind and overtook me coz left 2kn more..

act was thinking mayb can finished 2km in 10 mins, kinda force myself to go faster..man..that worked for 1 km..left 1 km..reali struggled..couldn't go faster, speed was slow..

saw dear, so nice that he came back to look for me and pace me..bcoz of him, i reali pushed myself more to finish it..500m more was killing but i go all the way..so happy wen i saw the time..2:16..but i stopped my own time at abt 2:15 so gotta see the official timing wen it got released..

think i am pleased that by God' grace i have finished a beta timing than last yr..but felt wasted coz if i could run faster, how nice to have completed 21km in 2 hrs..

i have fought the good fight
i have finished the race
i have kept the faith

God, thank you for enabling me to finish the race coz my body comes from You..

Patience

felt happy that we ran at ECP at 00:00hrs..haha..it's the timing when we ran that i am so amazed and the dist that we clocked that i felt happy abt..

tml is ahm..hop to do a good timing..

think lesson of the week would be patience..coz mon was down with flu..man..i rarely fall sick but past 2 weeks kinda weak..

this week is a weak week for me in a sense..mon flu, tues slightly beta, thot wed can run den 05:50hrs, red star award come..wed after morn lesson, felt unwell..went hm to zzz..man the earliest time i ever leav sch..12.30pm..gosh..think my attitude twds sch has slacken much..

everything anyhow..anything lo..haiz..gotta pick up again daphne..cant stay slack for long..

had been thinking a bit abt staying in sch to teach..or do i wanna ciao? hmmmm..yest told vincent abt it..he said sth that realiset me thinking..m i monkey see monkey do? izit coz my frens are ciao-ing that i wan to ciao too? hmmm..wat's the good reasons for me to leave? can i tahan till my 2 yr contract ends? do i wan a new jod..haiz..

hadn't reali pray thou i noe i need to..mayb wan to tak things my way. do it my way that i don wanna depend God..hmmm..God..who are you to me? how important are you to me?

help me to walk close with You once more..let me not deviate too far from you..i need You..need your wisdom..

is this the right or good time to ciao..do i wan ciao coz syst reali yucky or coz i'm finding excuses..m i too lazy to work or sch reali ain't worth my efforts..haiz..

attitude attitude attitude..only i can change my attitude..

i love my life..i need life..i need to feel useful..i need to feel i am useful..passion..wat's my passion?

life..wat's life? everyth anyth can be so vulnerable..muz i run this race..

God, make me to be a woman of breakthroughs..i need breakthroughs..i'm dying on the inside in certain parts..i need life man..

i need to pray and read God's word again isn't it..i need to get simple with God again..

God i miss You..help me to spend simple time with You..help me to be softhearted again..let me not have things my way i pray coz i will destroy myself i think..

Focus..daphne..keep running..keep walking with Jesus.."Saba" = Patience..patience with yourself..keep making changes..good changes that will make your life beta..
God, turn my heart towars You..

a woman after Your heart i pray...

God is good despite all~16th Aug

i think God is very quick to work when i prayed..think a portion of my heart died just now..

i rem yest i prayed and told God to capture my heart totally..

man, this morn i gotta make a decision that i felt so pained that i teared a little..

clashes of desires..heart die..feel like tearing but cannot..God have your way in me..

it's a good news that spelling bee in china is confirmed to be from 17-19th dec..howeva on the 17th dec is anoth important event to me..alan's birthday..

going for the china trip would mean that i could not celeb his birthday..ha..wat a timely schedule..

think God, my heart is bit more broken now..i have made a choice that i noe what it felt like to sacrifice..gosh..daphne, try not to tear pls, don get emot..i wish not to but i cant..gotta hold my tears, i'm in office..

i will go for the china trip..i will go..i will fulfil the word taht kat and i said wen we came back from HK last july in 2006.. we said that we want to go for at least 1 mission trip in the year 2007..

cheer up daphne, your word in your bond and you are going to fulfil your word to yourself..you are going for the mission trip in dec 2007..china~my heart's desire..

God captured my heart totally i pray once again..thou the opportunities come with a sacrifice, let me fulfil my purpose in You..

New mtd of running for me-03 Aug

yest i tried running on the ball of my foot thruout..ha..not bad, did it non stop for 50 mins..quite prond of myself that i endured thru coz reali not used to it...it was prob the 2nd time i tried this new mtd that lizzie told me abt..

that's how her tri squad trains their running..

i felt good running on the ball of my foot thou it was reali taxing..even now, my calves are aching lik mad..ha..but feeling is darn good..haha..quite proud of myself..well done daph..

anyway i felt happy abt yest running also coz discovered a new route..pretty quiet but straight route so kinda easy to run..it's lik the perimeter of Laguna National..

anyway new mtd of running felt pretty good coz my knees din felt any impact until abt nearing the 50min unlik my usual half an hr i would hav felt someth..

think reali need to lossen my ITB if i wan to run longer and beta..haha..so excited abt gg running with dear tml..hop my legs recova fast to go run with him..been so long since we last run..so miss running together..haha

anyway had conversation w liz just now..i reali need learn sth..

LOve daphne more..learn to do something i love to do, just for myself..

love you daph..jiayou..

1st Aug,Zouk night~emot night

It was an emot night wen we finally "marked attendance" with "Ms Kristy" at 1 am..

b4 we walked out, she was saying that she would miss us..

man, right den could felt tears in my eyes, was quickly blinking my eyes hoping that the water in my eyes will dry up quick while i was walking ahead of pam and kristy..trying not to get emot..so paisei..wait tear again..

but Kristy was so real to express herself..juz b4 we go off, she said that she will neva find such good colleagues like us in OFS..she said we are good colleagues and she was tearing, gosh..i couldn't hold myself further but to tear as well..man..such an emot night..i reali miss her..felt so much right den..think apart from kat leaving for Indo, i hadn't tear for anoth friend..gosh as i'm writing this, thinking abt her juz made me wanna cry now..but i cant..in office..but water are flooding my eyes now..my gosh..so wish i ain't so emot..but it's just my way of expression..perhaps as i matured, i have learnt not to supress my emot so much than wen i was younger..hmmmm..ok..cool..chill..steady now..no crying..

Kristy is one that she is just so her when in the office anytime she felt any yuan qi she will just tel us..in her dramatic exagerrated manner..gonna miss that so much man..her way of speech and acting skill..

think coz of her, i learnt to share more with her..weneva i kena arrow i will 1st look for her to pour out my "yuan qi" from the arrow..

now that she is in OFS, i wont be able to share my yuan qi that conveniently..

tdy conduct NAPFA test, was pretty quiet in the morn..unusual of me..perhaps tired from zouk emot night..anyway, a day has passed..tak time to settle my emots..wen i don think, ths ain't tt bad..no tears..cool and steady..chill..don cry daph..don cry..my gosh..control yea..breathe in..learn to move on..i muz matured..friendship can stand the test of time..hop my friendship with Kristy ain't seasonal..

i make things happen...