Wed..cg day for this week as jaz they all gg krabi..meaning way advance bdae celeb for jaz..
hmmm..thruout so many things that chris said seems to be directed at me..not that he kept looking at me but all his words are like God's word coming straight into my heart..every word that contribute to my decisions twds alan and moi..
anyway side track..woke up prob 6am to do the "voucher" for jaz as we are giving her our love offering frm both cg..hmmm..felt bit low in the morn as i feel that the voucher is like not up to standards..i don feel it's nice..mayb expectations high or mayb i may low to do more creative thing..i felt guilty..why? for the 1st time ever as a bdae ic..i din make a card..conveniently gave an excuse that i have no time..act i hav time but i spent it elsewher and henceforth i cannot make a card for Jaz..Jaz leh..my leader, the one whose words weighs a lot to me..i din make a card for her..wat a joke man..so low..thruout the day weneva i'm free from my course's work, i will do the voucher..felt that it's not nice..
until i met chris and bavis, we had dina..Thank God for them..thru their words of encouragement, they helped me see wat i cant..think my voucher ain't that bad looking..if i'm more perfectionist, it could have looked beta..well..compromise standards man..haiz..compromise again..this word seems haunting..
well..so we bought jaz a big card..haiz..wen we were at the bugis building..i try to get as many people to write on her card..think one of the comforting thing abt the card is that it was filled with coloured writings of wishes from cg..not too bad looking..
man..i almost wan to flip..juz as i wanna keep the card and bring it to the room..O my gosh..i saw jaz..she juz came out of the restroom and asked wat was i doing..man..how timely can it be? i have hidden the card so well from her only to be discovered at the very last minute..BY HER..man..wat a "careful" bdae ic i was..man..add on to my low mood of the day..flipped..
anyway cut short a bit..we celebrated her bdae..hmmm..somehow i don feel good abt the celeb..think it was not well prep on my part..the atmosphere was like slow..everyone, everything seems so passive..gosh..further add to my "lowness"..
BUT BUT BUT..the MIRACLE of the day happened for me..THIS DEN IS THE MAIN POINT of this entry..
Jaz act looked at me and gave me a hug..and said "Thanks"..man..*feel bit like tearing now*..man..no one would understand how much that hug meant to me..thou i looked bit tired and low on the outside..inside my heart it was like "gosh!" i felt ACCEPTED..i FELT ACCEPTED by jaz despite all the sh*t i gave her 2 days back..i felt ACCEPTED..it meant so much to me..it lifted up my spirit and made me feel hopeful again..despite my mistake, she still accepts me..i wan to and i muz rem this Hug..this experience..this acceptance...it was unusual! it was Valuable coz it was simply Different from the way she treats me last time when i made mistakes..She is accepting this time..i felt free and bcoz i felt free, i act rem joanne.
I msg joanne and juz ask abt her..i wouldn't think of her that if not for that hug..coz i thot joanne was juz giving some excuses wen she said she cant attend cg..think to a certain extent felt that she had disappointed me again not juz not coming 4cg but also thru some stuff that hap over past week..ya..perhaps i felt that jaz would be disappointed with me again wen i told her those ths on mon..and so i felt a certain way twds joanne too..but when jaz showed me acceptance, i am able to open myself to joanne too..man..is this reali a link or i juz thot it to be..
daphne tang..beta wake up your idea..from today onwards..do not see joanne as having certain parts of you in her..she is her, i am moi..we have different lives to live..be mature in your response twds her man..don compromise your standards..don be childish..be christlike man..
something i received from cg..
*As Jesus is, i am....
moi's Sweet Memos
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Wed,25th April--0039hrs--Night Ambush
Night Ambush..think a term that only alan and i will understand..this portion i so wish alan will read...perhaps he will, mayb? will i tel him 2 read..mayb not..perhaps he will miss the timing wen he read this post..mayb too late wen decisions are made b4 he reads this..
TIME is the Factor..
Alan..i reali admire him in many sense..He is a fighter man..He fights so much to get thru 2 me..reali cannot comprehend, what did he see in me? what makes him so strong to keep fighting battles upon battles that i, daphne tang, am the one throwing at him..even kat commented that he reali "suffered" a lot for me..yes..reali an A grader in my eyes..i have absolutely no doubt abt this fact..He is a Fighter, an A grader, an all that i wish to have..
let's recall, 1st hell day for him was on wed, 18th april (i'm good with dates)..our 9 hrs talk..man..i still can rem how i crushed him man..even he himself said, he was low right to the core..
this mon..O, juz 2 days back, 23rd april..hell day #2..day ambush..supposedly shld have been a happy day for us turned out to be the otherwise..reali otherwise.. all time stress for both of us..i cried so much in the mornin..eyes were swollen when i realised and felt how much i would have to give up to be with him..i can neva put it adequately in words, the deep sadness i felt wen i thot of how much i will give up..so deep inside of me that i cannot help but to just cry at every thot of it..how "appropriate" for me to cry during the break time of my course..in the toilet, eyes swollen..best, mtg my boss lata during lunch..everyth seems to like to come at one go when i am feeling so vulnerable..man.. i felt that it was a joking monday..
took much courage to meet jaz in the evening..act i reached the bus stop at 1730 but i stoned for almost 30mins b4 i took a step 2 msg jaz and meet her for the dina tt i arranged in the morn(encouraged by kat..thank God for her if not the delay in telling jaz would kill me even more)..walked to meet her..extreme tension, fear and guilt..daph messed up again..did things 1st den tel her..she was nice and reasoning thruout the dina..din scold me, not that scary as i thot and imagined it wld be..she was real reasoning..thru her, i see so much of me..so much of my fears..weakness..weakness..weakness..
lousy..went back hm to consider what should i tel alan..lousy..i am reali lousy..i gave him 3 options..#1..don drink "coke" for 2 mths, #2..can still drink "coke" but no tying of cherry (huge compromise), #3..no "coke" at all..option 3..totally eliminated..option 1 not as appealing as option 2..so we decided on option 2..yeah..sounds positive..everyth seems to settle down..finally..
met kat juz now (tues night)..told her why i even allow option 2 wen i reali want to have option 1..reason..i am scared as well..i am mindful of his fears as well..i am scared and option2 seems like a good compromise for us..
as we chat..kat told me qt a bit but one of her statement set me thinking again.."again"..ya..scary word for alan again.. thinking again would means war for alan again..man..think knowing me for these 2 weeks had been a constant battle for him..i feel sorry for him..alan, i am sorry..bcoz of my indecisiveness and fickled mindedness (as mentioned by some1) , alan had to suffer..
this moment..i am supposed to be sleeping..both if us agreed that we need rest..yes..i am tired..i think he is even more tired than me..i am sorry alan..if i had been more decisive, you probably won't have to suffer so much..so wish he'll read this..but, wat's the objective?..let him noe my thots or simply see my weakness..i am not that decisive as i think i am..why? good qn!
a part of me wish to be with him yet i know in my heart even if i want to be with him, this is not the time..why? perhaps alan had been thinking so much abt it..he cannot comprehend bcoz he did not went thru wat i did..not juz my past experiences in relationships but the times when i feel that God is doing so much work in me to prepare me for what is to come..i struggled..i wan to serve God..do i reali want it? (jaz asked) coz if i reali want to serve God even more, i wouldn't hav stepped into this situation where i bring alan on a roller coaster ride..extreme hign and extreme down..i am so sorry..but will saying sorry helps?
ultimate qn is what do i want? good qn! to say i don noe it would be lying man..
i wan to serve God..i want to get back into race again..i cannot afford to miss my race at this timing..this timing that bro chris said is crucial..the three months thingy..this is like the 3rd moth..i don wan to drop out..yet i am mindful of alan..iam conscious of what he has done for me..i am mindful of his fears..i am scared too..will i fade and fail him? i am scared..that's why i open up option 2 for both of us..a compromise..yes a compromise..a compromise that someone said that i am a woman of no standards..i don set standards for myself and therefore i flop again and again in this area of relationship..immature..even my sis is way superior in terms of maturity in this area..
i wish to set standards too ..but i cannot do it alone..i need him to agree..i went praying juz now..1st time i prayed after so much had happened..i pray that God will lead and guide us..i pray that whateva conclusion we made it would be one of mutual understanding and agreement..
i wish to set standards..standards at the expense of him..at the expense of him facing his worst fears..am i able to give him any guarantee.. i would want to..but i am scared to a certain extent as well..i don trust myself..i failed many times..broke many promises, crushed many hearts..would he dare to believe in me? would i dare to believe in myself? as much as i would like to say don noe..juz now kat mentioned sth that i feel i had no excuse to say don noe..she said that i cannot keep using my past as an excuse..God has healed my past..so now, i am the one who knows what i want and do what is right..
juz now alan said he had a feeling that i am going to give him up..true to a certain extent..but i did not tel him that i will want to hold on to him too till the time is right..is he able to give me the time that he is so afraid to give? i am not sure..should he decide to let go..i noe i would miss a good man but i am not to hold him back in any way..i cannot afford to destroy him..
so conclusion?..daphne..
i want to get back into race..i will also give myself a chance to hold on my feelings for him should he allow time of waiting..right time..
right time..think this concept sounds dangerous to him..i wish to explain but some things simply cannot be explained..we will know when the time is right..
the time when a man after God's heart is here..a godly and God-fearing man..a protector, a provider, a physician, a prophet and a priest is here..a king and a general..
sounds tremendous task ahead..well..as i said b4, i may not understand why things happen the way they do now..so emotionally and mentally tormenting and draining, to him esp..
i will want to say God is good despite all..i am sorry God..my immaturity had caused such a big hooha..i need grace and saving hand again..Jesus..help!
TIME is the Factor..
Alan..i reali admire him in many sense..He is a fighter man..He fights so much to get thru 2 me..reali cannot comprehend, what did he see in me? what makes him so strong to keep fighting battles upon battles that i, daphne tang, am the one throwing at him..even kat commented that he reali "suffered" a lot for me..yes..reali an A grader in my eyes..i have absolutely no doubt abt this fact..He is a Fighter, an A grader, an all that i wish to have..
let's recall, 1st hell day for him was on wed, 18th april (i'm good with dates)..our 9 hrs talk..man..i still can rem how i crushed him man..even he himself said, he was low right to the core..
this mon..O, juz 2 days back, 23rd april..hell day #2..day ambush..supposedly shld have been a happy day for us turned out to be the otherwise..reali otherwise.. all time stress for both of us..i cried so much in the mornin..eyes were swollen when i realised and felt how much i would have to give up to be with him..i can neva put it adequately in words, the deep sadness i felt wen i thot of how much i will give up..so deep inside of me that i cannot help but to just cry at every thot of it..how "appropriate" for me to cry during the break time of my course..in the toilet, eyes swollen..best, mtg my boss lata during lunch..everyth seems to like to come at one go when i am feeling so vulnerable..man.. i felt that it was a joking monday..
took much courage to meet jaz in the evening..act i reached the bus stop at 1730 but i stoned for almost 30mins b4 i took a step 2 msg jaz and meet her for the dina tt i arranged in the morn(encouraged by kat..thank God for her if not the delay in telling jaz would kill me even more)..walked to meet her..extreme tension, fear and guilt..daph messed up again..did things 1st den tel her..she was nice and reasoning thruout the dina..din scold me, not that scary as i thot and imagined it wld be..she was real reasoning..thru her, i see so much of me..so much of my fears..weakness..weakness..weakness..
lousy..went back hm to consider what should i tel alan..lousy..i am reali lousy..i gave him 3 options..#1..don drink "coke" for 2 mths, #2..can still drink "coke" but no tying of cherry (huge compromise), #3..no "coke" at all..option 3..totally eliminated..option 1 not as appealing as option 2..so we decided on option 2..yeah..sounds positive..everyth seems to settle down..finally..
met kat juz now (tues night)..told her why i even allow option 2 wen i reali want to have option 1..reason..i am scared as well..i am mindful of his fears as well..i am scared and option2 seems like a good compromise for us..
as we chat..kat told me qt a bit but one of her statement set me thinking again.."again"..ya..scary word for alan again.. thinking again would means war for alan again..man..think knowing me for these 2 weeks had been a constant battle for him..i feel sorry for him..alan, i am sorry..bcoz of my indecisiveness and fickled mindedness (as mentioned by some1) , alan had to suffer..
this moment..i am supposed to be sleeping..both if us agreed that we need rest..yes..i am tired..i think he is even more tired than me..i am sorry alan..if i had been more decisive, you probably won't have to suffer so much..so wish he'll read this..but, wat's the objective?..let him noe my thots or simply see my weakness..i am not that decisive as i think i am..why? good qn!
a part of me wish to be with him yet i know in my heart even if i want to be with him, this is not the time..why? perhaps alan had been thinking so much abt it..he cannot comprehend bcoz he did not went thru wat i did..not juz my past experiences in relationships but the times when i feel that God is doing so much work in me to prepare me for what is to come..i struggled..i wan to serve God..do i reali want it? (jaz asked) coz if i reali want to serve God even more, i wouldn't hav stepped into this situation where i bring alan on a roller coaster ride..extreme hign and extreme down..i am so sorry..but will saying sorry helps?
ultimate qn is what do i want? good qn! to say i don noe it would be lying man..
i wan to serve God..i want to get back into race again..i cannot afford to miss my race at this timing..this timing that bro chris said is crucial..the three months thingy..this is like the 3rd moth..i don wan to drop out..yet i am mindful of alan..iam conscious of what he has done for me..i am mindful of his fears..i am scared too..will i fade and fail him? i am scared..that's why i open up option 2 for both of us..a compromise..yes a compromise..a compromise that someone said that i am a woman of no standards..i don set standards for myself and therefore i flop again and again in this area of relationship..immature..even my sis is way superior in terms of maturity in this area..
i wish to set standards too ..but i cannot do it alone..i need him to agree..i went praying juz now..1st time i prayed after so much had happened..i pray that God will lead and guide us..i pray that whateva conclusion we made it would be one of mutual understanding and agreement..
i wish to set standards..standards at the expense of him..at the expense of him facing his worst fears..am i able to give him any guarantee.. i would want to..but i am scared to a certain extent as well..i don trust myself..i failed many times..broke many promises, crushed many hearts..would he dare to believe in me? would i dare to believe in myself? as much as i would like to say don noe..juz now kat mentioned sth that i feel i had no excuse to say don noe..she said that i cannot keep using my past as an excuse..God has healed my past..so now, i am the one who knows what i want and do what is right..
juz now alan said he had a feeling that i am going to give him up..true to a certain extent..but i did not tel him that i will want to hold on to him too till the time is right..is he able to give me the time that he is so afraid to give? i am not sure..should he decide to let go..i noe i would miss a good man but i am not to hold him back in any way..i cannot afford to destroy him..
so conclusion?..daphne..
i want to get back into race..i will also give myself a chance to hold on my feelings for him should he allow time of waiting..right time..
right time..think this concept sounds dangerous to him..i wish to explain but some things simply cannot be explained..we will know when the time is right..
the time when a man after God's heart is here..a godly and God-fearing man..a protector, a provider, a physician, a prophet and a priest is here..a king and a general..
sounds tremendous task ahead..well..as i said b4, i may not understand why things happen the way they do now..so emotionally and mentally tormenting and draining, to him esp..
i will want to say God is good despite all..i am sorry God..my immaturity had caused such a big hooha..i need grace and saving hand again..Jesus..help!
Sunday, 22nd April--10km
O my goodness..it was a tough run man.. met up with alan and we walked big round again to ECP..haha..nice walk..warm up in a sense..
b4 we run, we compete in doing bridge..gosh..so irritating..i did not hold on longer if not i may not have lose to him..think i gave up coz psychologically was affected wen he said he did prac the night and did a 5 min..goodness..that certainly did shaken me a little thou i act tough..haiz..so regret..ego bruised..lesson learnt..neva be affect by ur opponent..believe in yourself..be fearless..
cool..we started the run..ha..i'm pretty happy coz i don feel as stress as last sun..i felt happy coz i was running my own pace, my own race..i like..i enjoy running for myself..i enjoy being focus and not mindful of other's expectations..i felt free..i like to be free..
as the distance gets longer..the mind gets even more challenged..let me recall my thots..when i was running..
i was telling myself i am running my own race.. i cant depend on anyone (thou nice to have alan to pace me in a sense)..i am running my own race, no one can run the race for me..
as i was running..haha..sun's song came into my mind so kinda music in mind running..ha..
thruout the run, i realised alan din wait for me as wat he did last sun..i think that was very good coz it will motivate me to keep chasing after him..i don wanna be too far behind him..so kinda he made me aware of my speed and pace..
when we made the turn at 5km..heee..think alan was pretty pleased coz he said i was doing at sub 50 pace..phew..kinda took a breath..slow down a little..man..think i got a little complacent..hmmm..not very good attitude..so kept running..started to struggled a little by then..there were times wen i feel lik stopping but cannot..kept running..man..feel high tide, would galdly like to use that as excuse to stop..but cannot..den i kept telling myself.. "i will not stop until the finishing line" i kept repeating that so many many times to keep myself going, keep running daph..sud rem sth i saw frm alan's blog..sth like "there is no finishing line, keep running"..yes..keep running daph..
man..reali struggling..kill me..ahhh..gotta psycho myself that i have mayb 3km more to go (feel that i ran a lot but think i got more dist 2cover man).. tough run..haven been running so hard..as i was running, felt bit low moarel coz when alan said i still can clock sud 60..my heart dropped a little..sud rem how i felt wen i saw my students ran and they stopped to walk and that increased their 2.4 timing which is a no good..man..thinking of that made me hasten a bit..abt last 600m..man.i reali wanna die..how come the bike shop still so far..good gracious i din have false hop that the nearer shops are the bike shop..if not i'll get even more low morale..man.. i reali want to die..my mental state is constantly challenged..ok..gonna ketchap with alan if i wan to go sub 60..i cant do sub 50, the least is to hit sub 60..if anyth more than 60..think my mind might get locked in that timing..so for my good..run faster daph..
Yes! finished le..ahhh..i need toilet..haha..super urgent that it wanted to come out le..goose bump all over i need toilet..haha.. man..the weather is hot man..moi face red again..hot man..hottttttttttttttt.....
man..wen alan told me it's 59min..i was like..haiz..ok..not that good..not too bad but could have been beta..but alan was reali nice and encouraging..he said that i probably ran a bit faster like 58mins plus (in my heart i was like, not much diff act, but thanks for the comfort thou..appreciate his encouragement)
think remembering it as 59min will make me wan run faster..coz like a black mark to me..hmmm..
ha.sud rem alan mentioned that he was smiling during the run coz he was quite pleased with my pace in the 1st leg (5km) i supposed..let me recall..he said that for the 1st 5 km, i was running ard ~5.15 per km..pretty not bad..2nd leg, slightly slower but think not too bad as well..ha..think it's reali nice to have his feedback and telling him my struggles while running and hearing his assurance makes the run not as low morale..but yeah..i will train for it man..
still rem wat my fren said in her blog..we don try to achieve sth coz it will not come..we TRAIN to achieve something..I will Train to achieve my goals..Jiayou dapH..5th May..Emerge 10km..God bless me..God, i miss You so much now..seem slong since i last spend time with ya..
b4 we run, we compete in doing bridge..gosh..so irritating..i did not hold on longer if not i may not have lose to him..think i gave up coz psychologically was affected wen he said he did prac the night and did a 5 min..goodness..that certainly did shaken me a little thou i act tough..haiz..so regret..ego bruised..lesson learnt..neva be affect by ur opponent..believe in yourself..be fearless..
cool..we started the run..ha..i'm pretty happy coz i don feel as stress as last sun..i felt happy coz i was running my own pace, my own race..i like..i enjoy running for myself..i enjoy being focus and not mindful of other's expectations..i felt free..i like to be free..
as the distance gets longer..the mind gets even more challenged..let me recall my thots..when i was running..
i was telling myself i am running my own race.. i cant depend on anyone (thou nice to have alan to pace me in a sense)..i am running my own race, no one can run the race for me..
as i was running..haha..sun's song came into my mind so kinda music in mind running..ha..
thruout the run, i realised alan din wait for me as wat he did last sun..i think that was very good coz it will motivate me to keep chasing after him..i don wanna be too far behind him..so kinda he made me aware of my speed and pace..
when we made the turn at 5km..heee..think alan was pretty pleased coz he said i was doing at sub 50 pace..phew..kinda took a breath..slow down a little..man..think i got a little complacent..hmmm..not very good attitude..so kept running..started to struggled a little by then..there were times wen i feel lik stopping but cannot..kept running..man..feel high tide, would galdly like to use that as excuse to stop..but cannot..den i kept telling myself.. "i will not stop until the finishing line" i kept repeating that so many many times to keep myself going, keep running daph..sud rem sth i saw frm alan's blog..sth like "there is no finishing line, keep running"..yes..keep running daph..
man..reali struggling..kill me..ahhh..gotta psycho myself that i have mayb 3km more to go (feel that i ran a lot but think i got more dist 2cover man).. tough run..haven been running so hard..as i was running, felt bit low moarel coz when alan said i still can clock sud 60..my heart dropped a little..sud rem how i felt wen i saw my students ran and they stopped to walk and that increased their 2.4 timing which is a no good..man..thinking of that made me hasten a bit..abt last 600m..man.i reali wanna die..how come the bike shop still so far..good gracious i din have false hop that the nearer shops are the bike shop..if not i'll get even more low morale..man.. i reali want to die..my mental state is constantly challenged..ok..gonna ketchap with alan if i wan to go sub 60..i cant do sub 50, the least is to hit sub 60..if anyth more than 60..think my mind might get locked in that timing..so for my good..run faster daph..
Yes! finished le..ahhh..i need toilet..haha..super urgent that it wanted to come out le..goose bump all over i need toilet..haha.. man..the weather is hot man..moi face red again..hot man..hottttttttttttttt.....
man..wen alan told me it's 59min..i was like..haiz..ok..not that good..not too bad but could have been beta..but alan was reali nice and encouraging..he said that i probably ran a bit faster like 58mins plus (in my heart i was like, not much diff act, but thanks for the comfort thou..appreciate his encouragement)
think remembering it as 59min will make me wan run faster..coz like a black mark to me..hmmm..
ha.sud rem alan mentioned that he was smiling during the run coz he was quite pleased with my pace in the 1st leg (5km) i supposed..let me recall..he said that for the 1st 5 km, i was running ard ~5.15 per km..pretty not bad..2nd leg, slightly slower but think not too bad as well..ha..think it's reali nice to have his feedback and telling him my struggles while running and hearing his assurance makes the run not as low morale..but yeah..i will train for it man..
still rem wat my fren said in her blog..we don try to achieve sth coz it will not come..we TRAIN to achieve something..I will Train to achieve my goals..Jiayou dapH..5th May..Emerge 10km..God bless me..God, i miss You so much now..seem slong since i last spend time with ya..
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Happening schedule 11th April - 22nd April
it seem reali long ago since i last blog..perhaps was too busy for almost a week..
wed 11th April--zouk..home at 4.30am..zzz at 4.40am..drama zouk night
--don noe why tt night out doesn't seem as fun as the 1st ladies night out..perhaps i was tired..1st day red star award..mayb energy level low man..had a run in the afternoon..so happy..haha..coz i finished my work faster so i went to NUS ran 11 rounds..by the time i stopped, it was like 12:47..weather was so hot man..
went hm, blogged..went bugis..dina alone den met up with pam..cab down to zouk..seriuosly do wan to drink but somehow still tio..1 glass of lychee martinni..wanted to siam e 2nd glass..but got caught by my fren, kristy..haha.. so i turned my back at them and quickly ask jon and his frens to help me drink..almost could have skipped the whole glass till jon's fren, alan..helped to get the attention back to me..he was saying out loudly to my frens that i wanted to skip the drink..gosh..special thanks to him man..i had half cup to finish..Bish..
i think the night was funny in a sense that jon and his 2 fren, alan and xu mao..we alwys pass by one another..ha..when we 1st wanted to go mambo, they stayed at phuture..when we came back, met them at the entrance, they were gg zouk..den we wan go back zouk, met them somewhere and they're gg back to phuture..basically, my frens and i kept passing by jon and his frens..haha..i find it so funny..haha
thurs 12th April--CHC Edunet (prep4 spelling Bee)..zzz at 1.30
--i feel so excited to be involved in wat church is doing in china..gosh..i pray that i will be able to go china in dec..God!!!..wen xiao yee was saying wat we intend to do in china..i feel so alive man..finally i am serving in some manner..i felt i had a part to play in the opening up of china..immediately wen i was onmy ay home, i alrdy brainstormed so many many many words for the catagories that xiao yee, olive and i came out with..so excited and nervous in a sense.. i reali want to do a good job in the prep of the spelling bee list for the kids in china..
Fri 13th April--Pst Benny Hinn svc..home at 1.30..zzz at 2plus
--1st night..what i rem most from this svc is "God indeed placed a great value in me"
Sat 14th April--Pst Benny Hinn svc..home at 1plus
--2nd night..wat i rem most.."God isso great and yet He bothers abt me"
He cares for me to move in my life and changing me each day..amazing
Sun 15th April--home early..mayb ard 12mn
--3rd day..something in the spiritual amosphere broke..i felt free from something that i have struggled since thurs..haiz..emot matters again..God!!!!
Mon 16th April--met with jon..hm pretty early..11.30
Tues 17th April--met with kat..hm..earliest..11plus
Wed 18th April--meeting buddy..hm?
Thurs 19th April--yeah..presently free..
Fri 20th April--cg, will celeb weng's bdae den go ton kat's hse
Sat 21st April--svc..presently gg out with alan aft svc
Sun--
wed 11th April--zouk..home at 4.30am..zzz at 4.40am..drama zouk night
--don noe why tt night out doesn't seem as fun as the 1st ladies night out..perhaps i was tired..1st day red star award..mayb energy level low man..had a run in the afternoon..so happy..haha..coz i finished my work faster so i went to NUS ran 11 rounds..by the time i stopped, it was like 12:47..weather was so hot man..
went hm, blogged..went bugis..dina alone den met up with pam..cab down to zouk..seriuosly do wan to drink but somehow still tio..1 glass of lychee martinni..wanted to siam e 2nd glass..but got caught by my fren, kristy..haha.. so i turned my back at them and quickly ask jon and his frens to help me drink..almost could have skipped the whole glass till jon's fren, alan..helped to get the attention back to me..he was saying out loudly to my frens that i wanted to skip the drink..gosh..special thanks to him man..i had half cup to finish..Bish..
i think the night was funny in a sense that jon and his 2 fren, alan and xu mao..we alwys pass by one another..ha..when we 1st wanted to go mambo, they stayed at phuture..when we came back, met them at the entrance, they were gg zouk..den we wan go back zouk, met them somewhere and they're gg back to phuture..basically, my frens and i kept passing by jon and his frens..haha..i find it so funny..haha
thurs 12th April--CHC Edunet (prep4 spelling Bee)..zzz at 1.30
--i feel so excited to be involved in wat church is doing in china..gosh..i pray that i will be able to go china in dec..God!!!..wen xiao yee was saying wat we intend to do in china..i feel so alive man..finally i am serving in some manner..i felt i had a part to play in the opening up of china..immediately wen i was onmy ay home, i alrdy brainstormed so many many many words for the catagories that xiao yee, olive and i came out with..so excited and nervous in a sense.. i reali want to do a good job in the prep of the spelling bee list for the kids in china..
Fri 13th April--Pst Benny Hinn svc..home at 1.30..zzz at 2plus
--1st night..what i rem most from this svc is "God indeed placed a great value in me"
Sat 14th April--Pst Benny Hinn svc..home at 1plus
--2nd night..wat i rem most.."God isso great and yet He bothers abt me"
He cares for me to move in my life and changing me each day..amazing
Sun 15th April--home early..mayb ard 12mn
--3rd day..something in the spiritual amosphere broke..i felt free from something that i have struggled since thurs..haiz..emot matters again..God!!!!
Mon 16th April--met with jon..hm pretty early..11.30
Tues 17th April--met with kat..hm..earliest..11plus
Wed 18th April--meeting buddy..hm?
Thurs 19th April--yeah..presently free..
Fri 20th April--cg, will celeb weng's bdae den go ton kat's hse
Sat 21st April--svc..presently gg out with alan aft svc
Sun--
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
my regrets--my grandpa
was looking at my past entry "daph's past"..was quick glancing in a sense..but the emots are still there..den saw my grandma and moi's pic b4 i write this then brought to my remembrance of my grandpa..
gave my grandma a call juz now, now she's in her own hse at AMK..she wanted to move back and stay alone since a while ago..so miss her after the call..think my grandma sometimes very cute..very alone too..sometimes it's so easy to think that she is living a good life..is she? mayb..coz on the surface she seems to have the concern of family, living with my aunt and stuff..not alone physically (how abt emot?)..is it reali bliss? mayb..
sometimes i feel that my grandma is lonely thou she is surrounded with people..so?..how many times do we listened to her..sometimes when i do look for her and listen to her talked..many times i can feel she miss grandpa..she reali misses him..i still rem how she cried den at his wake..she was composed yet sad, her tears shows it all..man..*as i write now..emot again..tearing..mayb coz red star award*..thou grandma din say much..from certain times wen she mentioned grandpa..i feel that she longs for him..sometimes she will mention a bit more..
i rem she told me how they met act..thru arranged marriage..think grandpapa was an honest, down to earth man..
i still rem grandpa was such a patient grandpa..according to my papa, he said grandpa neva beat any of his grandchildren..haha..except my powerful sista..delphine tang..hahaha..why?..she was such a powerful "biter" when she was young..mayb 2 yrs old..haha..think it's her teething period so she wil act bit people..ha..moi is a frequent victim to her attacks..haha..sometimes mummy beat her..i will run to toilet and hide 1st while she came banging at my toilet door..haha..why i ciao..coz rem there was once, she was crying bitterly den i comforted her, her head was on my thighs and den God bless me...she juz one bite on my thigh..ahhhhh!!!! it was painfull..don rem if i did cry but i do rem next time she cries, i'll run 1st..haha..
anyway, coming back..due to her active teething stage..that was once she ran to my grandpapa and hugged his leg..and den..haha.."kekz" she bit my grandpapa's thigh..haha..powerful man..that brought a slap to her..haha..1st time my grandpa slapped his grandchildren..man..all thanks to moi's sis--the only exception in Tang's family history..haha..
My grandpa..i rem..perhaps i had harden my heart qt a bit so i will not feel the pain..act on the day he passed away..i went for my JC's netball training..i rem very clearly still..for the past few days, we were in out the hospital qt often to see my grandpa..his condition seems unstable..
i still rem..it was wed..i kinda had feeling that something might hap..but i was immature den..i still went for my netball training..i think i choose to go coz i don noe how to respond to all the hospital visitations..to a certain extent, when i went for netball trg, i block myself to think that i was not very close to my grandpa..was i ?
but the thing was..he passed away that wed..the whole family was sad..grandpa..head of the family..no longer with us..(gosh, why am i tearing so much now...)
i was not there but i heard the report from my aunt that b4 he passes away, he said the sinner's prayer (i don noe if he said or nodded to the prayer)..den b4 he closed his eyes foreva..he actually did a signal, he points his finger to Heaven and gave a "good" thumbs up..he was saying that God is good..yes..God is indeed good..at least i know my grandpapa is in heaven now..now as i write..i rem him..mayb a bit miss him too..quiet man..honest..hardworking grandpa..
grandpa..why did i not go hospital that day? why did i go 4 trg when i felt that someth was not right? gosh..wat was i thinking den..( man..so much tears now)..what was i thinking man..is tis my regret? yes..much as i want to stop myself frm feeling the pain by saying "no"..the ans is yes..i regret..i have many many many regrets in my life..this is one of it..
think many times i say to people (esp wen i'm very upset with the person) "i neva have regrets in my decisions"..but to admit honestly..i do have..many..perhaps bcoz many regrets made me want to appear strong and said "No, i neva regret what i do"..the fact is i do..in fact..too many regrets..perhaps one day i will blog it down too..
anyway, tears have stopped..hmmm..perhaps, got logical again..or is my red star award making me emotionally unstable..hmmm..don noe..but i do noe..feels good to release out thru "water"..
Grandpa..i am sorry.. i was not there..i could have been..but i was not..(man..this hurts..why do "water flow so easily?)..think i am not that emot person..mayb..perhaps.. i'm emot now..muz b bcoz of red star..i'm not that emot i think..i always thot and made myself believ that this matter has no effects on me..apparently seems lik i am..
Sorry grandpa..*tears*
gave my grandma a call juz now, now she's in her own hse at AMK..she wanted to move back and stay alone since a while ago..so miss her after the call..think my grandma sometimes very cute..very alone too..sometimes it's so easy to think that she is living a good life..is she? mayb..coz on the surface she seems to have the concern of family, living with my aunt and stuff..not alone physically (how abt emot?)..is it reali bliss? mayb..
sometimes i feel that my grandma is lonely thou she is surrounded with people..so?..how many times do we listened to her..sometimes when i do look for her and listen to her talked..many times i can feel she miss grandpa..she reali misses him..i still rem how she cried den at his wake..she was composed yet sad, her tears shows it all..man..*as i write now..emot again..tearing..mayb coz red star award*..thou grandma din say much..from certain times wen she mentioned grandpa..i feel that she longs for him..sometimes she will mention a bit more..
i rem she told me how they met act..thru arranged marriage..think grandpapa was an honest, down to earth man..
i still rem grandpa was such a patient grandpa..according to my papa, he said grandpa neva beat any of his grandchildren..haha..except my powerful sista..delphine tang..hahaha..why?..she was such a powerful "biter" when she was young..mayb 2 yrs old..haha..think it's her teething period so she wil act bit people..ha..moi is a frequent victim to her attacks..haha..sometimes mummy beat her..i will run to toilet and hide 1st while she came banging at my toilet door..haha..why i ciao..coz rem there was once, she was crying bitterly den i comforted her, her head was on my thighs and den God bless me...she juz one bite on my thigh..ahhhhh!!!! it was painfull..don rem if i did cry but i do rem next time she cries, i'll run 1st..haha..
anyway, coming back..due to her active teething stage..that was once she ran to my grandpapa and hugged his leg..and den..haha.."kekz" she bit my grandpapa's thigh..haha..powerful man..that brought a slap to her..haha..1st time my grandpa slapped his grandchildren..man..all thanks to moi's sis--the only exception in Tang's family history..haha..
My grandpa..i rem..perhaps i had harden my heart qt a bit so i will not feel the pain..act on the day he passed away..i went for my JC's netball training..i rem very clearly still..for the past few days, we were in out the hospital qt often to see my grandpa..his condition seems unstable..
i still rem..it was wed..i kinda had feeling that something might hap..but i was immature den..i still went for my netball training..i think i choose to go coz i don noe how to respond to all the hospital visitations..to a certain extent, when i went for netball trg, i block myself to think that i was not very close to my grandpa..was i ?
but the thing was..he passed away that wed..the whole family was sad..grandpa..head of the family..no longer with us..(gosh, why am i tearing so much now...)
i was not there but i heard the report from my aunt that b4 he passes away, he said the sinner's prayer (i don noe if he said or nodded to the prayer)..den b4 he closed his eyes foreva..he actually did a signal, he points his finger to Heaven and gave a "good" thumbs up..he was saying that God is good..yes..God is indeed good..at least i know my grandpapa is in heaven now..now as i write..i rem him..mayb a bit miss him too..quiet man..honest..hardworking grandpa..
grandpa..why did i not go hospital that day? why did i go 4 trg when i felt that someth was not right? gosh..wat was i thinking den..( man..so much tears now)..what was i thinking man..is tis my regret? yes..much as i want to stop myself frm feeling the pain by saying "no"..the ans is yes..i regret..i have many many many regrets in my life..this is one of it..
think many times i say to people (esp wen i'm very upset with the person) "i neva have regrets in my decisions"..but to admit honestly..i do have..many..perhaps bcoz many regrets made me want to appear strong and said "No, i neva regret what i do"..the fact is i do..in fact..too many regrets..perhaps one day i will blog it down too..
anyway, tears have stopped..hmmm..perhaps, got logical again..or is my red star award making me emotionally unstable..hmmm..don noe..but i do noe..feels good to release out thru "water"..
Grandpa..i am sorry.. i was not there..i could have been..but i was not..(man..this hurts..why do "water flow so easily?)..think i am not that emot person..mayb..perhaps.. i'm emot now..muz b bcoz of red star..i'm not that emot i think..i always thot and made myself believ that this matter has no effects on me..apparently seems lik i am..
Sorry grandpa..*tears*
3.33pm--Early release--ran at NUS
hahaha..i am so happy..hahaha..so pleasantly surprise that today i can be home early..haha..coz my instructor said i finished my part of work for the day so can ciao early..haha.. i left dover ITE at abt 12pm..hahaha..happy coz don need rush to anywhere, secondly can bring laptop hm so phine can use and don need 2meet me at night and helped me carried my bag hm so i can go clubbing at ease..haha..
man..today i took so much ths w me, 1 shoe bag inside with a handbag 4 tonight..was thinkin gosh if let my sis carry hm..i think she will drop man coz my red bag is heavy and bulky with laptp stuff plus a shoe bag and her own bag..man..my sis gonna b a superwoman..haha..Thank God i can come hm early..Yes! haha
Next very happy thing is..heehee..i ran..Yes..i went running today..haha..i went to explore NUS ground in a sense..haha..went there ran 11 rounds, lane 8..was doing mental calculation tt if lane 8 is 440m according to wat my fren told me..den it would mean i ran abt 4.8km..ok la..not too bad..don stress myself..did run is alrdy good enuf for now..haha..man..it was getting hotter with each round..think i started running abt 12.15pm..haha..xiao ah..haha..act weather was qt fine, lik wan rain but not and till it got hotter by each min man..haha..
I m happy coz i feel that i did wat i planned..i did wat i wrote in my prev entry..i did run..God, i m making effort..and i wan to Thank God that i decided to ran right den..act was comtemplating whether wan go back Sengkang den run..den haiz..go NUS ran ba..haha..Thank God i made a choice to run at NUS coz i'm afraid as i delay, i'll get lazy..haha..
Thank God i ran coz when i was walking 1 round to cool down i saw a fren tt i lost her contact..haha..we only met once or twice thru triathlon event..haha..amazing..coz i think she doesn't recognise so act wen she pass by me, i say out her name (pretty soft, enuf to be heard thou)..haha..it took her a while to rem me..haha..cute right..den she made a statement which made me felt a bit happy..haha..she mentoned her frens and her were commenting tt "wow, such a fit gal, running in the afternoon"..hahaha..thou i say "nothing la..illusion" but in my heart i was qt pleased..hahaha..ego man..hahaha..
act Thank God i managed to even run the 11th round coz i wanted to stop at 10th but timing still bit short so juz endure anoth round..it was reali hot..will train to run more the next time..ha..act wanna to put "Try" run more until i rem in my fren's blog her sermon notes says..Only Training can tak us to where we want to go,while trying doesn't..haha..so i will Train to Run More, Faster for God..Jiayou daph..Thank You Holy Spirit..i kept the focus to run..Yes!
man..today i took so much ths w me, 1 shoe bag inside with a handbag 4 tonight..was thinkin gosh if let my sis carry hm..i think she will drop man coz my red bag is heavy and bulky with laptp stuff plus a shoe bag and her own bag..man..my sis gonna b a superwoman..haha..Thank God i can come hm early..Yes! haha
Next very happy thing is..heehee..i ran..Yes..i went running today..haha..i went to explore NUS ground in a sense..haha..went there ran 11 rounds, lane 8..was doing mental calculation tt if lane 8 is 440m according to wat my fren told me..den it would mean i ran abt 4.8km..ok la..not too bad..don stress myself..did run is alrdy good enuf for now..haha..man..it was getting hotter with each round..think i started running abt 12.15pm..haha..xiao ah..haha..act weather was qt fine, lik wan rain but not and till it got hotter by each min man..haha..
I m happy coz i feel that i did wat i planned..i did wat i wrote in my prev entry..i did run..God, i m making effort..and i wan to Thank God that i decided to ran right den..act was comtemplating whether wan go back Sengkang den run..den haiz..go NUS ran ba..haha..Thank God i made a choice to run at NUS coz i'm afraid as i delay, i'll get lazy..haha..
Thank God i ran coz when i was walking 1 round to cool down i saw a fren tt i lost her contact..haha..we only met once or twice thru triathlon event..haha..amazing..coz i think she doesn't recognise so act wen she pass by me, i say out her name (pretty soft, enuf to be heard thou)..haha..it took her a while to rem me..haha..cute right..den she made a statement which made me felt a bit happy..haha..she mentoned her frens and her were commenting tt "wow, such a fit gal, running in the afternoon"..hahaha..thou i say "nothing la..illusion" but in my heart i was qt pleased..hahaha..ego man..hahaha..
act Thank God i managed to even run the 11th round coz i wanted to stop at 10th but timing still bit short so juz endure anoth round..it was reali hot..will train to run more the next time..ha..act wanna to put "Try" run more until i rem in my fren's blog her sermon notes says..Only Training can tak us to where we want to go,while trying doesn't..haha..so i will Train to Run More, Faster for God..Jiayou daph..Thank You Holy Spirit..i kept the focus to run..Yes!
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Re-focus--I wan to run for God
haha..kinda excited and kept thinking abt it..lik planning wher to put my course stuff and how to go sch the next day..den draw myself away to get into my room and pray..
man..my mind was lik flooding with tons of tons of wateva man..kept praying in tongues..initially it was real difficult..could not feel God at all coz my mind still very filled up with thots..kept praying..kept praying..kept pressing on until i felt a little breakthru now..Thank God i din ciao early..as i keep praying, my mind gets clearer, felt more at peace with myself and abt gg club tml..i don want to drink..i have a race to run..but most imptly i wan to shed weight..had been qt slack with myself..i wan shed weight not juz pri 4myself but i wan to be lean and strong for God..
Praying in the spirit helped me to get back my focus in God now..I wan to reduce my weight to 50kg by 30th June 2007..and i wan to be in top 3 for my 10kn run on 5th May, for Emerge..
i wan to go run tml..gonna be a little troublesome coz gonna bring extra gear and at night clubbing..so many things..but i need to train..i wan to train..i rem i wan to train and run for God..i pray that God, lata i will be discipline to run during lunch time..i need to train..10km..for You Jesus..Holy Spirit..guide me i pray..my Focus..capture my focus for You, God..capture my attention so that i will run for You..i wan to Run for You..Yes and Amen!
Mt 13:23
"But he who received seed on the good ground is he who hears the word and understands it, who indeed bear fruits and produces: some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty."
God, a 100% for You..my run, my weight..For You..
I wan to be one who bears fruits..Holy spirit..i need so muc more of You..help me focus and do what is right in You i pray..my life is Yours Jesus..have Your way in me..like bro chris said..Christlikeness..not daphne but Jesus in me..More of You Holy Spiri and less of me..Amen!
man..my mind was lik flooding with tons of tons of wateva man..kept praying in tongues..initially it was real difficult..could not feel God at all coz my mind still very filled up with thots..kept praying..kept praying..kept pressing on until i felt a little breakthru now..Thank God i din ciao early..as i keep praying, my mind gets clearer, felt more at peace with myself and abt gg club tml..i don want to drink..i have a race to run..but most imptly i wan to shed weight..had been qt slack with myself..i wan shed weight not juz pri 4myself but i wan to be lean and strong for God..
Praying in the spirit helped me to get back my focus in God now..I wan to reduce my weight to 50kg by 30th June 2007..and i wan to be in top 3 for my 10kn run on 5th May, for Emerge..
i wan to go run tml..gonna be a little troublesome coz gonna bring extra gear and at night clubbing..so many things..but i need to train..i wan to train..i rem i wan to train and run for God..i pray that God, lata i will be discipline to run during lunch time..i need to train..10km..for You Jesus..Holy Spirit..guide me i pray..my Focus..capture my focus for You, God..capture my attention so that i will run for You..i wan to Run for You..Yes and Amen!
Mt 13:23
"But he who received seed on the good ground is he who hears the word and understands it, who indeed bear fruits and produces: some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty."
God, a 100% for You..my run, my weight..For You..
I wan to be one who bears fruits..Holy spirit..i need so muc more of You..help me focus and do what is right in You i pray..my life is Yours Jesus..have Your way in me..like bro chris said..Christlikeness..not daphne but Jesus in me..More of You Holy Spiri and less of me..Amen!
Lessons learnt from little happenings
Today act felt a little tired..so drama in the morn..i woke up late..like 7.30am and it was lik a sudden wake up call from Holy Spirit..haha..coz i was dreamoing den i juz suddenly pop up and realised the time.. the time tt i shld be out of hse..gosh..went out at 8am..
no bus seems to arrive at my bus stop..den came bus 85..thinking mayb can change to bus 80 to go interchange..act i could have taken the LRT but wanted to save a few cents, ended up i paid a high price for it man..
wat hap was, i stop at anoth bus stop,wanted to wait for bus 86 or 80 to go interchange..alrdy 8.15, no bus seems to come again..den came bus 325..ha..i thot will go straight to interchange..to my horror, it took such a big turn and not gg interchange yet..man..ended up i stopped at a stop that was just one stop further from the bus stop when i 1st board the bus..haha..i almost flipped and was laughing in my heart that it's such a joke of the day man..haha.. i gotta walked abt 100m to interchange, took train..reached harbourfront at 9am (the time i am supposed to be in class le) pengs..thank God, a cab came just in time..so i ended up paying 8bucks for a few cents i wanted to save..man..
Lesson learnt..God has given me a brain, i am to use it to make calculated "risk" analysis..haha..should have use my common sense and make the right decision at the right time..shouldn't have based my decisions on time and situations..that's not the way man..haha..
i define my situations, not my situations determine me..
God, i will use my God-given brain to think, consider and made the right decision..interesting lesson for 10th april..ha
no bus seems to arrive at my bus stop..den came bus 85..thinking mayb can change to bus 80 to go interchange..act i could have taken the LRT but wanted to save a few cents, ended up i paid a high price for it man..
wat hap was, i stop at anoth bus stop,wanted to wait for bus 86 or 80 to go interchange..alrdy 8.15, no bus seems to come again..den came bus 325..ha..i thot will go straight to interchange..to my horror, it took such a big turn and not gg interchange yet..man..ended up i stopped at a stop that was just one stop further from the bus stop when i 1st board the bus..haha..i almost flipped and was laughing in my heart that it's such a joke of the day man..haha.. i gotta walked abt 100m to interchange, took train..reached harbourfront at 9am (the time i am supposed to be in class le) pengs..thank God, a cab came just in time..so i ended up paying 8bucks for a few cents i wanted to save..man..
Lesson learnt..God has given me a brain, i am to use it to make calculated "risk" analysis..haha..should have use my common sense and make the right decision at the right time..shouldn't have based my decisions on time and situations..that's not the way man..haha..
i define my situations, not my situations determine me..
God, i will use my God-given brain to think, consider and made the right decision..interesting lesson for 10th april..ha
11th April—00:48hrs-- Easter Revelations
Easter Revelations
Haha..act I almost get to publish this earlier on sun night itself, however some prob hap with the blog, hence, my original msg was lost..so sad..now I will try to recall as much as I can..
Fri svc 1, 5pm
When I heard the sound and saw the nails pierced into Jesus’ hands and legs, right then I felt that “Jesus, You took the nail on behalf of me”..it was for me, Jesus..
Sat svc 2, 4.30pm
When I saw how Jesus was being whipped..i felt that “Jesus, You took the stripes for me, You bore my pain upon Your body”..it was for me..
Sun svc 5, 1.30pm
I heard the shoutings “Crucify” “Crucify”.. right then I felt I was also part of the people shouting “Crucify”.. when I am proud, selfish, stubborn and hard-hearted, my flesh was also shouting “Crucify”..it was my sins, my pride, my selfishness, stubbornness and hard-heartedness that nailed Jesus to the cross..
Jesus stayed on, on the cross so that all these sins and imperfections of mine can be forgiven..
Thank You Jesus, it is because of Your sacrifice once and for all that I can live today..Thank You Jesus..
I rem one part of the drama made me realised something..
Jesus was naked so that I can be covered..so that my sins and my shame can be covered..
Jesus, I Thank You..You were naked for me so that I can be covered in Your Great love..covered in Your righteousness even when shame were shouting out at me so many times, never-ending ..Jesus, You covered me when I so don’t deserve it..thank you...
Jesus, You loved me so much even thou I failed You so many times..God, You have given so many chances despite me disappointing You so many times..
God, why do you love me so much?
What made You love me so much despite all the mess up things I have committed?
God, what makes You so faithful despite my unfaithfulness?
God, what made You see me beyond my state and believe in me still even when I question myself now?
God, what made You—You, that You are ever so gracious, so merciful and kind twds me..
I Thank you for Your love..I Thank You for all the wonderful things You have done in my life..
God, I am Yours..Yours alone..
Made me, keep me, protect me to be Yours forever and ever..Never let me go..Hold me close to You I pray..Hold me close to You God..Hold me close to You..let me feel Your heartbeat and never let You go..
Holy Spirit, help me to Never let You go..
You are God Almighty..You are also my God, my Father..
Thank You Holy Spirit..More of You and Less of me I pray..Amen!
Sunday, April 8, 2007
8th April--Easter Miracle--Reconciliation with Joanne
Before i blog wat i wan to say..sud this song came to me..such old song song yet so true for me..just this portion that i was singing..
It's all about Jesus
It's all about the way He change our lives
It's all about Jesus
The power of His blood can't be deny
It's all about Jesus
It's all about the covenant He made
It's all about Jesus
Victoriously He rose up from the grave...
I wan to say today is a miracle day for me bcoz during praise i was thinking..for the 1st time after so long, i managed to talk to Joanne in peace without feeling much emot (mostly agitation) b4 svc starts..
Next best thing i was able to share with her a little how i felt over the past 2 Easter svcs i went, sharing with her how i felt that the bible is made understandable and alive thru the drama. Like i din noe Jesus could have been tempted in the area of thots in the desert..neva cross my mind..ha..and many oths which i will write in anoth portion.
I was happy that i am able to encourage her to watch the drama in a manner not out of fear ( coz she told me her feelings twds past Easter svcs) but to feel what Jesus felt for her and us when He went to the cross for us.
I reali Thank God for a peaceful conversation thou it's only a few mins..i think also partly bcoz she looks good today that it made it easier to talk to her..look good in the sense that she looked happy and friendly, willing to ask me how i felt abt past svcs and so i am willing to tell her too..
Service is simply Awesome again..i will write in anoth part..let's focus btw joanne and moi..After svc, chris came to look for us and shortly, joanne and him were conversing aside which i din not think much..wen joanne came to meet us at foyer 2 den she told me she needed to tell me something bcoz chris told her it is beta that she tells a sis wat hap..
she told me some stuff which i was not shock to hear, mayb certain expectancy she might go into that area that i thot she might go thru..true enuf, my expectations came true..
As i was listening and we were walking into train station, i asked her a few qns..den at the platform i began to share something that i am still surprised that i would share with her but yet expected as well..well, i kinda expected that God will one day move in my heart to tell her certain things in my heart but kinda din expect that it would be TODAY..haha..think it's just anoth of God's just-in-time at work again..haha..
On the platform, b4 i shared much with her, i just poped a short thot and told her that i am amazed by my calmness man..ha..she also replied that she felt unusual that i would be so calm to wan share with her my thots and this kinda made her feel comfortable with me..man, i tell you, this muz have been the work of God in my heart..given my character, i would rarely be so calm twds her, but today i was..extremely calm that i am simply still...amazed...
i shared with her a lot a lot but perhaps a few things i wan to write in this blog talking more of me twds her rather than focus on wat she told me coz it's confidential in a sense..
A few things i told her from the platform to boarding the train and all the way reaching to suntec were..
i told her of my past mistakes and i sincerely hop she will not have to go thru wat i went thru..she doesn't need to go thru unnec hurts (should there arise) and waste her potential in God..
I told her that i think i can feel wat Jaz felt for me, for her..so much potential but why waste it bcoz of bad choices we made..why waste her potential for wrong choices made..
in the train and walking to suntec i am very honest and open to her.. I apologise to her..
I apologise for the hurt i caused her when she din do much to invoke that kind of harsh treatment from me..i apologise coz i din not let her understand why i treat her harshly and stuff.. i apologised and explained and in explaining..i think i am freed by God in a sense.. when i am able to share my feelings without hidding anyth i am act releasing a lot of negative feelings i had inside of me,twds her..
i told her i am Sorry for the hurt i caused her coz i saw a lot of similarities in me--in her..and bcoz i so very dislikes these similarities (things i see in me) found in her,i just treat her harshly as i would treat myself..i told many people i am that kind of person who make a decision and chop chop move on..so by having such expectations on myself, i act put all these expectations on her as well..esp in the area of seeing her potential in God verus seeing her eva-changing mood and countenance..i am reali not nice to her.. i will always wonder why cant she just make a decision and move on?..haha..notice this? this is wat i alwys do to myself so i am like enforcing the same way on her..
but besides this i told her, the reason why i treat her harshly could be also bcoz of my resentment-turned ino-bitterness twds her.. i told her, in the beginning of our friendship, with all my heart i was very open to her and told her my purest thot i have twd her.. i told her, rem wen i 1st brought her to church and it was during Emerge, i told her, if she wants to be my friend, she got to change..wen i made that statement i was not harsh but plain honest wth her coz i told her i can see so much potential in her ( of course when i told her i noe she is able to take in wat i'm saying)..den wheneva her countence changed bcoz of certain events, i was patient to ask her, comfort and encourage her..howeva her mood change came too many times and week after week that it is getting on my nerve..
i lost my patience coz i felt that i have made myself clear in the beginning of our friendship my expectations for her and i felt that she disappoints me everytime when her countenance juz changed for the sudden..i would think that the concern i have for her is perverted to the extent that i just get very angry seeing her state and reali harsh that i always ask shu hui, christine or bel to talk to her instead of me aproaching her..coz i noe if i talk to her, she will "die " in my anger..i will be reali harsh twds her..no hestation man..
So i apologise to her coz i place my expectations on myself, on her and in turn she was confused why i always treat her harshly..to the extent that coming to church for her would mean facing her greatest fear--daphne..
O now i rem in the train b4 wat i wrote above..i shared with her in deep manner of my past..so open to tell her wat jaz told me when i was deeply involved emotionally with a guy..i rem Jaz asked me (in mandarine) "don tell me that you love each other so deeply that you cant control?"..don crap..think bcoz i got this frm Jaz, that's why wen joanne told me sth abt 2 mths back that she did someth bcoz she cant control..
i replied the same thing i received from Jaz wen she corrected me (in sept 2005)..i msg her back.."don crap! wat do you mean by can't control? cut the bull"
notice this? "cant control"---an excuse that i gave Jaz, she gave me..similar excuse, similar response i gave her back..not at all comforting but harsh i would think..see..it's the things that i got from my past and when i see it happening in her life, i will use what i received and placed it upon her..harsh treatment i would say..O muz clarify, not that Jaz is harsh twds me, she was not, except that 2 worst mistakes i made that hurt her loads..broke to many pieces her trust in me)..but it's the way i treat myself that i use it on joanne---bcoz of my mistakes, i will quickly make a decision to change, to move on and so i will use this harsh treatment on joanne too..expecting her to quickly make a decision, change and move on...
Gosh..i am such an imperfect person..act we talked a lot..told her a lot of my thots..thots that i kept from her for as long as she is in church..(of course, i muz say i listened to her a lot alot too..haha..in case you who is reading my blog will think it's a monologue btw us..haha)..i would say we shared a lot..very open to each oth..)
It was my past expericences, my expectations, my insecurity, jealousy and lots other factors that attributed to my harsh treatment twds her..
But i truly wan to thank God..i told Joanne, I thank God for her in my life coz thru her, i see a lot of emotions hidden inside of me..so much more of me..much as i hop i am not that bad..i am..and i need God's grace..
she shared her thots on wat i told her, she mentioned that she kinda felt unfair but finally she understands why i treat her the way i treat her..and i replied..Yes, i agree it is unfair to her coz she is not me..it is not fair that i treat her harshly..that's why i said it's such a miracle that we act shared so much today..so much of clearing up that was accumulated over so many mths..
Just now on my way home,in Hanzhong's van..i was not feeling at peace in my heart, think it's Holy Spirit prompting, that i msg her if she's badly hurt over what i shared with her coz it's like a mental shock to her..info overload..so much of my thots twds her not told but finally revealed today..she replied yes she was badly hurt and we exchanged many smses..i told her if she needs, tel jaz abt it or oth sistas coz saying out might help her cope beta..den last qn she asked why i msg her the 1st msg n i explained it was bcoz i don feel peaceful..whe things were much resolved, she asked me why did i msg her..i told her abt not feeling peaceful in heart den i asked her why she asked n she replied coz at that pt she was act thinking abt wat i told her and den came my msg asking her..she was surprised..ha..i think it is anoth of God's just-in-time ploicy at work again..such nice timing..where to get unless God moves in peoples' hearts..haha..
anyway to end what's btw us today is, we had a good conversation and in our last few msgs, we both agreed that God has placed us in each other's life for a purpose..we thank God we were able to clear all that fogged our freindship over the past few mths..Halleujah, Praise God for His wonderful work of healing in our souls..
O i rem i told Joanne, Zhiling told me b4, sometimes God allowed us to go thru certain painful experience so that we may be able to help oths..den just now at NYDC, shu hui mentioned somthing that she rem Pst saying..sometimes when we have certain flaws in our character, God will send people with the similar flaws in our lives so that we can see each oth's flaws and change from it..better character..
haha..Joanne is my trigger point yet also bcoz of her, i can become a beta person..Most importantly, it is bcoz of Jesus and His gracious work in me despite my horrible flaws and mistakes that i can have HOPE to become a better person..Thank you Holy Spirit..Thank you Jesus..
It's all about Jesus
It's all about the way He change our lives
It's all about Jesus
The power of His blood can't be deny
It's all about Jesus
It's all about the covenant He made
It's all about Jesus
Victoriously He rose up from the grave...
I wan to say today is a miracle day for me bcoz during praise i was thinking..for the 1st time after so long, i managed to talk to Joanne in peace without feeling much emot (mostly agitation) b4 svc starts..
Next best thing i was able to share with her a little how i felt over the past 2 Easter svcs i went, sharing with her how i felt that the bible is made understandable and alive thru the drama. Like i din noe Jesus could have been tempted in the area of thots in the desert..neva cross my mind..ha..and many oths which i will write in anoth portion.
I was happy that i am able to encourage her to watch the drama in a manner not out of fear ( coz she told me her feelings twds past Easter svcs) but to feel what Jesus felt for her and us when He went to the cross for us.
I reali Thank God for a peaceful conversation thou it's only a few mins..i think also partly bcoz she looks good today that it made it easier to talk to her..look good in the sense that she looked happy and friendly, willing to ask me how i felt abt past svcs and so i am willing to tell her too..
Service is simply Awesome again..i will write in anoth part..let's focus btw joanne and moi..After svc, chris came to look for us and shortly, joanne and him were conversing aside which i din not think much..wen joanne came to meet us at foyer 2 den she told me she needed to tell me something bcoz chris told her it is beta that she tells a sis wat hap..
she told me some stuff which i was not shock to hear, mayb certain expectancy she might go into that area that i thot she might go thru..true enuf, my expectations came true..
As i was listening and we were walking into train station, i asked her a few qns..den at the platform i began to share something that i am still surprised that i would share with her but yet expected as well..well, i kinda expected that God will one day move in my heart to tell her certain things in my heart but kinda din expect that it would be TODAY..haha..think it's just anoth of God's just-in-time at work again..haha..
On the platform, b4 i shared much with her, i just poped a short thot and told her that i am amazed by my calmness man..ha..she also replied that she felt unusual that i would be so calm to wan share with her my thots and this kinda made her feel comfortable with me..man, i tell you, this muz have been the work of God in my heart..given my character, i would rarely be so calm twds her, but today i was..extremely calm that i am simply still...amazed...
i shared with her a lot a lot but perhaps a few things i wan to write in this blog talking more of me twds her rather than focus on wat she told me coz it's confidential in a sense..
A few things i told her from the platform to boarding the train and all the way reaching to suntec were..
i told her of my past mistakes and i sincerely hop she will not have to go thru wat i went thru..she doesn't need to go thru unnec hurts (should there arise) and waste her potential in God..
I told her that i think i can feel wat Jaz felt for me, for her..so much potential but why waste it bcoz of bad choices we made..why waste her potential for wrong choices made..
in the train and walking to suntec i am very honest and open to her.. I apologise to her..
I apologise for the hurt i caused her when she din do much to invoke that kind of harsh treatment from me..i apologise coz i din not let her understand why i treat her harshly and stuff.. i apologised and explained and in explaining..i think i am freed by God in a sense.. when i am able to share my feelings without hidding anyth i am act releasing a lot of negative feelings i had inside of me,twds her..
i told her i am Sorry for the hurt i caused her coz i saw a lot of similarities in me--in her..and bcoz i so very dislikes these similarities (things i see in me) found in her,i just treat her harshly as i would treat myself..i told many people i am that kind of person who make a decision and chop chop move on..so by having such expectations on myself, i act put all these expectations on her as well..esp in the area of seeing her potential in God verus seeing her eva-changing mood and countenance..i am reali not nice to her.. i will always wonder why cant she just make a decision and move on?..haha..notice this? this is wat i alwys do to myself so i am like enforcing the same way on her..
but besides this i told her, the reason why i treat her harshly could be also bcoz of my resentment-turned ino-bitterness twds her.. i told her, in the beginning of our friendship, with all my heart i was very open to her and told her my purest thot i have twd her.. i told her, rem wen i 1st brought her to church and it was during Emerge, i told her, if she wants to be my friend, she got to change..wen i made that statement i was not harsh but plain honest wth her coz i told her i can see so much potential in her ( of course when i told her i noe she is able to take in wat i'm saying)..den wheneva her countence changed bcoz of certain events, i was patient to ask her, comfort and encourage her..howeva her mood change came too many times and week after week that it is getting on my nerve..
i lost my patience coz i felt that i have made myself clear in the beginning of our friendship my expectations for her and i felt that she disappoints me everytime when her countenance juz changed for the sudden..i would think that the concern i have for her is perverted to the extent that i just get very angry seeing her state and reali harsh that i always ask shu hui, christine or bel to talk to her instead of me aproaching her..coz i noe if i talk to her, she will "die " in my anger..i will be reali harsh twds her..no hestation man..
So i apologise to her coz i place my expectations on myself, on her and in turn she was confused why i always treat her harshly..to the extent that coming to church for her would mean facing her greatest fear--daphne..
O now i rem in the train b4 wat i wrote above..i shared with her in deep manner of my past..so open to tell her wat jaz told me when i was deeply involved emotionally with a guy..i rem Jaz asked me (in mandarine) "don tell me that you love each other so deeply that you cant control?"..don crap..think bcoz i got this frm Jaz, that's why wen joanne told me sth abt 2 mths back that she did someth bcoz she cant control..
i replied the same thing i received from Jaz wen she corrected me (in sept 2005)..i msg her back.."don crap! wat do you mean by can't control? cut the bull"
notice this? "cant control"---an excuse that i gave Jaz, she gave me..similar excuse, similar response i gave her back..not at all comforting but harsh i would think..see..it's the things that i got from my past and when i see it happening in her life, i will use what i received and placed it upon her..harsh treatment i would say..O muz clarify, not that Jaz is harsh twds me, she was not, except that 2 worst mistakes i made that hurt her loads..broke to many pieces her trust in me)..but it's the way i treat myself that i use it on joanne---bcoz of my mistakes, i will quickly make a decision to change, to move on and so i will use this harsh treatment on joanne too..expecting her to quickly make a decision, change and move on...
Gosh..i am such an imperfect person..act we talked a lot..told her a lot of my thots..thots that i kept from her for as long as she is in church..(of course, i muz say i listened to her a lot alot too..haha..in case you who is reading my blog will think it's a monologue btw us..haha)..i would say we shared a lot..very open to each oth..)
It was my past expericences, my expectations, my insecurity, jealousy and lots other factors that attributed to my harsh treatment twds her..
But i truly wan to thank God..i told Joanne, I thank God for her in my life coz thru her, i see a lot of emotions hidden inside of me..so much more of me..much as i hop i am not that bad..i am..and i need God's grace..
she shared her thots on wat i told her, she mentioned that she kinda felt unfair but finally she understands why i treat her the way i treat her..and i replied..Yes, i agree it is unfair to her coz she is not me..it is not fair that i treat her harshly..that's why i said it's such a miracle that we act shared so much today..so much of clearing up that was accumulated over so many mths..
Just now on my way home,in Hanzhong's van..i was not feeling at peace in my heart, think it's Holy Spirit prompting, that i msg her if she's badly hurt over what i shared with her coz it's like a mental shock to her..info overload..so much of my thots twds her not told but finally revealed today..she replied yes she was badly hurt and we exchanged many smses..i told her if she needs, tel jaz abt it or oth sistas coz saying out might help her cope beta..den last qn she asked why i msg her the 1st msg n i explained it was bcoz i don feel peaceful..whe things were much resolved, she asked me why did i msg her..i told her abt not feeling peaceful in heart den i asked her why she asked n she replied coz at that pt she was act thinking abt wat i told her and den came my msg asking her..she was surprised..ha..i think it is anoth of God's just-in-time ploicy at work again..such nice timing..where to get unless God moves in peoples' hearts..haha..
anyway to end what's btw us today is, we had a good conversation and in our last few msgs, we both agreed that God has placed us in each other's life for a purpose..we thank God we were able to clear all that fogged our freindship over the past few mths..Halleujah, Praise God for His wonderful work of healing in our souls..
O i rem i told Joanne, Zhiling told me b4, sometimes God allowed us to go thru certain painful experience so that we may be able to help oths..den just now at NYDC, shu hui mentioned somthing that she rem Pst saying..sometimes when we have certain flaws in our character, God will send people with the similar flaws in our lives so that we can see each oth's flaws and change from it..better character..
haha..Joanne is my trigger point yet also bcoz of her, i can become a beta person..Most importantly, it is bcoz of Jesus and His gracious work in me despite my horrible flaws and mistakes that i can have HOPE to become a better person..Thank you Holy Spirit..Thank you Jesus..
Friday, April 6, 2007
Blood donation
hahaha..i'm so excited..haha..lata gg to donate blood..my gosh..i always feel very excited to donate blood that i will always pray that my iron level will be high enuf for me to donate blood..i will also pray that i am healthy..haha..O i will always drink a lot of milk too..haha..iron level ma..haha
don noe since wen i started to donate blood..mayb thru church, last time in Joo chiat donate blood..act i feel it is very meaningful to donate blood coz blood is life..bible says so, i read it in OT..i am very happy to be able to give life thru this..
i wan to be part of church's donation prog coz i rem Pst once said..God told him to tithe 10% in this area of blood donation..so that time he was aiming for 2000 donors from church..i rem that time i couldn't be in coz i donated earlier..now, i wan to be part of the tithe to God..
God is the one who grew CHC to wher we are now..Without Him, we are nothing..i understand Pst's vision and i'm running with it..blood donation...Here i come..Yes!!!!! haha
don noe since wen i started to donate blood..mayb thru church, last time in Joo chiat donate blood..act i feel it is very meaningful to donate blood coz blood is life..bible says so, i read it in OT..i am very happy to be able to give life thru this..
i wan to be part of church's donation prog coz i rem Pst once said..God told him to tithe 10% in this area of blood donation..so that time he was aiming for 2000 donors from church..i rem that time i couldn't be in coz i donated earlier..now, i wan to be part of the tithe to God..
God is the one who grew CHC to wher we are now..Without Him, we are nothing..i understand Pst's vision and i'm running with it..blood donation...Here i come..Yes!!!!! haha
Sun's songs of comfort..
i am very capitivated by Sun's songs..somehow it is like what they described her songs to be..songs that bring hope and comfort to people..think partly due to her songs, it serves as a catalyst for me to blog my past.. much healing tothe soul indeed coz i felt that i am not the only one feeling wat i'm feeling..
one of her songs, yin wei you ni..it's lik talking abt God in my life..bcoz of Him, my life took a turn back to one that has hope and future..
today as i went for svc, during worship..my heart kinda softer than b4 that i teared at some of the lyrics sung.."Jesus Jesus, No other Name, No one the same like You.."
"God, i hop i can be very open in my emotions b4 You, to let You do whateva You want to do in my heart, in my life."
to be honest, i am not as honest to God in my emot as i hop i am..perhaps, i know God will do a major work that i might not be prep for..or perhaps, there are just some areas too vulnerable for God to touch..that i am not willing..i'm too scared to reveal..it takes a lot for me to be honest with God..i might juz teared lik nobody's biz..i don want..i'm strong..but am i reali strong?..act not i know in my deepest of heart..perhaps,brokeness..i need to b broken..
i like bloggin now.. think i'm beginning to understand why pp blog..a channel to tell their thots..
lik a channel for me to share my thots..but more of me reflecting..to consider..
i thot of something..to a friend who turn down my invitation to Easter svc..act i wish i can tel her so much that it is not her that she doesn't want to come church..i feel that she might also have some areas too vulnerable to share with anyone..and as a basic instinct of defence that she made herself seem to be who she is now..(diff to understand) it's ok..for me to writ out act..i don think she is like that but she was made to become like that..my friend..i hop you will know Jesus as i know Him..He is a compassionate Man and God, a healer of not juz the phy but the soul..it's the soul who made us our personality..difficult to believe God?..well, try, experiment..go find out yourself b4 you determine His existence..or perhaps you don dare..mayb held back by too much unnec baggage that you are not willing to go experience a God whom i said is real..go..go experience for yourself, only den you will know..
"God, i need Your loving healing Touch again..help me to open up..Holy Spirit, i'm scared but i'm willing to go deeper with You."
Love You,
daph
one of her songs, yin wei you ni..it's lik talking abt God in my life..bcoz of Him, my life took a turn back to one that has hope and future..
today as i went for svc, during worship..my heart kinda softer than b4 that i teared at some of the lyrics sung.."Jesus Jesus, No other Name, No one the same like You.."
"God, i hop i can be very open in my emotions b4 You, to let You do whateva You want to do in my heart, in my life."
to be honest, i am not as honest to God in my emot as i hop i am..perhaps, i know God will do a major work that i might not be prep for..or perhaps, there are just some areas too vulnerable for God to touch..that i am not willing..i'm too scared to reveal..it takes a lot for me to be honest with God..i might juz teared lik nobody's biz..i don want..i'm strong..but am i reali strong?..act not i know in my deepest of heart..perhaps,brokeness..i need to b broken..
i like bloggin now.. think i'm beginning to understand why pp blog..a channel to tell their thots..
lik a channel for me to share my thots..but more of me reflecting..to consider..
i thot of something..to a friend who turn down my invitation to Easter svc..act i wish i can tel her so much that it is not her that she doesn't want to come church..i feel that she might also have some areas too vulnerable to share with anyone..and as a basic instinct of defence that she made herself seem to be who she is now..(diff to understand) it's ok..for me to writ out act..i don think she is like that but she was made to become like that..my friend..i hop you will know Jesus as i know Him..He is a compassionate Man and God, a healer of not juz the phy but the soul..it's the soul who made us our personality..difficult to believe God?..well, try, experiment..go find out yourself b4 you determine His existence..or perhaps you don dare..mayb held back by too much unnec baggage that you are not willing to go experience a God whom i said is real..go..go experience for yourself, only den you will know..
"God, i need Your loving healing Touch again..help me to open up..Holy Spirit, i'm scared but i'm willing to go deeper with You."
Love You,
daph
Refreshed revelation..
As I was praying (after i blog abt my past) then God revealed this to me..Have I consider the reason why God gave me the verse when I was 14..as i pray i realised it is because God wanted me to be secured in the identity I have in Christ.. I am not an abandoned kid; I am a child of God. That’s why God says to me in
Jeremiah 1:4-5
The word of the LORD came to me, saying,
“Before I formed in the womb
I knew you,
Before you were born
I set you apart;
I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”
God knew me even b4 i know Him..
It’s amazing..To have such a revelation now..
Jeremiah 1:4-5
The word of the LORD came to me, saying,
“Before I formed in the womb
I knew you,
Before you were born
I set you apart;
I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”
God knew me even b4 i know Him..
It’s amazing..To have such a revelation now..
Thursday, April 5, 2007
dapH's past
i have always wanted to write about my childhood, like what was my life like when i was young..Let me recall and as i write down, it's a good way for me to remember as well..
Baby times..
based on my memories of my childhood photos, ha..think i like to laugh when i was young..haha.. still rem many pic of my baby time when i smile with both set of teethless gums revealing my hearty laugh..haha..think i'm a well like kid..haha..cute looking too..if ever got chance, i would like to find ways to upload my baby pics..haha..i stayed in toa payoh den mayb at age 7 or younger den i lived in hougang..
Ha..always rem my dad told me wen i was younger that i was a picked up kid..haha..true to a sense coz my mum told me wen i was baby and crying very loudly..my dad put me on the field outside of our toa payoh house..den my mum was so scared and brought me in..haha..hmmm..abandonment? mayb? temp i would think..haha..
haha..also rem my dad told me that wen i was baby he act fed me with XO or some kind of alcohol..haha..intent? to make me KO and Zzz soundly..haha..no wonder the oth time went clubbing my friend said she was surprised that i could qt hold my liquor..haha..trained from baby time ma..haha
O, dad also said there was one time when mummy brought me go market den don noe how, i got lost frm her..man..scare her like xiao..den Thank God that some frens of my parents recognise that i'm my parents' kid and brought me back..haha..man..if not i might be a captured kid..*phew* haha..
Coming of moi sis
haha..moi sis is coming..haha..but that time wen my mum was pregnant we didn't noe whether it's gonna be a brother or sista to me..haha..i rem i was so excited..always like to go to mummy's stomach and listen to baby and talked to her..haha..den on 16th Feb 1989..haha.. i was placed at my grandma's place to await for news whether it is boy or gal..haha..i was praying for a mei mei..haha..and the news came..Yes! i guess correctly..i's a gal!! it's my sis..haha..so cute..yeah..can have someone to play.. i was overjoyed that i was rolling on my mattress..haha..hmmm..think my grandma and aunties and uncles was hoping for a boy..haha..but i won..ha..or God won? haha..coz my sis and moi are sharing such a close realtionship/friendship now..haha..a few weeks back, mummy was impressed with phine that she was act giving me advice over some matter that i was so angry abt..haha..God..you win..haha
Age 8..
still rem mummy was combing my hair in front of the mirror..den she asked me a qn that i couldn't understand, think the qn is sth like this "do i love papa more or mummy?" hmmm..couldn't rem my response then..then the next day..mummy left....
*tearing* as i'm writing this..think i was blaming myself wen mummy left..i wish i'm a beta kid den mayb mummy wouldn't leave..mayb if i knew earlier when mummy was asking me the qn den i would have hold on to mummy and not let her go the next day..mummy come back.....
many nights wen i was sleepling on my mattress, i was crying..still rem there was one time, papa came back drunk, he was sleeping beside me and asked if i love him more or mummy..den he also asked sth like will i stay with him or mummy.. man..i was confused..i love both of them, must i choose???? i don wan to choose...i cried too while papa KO beside me..i was tearing, thinking...
Primary 3..
i'm staying with my grandma at my gu ma's hse in serangoon..think that was the time that grandmama "rescue" delphine too..my mama went to buy some food for my sis at the nanny's hse, den she saw how phine cried so loudly and cham and the nanny just left her to be so..my mama's heart went out to my sis and she decided she will bring my sis back and tak care herself..so my grandmama is the rescuer to both my sis and i....Thank you mama!!!
during P3 time, everyday gotta tak sch bus back to serangoon..there will be days wen i delibrately missed the bus coz i want go home..hougang home.. i wan to see daddy..
so how's my pri sch days like? i don noe..purposeless..playing..thinking abt mummy..
10 yrs old
think it's at this yr that i was in contact with mummy.. in a sense mummy rented a house to stay on her own den certain days she will bring phine and i to her place and stay..think there was this time i was trying to recognise her place so i can bring papa to go find her and bring her back home..
i told papa, i thot the place is AMK but as we searched, it doesn't seem so..i felt so bad on the inside..like so useless, couldn't help to bring mummy back..
days that i stayed with mummy i was trying to call papa in hop i can tel him wher's the place..think there was this one time tt mummy found out and she flared at me..i was scared..
hmmm..seems that P4 is a dark age for me..
talking abt sch..i rem i had a new chinese teacher, Mrs Tham (i think)..there was this remedial lesson i had to go..but i ciao-ed..went to my fren's hse and play..the next day i was found out..why? coz someone told teacher my bag was in sch..right den i felt betrayed lik who expose me..i felt stupid why did i not bring my bag along..den teacher wanted to see my parents..gosh..i was scared like xiao..i don dare to tell papa..i scare he scolds..i was so scared the whole day.. den nx day i kinda lied but true in a sense.. i told Mrs Tham that my parents were separated and don noe what else did i say..i was still very scared..den..when she sees me with compassion den she said, no second time again when i skipped class..my goodness, do you know when she decided to let the matter go..i was so extremely relieved..i am so grateful that she gave me a second chance.. i was so grateful and bcoz of that..that yr i did very well for my chinese.. i rem i scored above 90 for one of the chinese test..it reali felt so good when someone forgives you and gives you a second chance..think that's how i felt twds God too..a second chance......
*my thots now*
think even as i was writing this..tears flow continuously.. think i was hurt in many sense and felt like a failure..din reali study hard during pri sch..now also kinda felt a kind of healing..at least i am able to write this out and felt that God is doing a surgery in my heart and soul now..
perhaps bcoz of my background.. i always feel very insecure..i need love..so much..that i agreed with wat Sy Rogers mentioned b4..bad love is beta than no love..a hungry person would eat anyth even if it's a moudly bread..bad bread is beta than no bread..so maybe in the area of relationships i messed up a lot..Thank God for Jaz..if she hadnt care, wher would i be today too? Thank God that He gave me a very good leader who believed in me despite all the rubbish things i did..gracious..Thank God He cared, if not wher to get this chance to blog all these..i would be doing someth else man..ha
Going Serangoon Garden Sec Sch..
I rem on the 1st day, VP said something like entering into sec sch is a new start..gosh..that word pierced into my heart and i was determined to have a new start in my studies..bcoz of that word..even thou i was in normal acad, i did relatively well.. came in 5th in sec1 mid yr and final yr..
Sec 2..i delibrately hold myself back to come in 2nd position.. below someone (yong xiang) who came from Express to my class..i rem i force myself to tak 2nd placing so that i will have the motivation to aim for 1st in class at final exams..haha..interesting reasoning yea..
O, it was this year, 1997, that i came to know God..i went to CHC bcoz of a friend, Aizhen. She was brought by my Eng teacher, Mr Andrew Wong, a leader in our church now..haha..amazing, a mth back during the CHC Teachers' network meeting, he saw me..he was suprised that i became a teacher too..haha..so funny but heartwarming in a sense too..
Think i joined CHC in a aug time onward..cant reali rem..but i rem 5th Oct should be the day i rec Christ..haha..or mayb earlier, i'm not sure coz i was flipping thru past bullettin that has a date 5th Oct..gosh..i might mistak my 2nd birthday..haha..but it's ok in a sense, i'm saved that's all matters..
i think it bcoz of my past experiences as a child and teen that i felt like i need God so much ba.. but reali sec2 wen i gave my heart to Jesus, i reali needed His forgiveness over the bad things that i have done..
hmmm..perhaps now shall tak a break..want to go pray for the Easter svc lata le..
ha..my life story.....to be continued...haha..
O anyway.. haha..Thank God, i did come in 1st at Sec 2 final yr and went up to Express in sec 3..
Baby times..
based on my memories of my childhood photos, ha..think i like to laugh when i was young..haha.. still rem many pic of my baby time when i smile with both set of teethless gums revealing my hearty laugh..haha..think i'm a well like kid..haha..cute looking too..if ever got chance, i would like to find ways to upload my baby pics..haha..i stayed in toa payoh den mayb at age 7 or younger den i lived in hougang..
Ha..always rem my dad told me wen i was younger that i was a picked up kid..haha..true to a sense coz my mum told me wen i was baby and crying very loudly..my dad put me on the field outside of our toa payoh house..den my mum was so scared and brought me in..haha..hmmm..abandonment? mayb? temp i would think..haha..
haha..also rem my dad told me that wen i was baby he act fed me with XO or some kind of alcohol..haha..intent? to make me KO and Zzz soundly..haha..no wonder the oth time went clubbing my friend said she was surprised that i could qt hold my liquor..haha..trained from baby time ma..haha
O, dad also said there was one time when mummy brought me go market den don noe how, i got lost frm her..man..scare her like xiao..den Thank God that some frens of my parents recognise that i'm my parents' kid and brought me back..haha..man..if not i might be a captured kid..*phew* haha..
Coming of moi sis
haha..moi sis is coming..haha..but that time wen my mum was pregnant we didn't noe whether it's gonna be a brother or sista to me..haha..i rem i was so excited..always like to go to mummy's stomach and listen to baby and talked to her..haha..den on 16th Feb 1989..haha.. i was placed at my grandma's place to await for news whether it is boy or gal..haha..i was praying for a mei mei..haha..and the news came..Yes! i guess correctly..i's a gal!! it's my sis..haha..so cute..yeah..can have someone to play.. i was overjoyed that i was rolling on my mattress..haha..hmmm..think my grandma and aunties and uncles was hoping for a boy..haha..but i won..ha..or God won? haha..coz my sis and moi are sharing such a close realtionship/friendship now..haha..a few weeks back, mummy was impressed with phine that she was act giving me advice over some matter that i was so angry abt..haha..God..you win..haha
Age 8..
still rem mummy was combing my hair in front of the mirror..den she asked me a qn that i couldn't understand, think the qn is sth like this "do i love papa more or mummy?" hmmm..couldn't rem my response then..then the next day..mummy left....
*tearing* as i'm writing this..think i was blaming myself wen mummy left..i wish i'm a beta kid den mayb mummy wouldn't leave..mayb if i knew earlier when mummy was asking me the qn den i would have hold on to mummy and not let her go the next day..mummy come back.....
many nights wen i was sleepling on my mattress, i was crying..still rem there was one time, papa came back drunk, he was sleeping beside me and asked if i love him more or mummy..den he also asked sth like will i stay with him or mummy.. man..i was confused..i love both of them, must i choose???? i don wan to choose...i cried too while papa KO beside me..i was tearing, thinking...
Primary 3..
i'm staying with my grandma at my gu ma's hse in serangoon..think that was the time that grandmama "rescue" delphine too..my mama went to buy some food for my sis at the nanny's hse, den she saw how phine cried so loudly and cham and the nanny just left her to be so..my mama's heart went out to my sis and she decided she will bring my sis back and tak care herself..so my grandmama is the rescuer to both my sis and i....Thank you mama!!!
during P3 time, everyday gotta tak sch bus back to serangoon..there will be days wen i delibrately missed the bus coz i want go home..hougang home.. i wan to see daddy..
so how's my pri sch days like? i don noe..purposeless..playing..thinking abt mummy..
10 yrs old
think it's at this yr that i was in contact with mummy.. in a sense mummy rented a house to stay on her own den certain days she will bring phine and i to her place and stay..think there was this time i was trying to recognise her place so i can bring papa to go find her and bring her back home..
i told papa, i thot the place is AMK but as we searched, it doesn't seem so..i felt so bad on the inside..like so useless, couldn't help to bring mummy back..
days that i stayed with mummy i was trying to call papa in hop i can tel him wher's the place..think there was this one time tt mummy found out and she flared at me..i was scared..
hmmm..seems that P4 is a dark age for me..
talking abt sch..i rem i had a new chinese teacher, Mrs Tham (i think)..there was this remedial lesson i had to go..but i ciao-ed..went to my fren's hse and play..the next day i was found out..why? coz someone told teacher my bag was in sch..right den i felt betrayed lik who expose me..i felt stupid why did i not bring my bag along..den teacher wanted to see my parents..gosh..i was scared like xiao..i don dare to tell papa..i scare he scolds..i was so scared the whole day.. den nx day i kinda lied but true in a sense.. i told Mrs Tham that my parents were separated and don noe what else did i say..i was still very scared..den..when she sees me with compassion den she said, no second time again when i skipped class..my goodness, do you know when she decided to let the matter go..i was so extremely relieved..i am so grateful that she gave me a second chance.. i was so grateful and bcoz of that..that yr i did very well for my chinese.. i rem i scored above 90 for one of the chinese test..it reali felt so good when someone forgives you and gives you a second chance..think that's how i felt twds God too..a second chance......
*my thots now*
think even as i was writing this..tears flow continuously.. think i was hurt in many sense and felt like a failure..din reali study hard during pri sch..now also kinda felt a kind of healing..at least i am able to write this out and felt that God is doing a surgery in my heart and soul now..
perhaps bcoz of my background.. i always feel very insecure..i need love..so much..that i agreed with wat Sy Rogers mentioned b4..bad love is beta than no love..a hungry person would eat anyth even if it's a moudly bread..bad bread is beta than no bread..so maybe in the area of relationships i messed up a lot..Thank God for Jaz..if she hadnt care, wher would i be today too? Thank God that He gave me a very good leader who believed in me despite all the rubbish things i did..gracious..Thank God He cared, if not wher to get this chance to blog all these..i would be doing someth else man..ha
Going Serangoon Garden Sec Sch..
I rem on the 1st day, VP said something like entering into sec sch is a new start..gosh..that word pierced into my heart and i was determined to have a new start in my studies..bcoz of that word..even thou i was in normal acad, i did relatively well.. came in 5th in sec1 mid yr and final yr..
Sec 2..i delibrately hold myself back to come in 2nd position.. below someone (yong xiang) who came from Express to my class..i rem i force myself to tak 2nd placing so that i will have the motivation to aim for 1st in class at final exams..haha..interesting reasoning yea..
O, it was this year, 1997, that i came to know God..i went to CHC bcoz of a friend, Aizhen. She was brought by my Eng teacher, Mr Andrew Wong, a leader in our church now..haha..amazing, a mth back during the CHC Teachers' network meeting, he saw me..he was suprised that i became a teacher too..haha..so funny but heartwarming in a sense too..
Think i joined CHC in a aug time onward..cant reali rem..but i rem 5th Oct should be the day i rec Christ..haha..or mayb earlier, i'm not sure coz i was flipping thru past bullettin that has a date 5th Oct..gosh..i might mistak my 2nd birthday..haha..but it's ok in a sense, i'm saved that's all matters..
i think it bcoz of my past experiences as a child and teen that i felt like i need God so much ba.. but reali sec2 wen i gave my heart to Jesus, i reali needed His forgiveness over the bad things that i have done..
hmmm..perhaps now shall tak a break..want to go pray for the Easter svc lata le..
ha..my life story.....to be continued...haha..
O anyway.. haha..Thank God, i did come in 1st at Sec 2 final yr and went up to Express in sec 3..
Kolb's learning cycle--the way i knew God
haha..today in my course i learnt abt Kolb's learning cycle..This is to help us understand how our students learnt in lesson time..haha..den as my instructor was exlaining..haha.. man..i felt like yeah..it's like the way i knew God..haha..why? let moi explain..
Kolb's learning cycle..(suppose to draw a circle, well try to imagine ba..)
active experimentation---> concrete experience---> reflective observation---> abstract conceptualisation
Let see, hop i give a good explanation..
for me, think i start from active experimentation den i move on to abstract conceptualisation..O, some person can start from anywhere and follow the process (in a sense next item), so reali depends on indiv..
haha..for moi.. think i active experimentation came when i was in sec 2, 14 yrs old..went to CHC to kinda see see look look..kinda wanted to search for God aft i was scared by the Jehovah witness pp who gave me mths of bs only to find out during CNY in 1997, from my auntie, uncle that they are a cult grp..scare me man..
That 1st time wen i went svc (think 5th Oct1997) at Hollywood..beside lion city (haha..retro memo memo), i rem Pst Kong gave the altar call asking whoever wants to be forgiven of their sins, lift up the hand and Jesus will forgive me of my sins.. man..right then i felt that i needed forgiveness for my life coz i felt sinful..so i responed and went down to the front (still rem i was sitting in the 1st row of balcony)..wheni prayed,i experience Christ's forgiveness over my sins..It's such great joy in my heart..haha..coz i always felt that i am a person who did a lot of wrong things and someone act accepted me and willing to forgive me..haha..it's great news man..Jesus forgives me..heee..
That time i was 14, when i was younger, i stole things as young as the age of 7..little small items that caught my eye, i will devise ways to put into my clothing and bring it home.. i'm a stealer man..i still rem when i was 8 yrs old, m cousin showed me her sticker book, it was so nice..that night i stayed at her house and guess what i did in the middle of the night?.. i woke up and stole her sticker book and put it inside my t-shirt, i had it secured with my rubberise shorts that kids wore..so thruout the night i just kept the sticker book with me..kinda awake thruout to guard my new possession to make sure i'm not caught..
den the next day when she found out that her sticker book was lost..i pretended that nothing hap and comforted her that someone or fairy or whoeva i cant rem might hav stolen her book.. but looking at her sad face..i felt guilty..the second night i think i stayed at her place again..den same thing, i woke up in the middle of the night, went to put her sticker book back..next morning when she woke up, kinda managed to get her to check her drawer..and there, was her sticker book again..happy that i returned her the book..guilty coz i'm a stealer..
Sorry, sidetrack..so wen i responded to altar call, i experience God's wonderful forgiveness but it's thru so many years,went thru many things that i have this Concrete experience .
One of this concrete experience is when i was having bs ( with bro daniel, my fren and moi) when i was a new believer (14), i was asked to read this verse..haha..it's the 1st verse that touched my heart so much.. when i flipped to the verse and read it b4 i was asked to read out, i teared..i teared coz i was so touched in my heart that God act knew me even b4 i was born..how incredible is His love for me?
Jer 1:4-5 NIV...
The word of the Lord came to me, saying, "Before i formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."
and of course thru wat i have reflected in my life, thru these yrs that i ciao church and came back, ciao again and now i'm back for good..i saw (observe) the goodness of God that happened too many times that i am sure that He is real and He is good..(look at my earlier entries you will have glimpes of God's goodness in my life..heee)
All these Reflective observation finally led to Abstract conceptualisation.. why i said abstract conceptualisation? haha..coz we cannot see God phy and so many people would think He is a concept or something..haha..but the fact is , we are the concept in His mind even b4 we were borned..cute right..it is abstract bcoz many pp find it difficlut to believ that there is a God who exist..to them, seeing is believing, so no see => not real?
i was sharing a bit with my colleague just now on my way back wat i wrote above..i said "that's why i always tel people, to know God, go find out and experience Him for youself. Coz only when you experience God, you will believ in Him, no one can tak that experience from you."
i think many of us experience God in some point in our life to draw the conclusion that He is real..but whether we know of His goodness and character, it is once again, an individual journey of discovery and walking with God..haha.. Exciting life man..
anyway coming back to kolb's learning cycle..some pp may be the reflective observation type where they are usu reserved but they are act reflecting and observing and learningden they have this abstract concept ( which i hop is revelation)..perhaps some people experience God this way..
haha..interesting..to think even on course also can have this kind of realisation..haha..so fun!!! haha..
man..so tempted to write more abt my past..think to be continued..haha..thanks friends if you have come to this point..you are a solid reader..haha..coz wen i blog..i simply just write ooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn....haha..Thank you for being interested in my life..xin ku ni le..been reading hard..haha
Kolb's learning cycle..(suppose to draw a circle, well try to imagine ba..)
active experimentation---> concrete experience---> reflective observation---> abstract conceptualisation
Let see, hop i give a good explanation..
for me, think i start from active experimentation den i move on to abstract conceptualisation..O, some person can start from anywhere and follow the process (in a sense next item), so reali depends on indiv..
haha..for moi.. think i active experimentation came when i was in sec 2, 14 yrs old..went to CHC to kinda see see look look..kinda wanted to search for God aft i was scared by the Jehovah witness pp who gave me mths of bs only to find out during CNY in 1997, from my auntie, uncle that they are a cult grp..scare me man..
That 1st time wen i went svc (think 5th Oct1997) at Hollywood..beside lion city (haha..retro memo memo), i rem Pst Kong gave the altar call asking whoever wants to be forgiven of their sins, lift up the hand and Jesus will forgive me of my sins.. man..right then i felt that i needed forgiveness for my life coz i felt sinful..so i responed and went down to the front (still rem i was sitting in the 1st row of balcony)..wheni prayed,i experience Christ's forgiveness over my sins..It's such great joy in my heart..haha..coz i always felt that i am a person who did a lot of wrong things and someone act accepted me and willing to forgive me..haha..it's great news man..Jesus forgives me..heee..
That time i was 14, when i was younger, i stole things as young as the age of 7..little small items that caught my eye, i will devise ways to put into my clothing and bring it home.. i'm a stealer man..i still rem when i was 8 yrs old, m cousin showed me her sticker book, it was so nice..that night i stayed at her house and guess what i did in the middle of the night?.. i woke up and stole her sticker book and put it inside my t-shirt, i had it secured with my rubberise shorts that kids wore..so thruout the night i just kept the sticker book with me..kinda awake thruout to guard my new possession to make sure i'm not caught..
den the next day when she found out that her sticker book was lost..i pretended that nothing hap and comforted her that someone or fairy or whoeva i cant rem might hav stolen her book.. but looking at her sad face..i felt guilty..the second night i think i stayed at her place again..den same thing, i woke up in the middle of the night, went to put her sticker book back..next morning when she woke up, kinda managed to get her to check her drawer..and there, was her sticker book again..happy that i returned her the book..guilty coz i'm a stealer..
Sorry, sidetrack..so wen i responded to altar call, i experience God's wonderful forgiveness but it's thru so many years,went thru many things that i have this Concrete experience .
One of this concrete experience is when i was having bs ( with bro daniel, my fren and moi) when i was a new believer (14), i was asked to read this verse..haha..it's the 1st verse that touched my heart so much.. when i flipped to the verse and read it b4 i was asked to read out, i teared..i teared coz i was so touched in my heart that God act knew me even b4 i was born..how incredible is His love for me?
Jer 1:4-5 NIV...
The word of the Lord came to me, saying, "Before i formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."
and of course thru wat i have reflected in my life, thru these yrs that i ciao church and came back, ciao again and now i'm back for good..i saw (observe) the goodness of God that happened too many times that i am sure that He is real and He is good..(look at my earlier entries you will have glimpes of God's goodness in my life..heee)
All these Reflective observation finally led to Abstract conceptualisation.. why i said abstract conceptualisation? haha..coz we cannot see God phy and so many people would think He is a concept or something..haha..but the fact is , we are the concept in His mind even b4 we were borned..cute right..it is abstract bcoz many pp find it difficlut to believ that there is a God who exist..to them, seeing is believing, so no see => not real?
i was sharing a bit with my colleague just now on my way back wat i wrote above..i said "that's why i always tel people, to know God, go find out and experience Him for youself. Coz only when you experience God, you will believ in Him, no one can tak that experience from you."
i think many of us experience God in some point in our life to draw the conclusion that He is real..but whether we know of His goodness and character, it is once again, an individual journey of discovery and walking with God..haha.. Exciting life man..
anyway coming back to kolb's learning cycle..some pp may be the reflective observation type where they are usu reserved but they are act reflecting and observing and learningden they have this abstract concept ( which i hop is revelation)..perhaps some people experience God this way..
haha..interesting..to think even on course also can have this kind of realisation..haha..so fun!!! haha..
man..so tempted to write more abt my past..think to be continued..haha..thanks friends if you have come to this point..you are a solid reader..haha..coz wen i blog..i simply just write ooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn....haha..Thank you for being interested in my life..xin ku ni le..been reading hard..haha
Happiness is Having Hope in the future, Having Faith in God..
this morn was reading the Happiness book..
it says Happiness is...
Having Hope in the future, Having Faith in God..
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you,says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.
Jer 29:11-12 NKJV
den it goes on to say
If you trust God and have faith in the future, your optimistic beliefs will give you direction and motivation.That's one reason that you should never lost hope,but certainly not the only reason.The primary reason that you, as a believer, should never lose hope, is because of God's unfailing promises.
Make no mistake about it: thoughts are powerful things--your thought have the power to lift you up or to hold you down. When you acquire the habit of hopeful thinking, you will have acquired a powerful tool for improving your life. So if you find yourself falling into the spiritual traps of worry and discouragement, be sure to redirect your thoughts. And if you fall into the terrible habit of negative thinking, think again. After all, God's Word teaches us that Christ can overcome every difficulty. And when God makes a promise, He keeps it.
Great ideas abt Hope..
Hope looks for the good in people, opens doors for people, discovers what can be done to help, lights a candle, does not yield to cynicism. Hope sets people free. ~Barbara Johnson
Never yield to gloomy anticipation. Place your hope and confidence in God. He has no record of failure. ~ Mrs. Charles E. Cowman
Be hopeful! For tomorrow has never happened before. ~Robert Schuller
some verses to share:
May The God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Rom 15: 13 NIV
For I hope in You, O LORD; You will answer, O LORD my God.
Psa 38:15 NASB
Today's tip
Jesus came to give us abundant life, to change the quality of our existence. Our job, of course, is to obey, to pray, to work, and to accept His abundance with open arms.
As i was reading i was thinking, wow, isn't it amazing that God gives us a future and a hope that we may call upon Him and pray, and He will listen to us..
hahaha..isn't God cute in a sense He wants to give us present that we may seek Him and He may answer the desires in our heart which is our hopes..This is almost like someone giving you money and ask you to come back and he will give you more money..ha..
I think God is such a good God..where on earth wil you find another person who treats you so good..It is almost like God wants to PUSH all His Blessings upon your life if you will receive..Amazing..
it says Happiness is...
Having Hope in the future, Having Faith in God..
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you,says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.
Jer 29:11-12 NKJV
den it goes on to say
If you trust God and have faith in the future, your optimistic beliefs will give you direction and motivation.That's one reason that you should never lost hope,but certainly not the only reason.The primary reason that you, as a believer, should never lose hope, is because of God's unfailing promises.
Make no mistake about it: thoughts are powerful things--your thought have the power to lift you up or to hold you down. When you acquire the habit of hopeful thinking, you will have acquired a powerful tool for improving your life. So if you find yourself falling into the spiritual traps of worry and discouragement, be sure to redirect your thoughts. And if you fall into the terrible habit of negative thinking, think again. After all, God's Word teaches us that Christ can overcome every difficulty. And when God makes a promise, He keeps it.
Great ideas abt Hope..
Hope looks for the good in people, opens doors for people, discovers what can be done to help, lights a candle, does not yield to cynicism. Hope sets people free. ~Barbara Johnson
Never yield to gloomy anticipation. Place your hope and confidence in God. He has no record of failure. ~ Mrs. Charles E. Cowman
Be hopeful! For tomorrow has never happened before. ~Robert Schuller
some verses to share:
May The God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Rom 15: 13 NIV
For I hope in You, O LORD; You will answer, O LORD my God.
Psa 38:15 NASB
Today's tip
Jesus came to give us abundant life, to change the quality of our existence. Our job, of course, is to obey, to pray, to work, and to accept His abundance with open arms.
As i was reading i was thinking, wow, isn't it amazing that God gives us a future and a hope that we may call upon Him and pray, and He will listen to us..
hahaha..isn't God cute in a sense He wants to give us present that we may seek Him and He may answer the desires in our heart which is our hopes..This is almost like someone giving you money and ask you to come back and he will give you more money..ha..
I think God is such a good God..where on earth wil you find another person who treats you so good..It is almost like God wants to PUSH all His Blessings upon your life if you will receive..Amazing..
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Short but meaningful
i rem i memo this when i was a young teen..was reading this book..this portion that i wrote down on paper and paste on my wall so i can see everyday..
it says..
I am one
but still i am one,
I cannot do everything
but still i can do something
i will not refuse to do the one thing that i can do
~Helen Keller~
it says..
I am one
but still i am one,
I cannot do everything
but still i can do something
i will not refuse to do the one thing that i can do
~Helen Keller~
Morning thots
as i was listening to Sun's song on my way to tak train..sud thot of tis word..Forgiveness..den it brought back memories on how i knew God..right den in my heart i feel like tearing..is this brokeness? i feel lik cryig in the presence of God if i can..coz i rem how i 1st knew God.
i knew Him as the Forgiver of my sins when i was 14.. how great and good God is!..if without the saving grace of Jesus..where would i be today?..even wen i came home tis 2nd time (in yr 2005, April, Pst Benny Hinn week..same day that Kat gave her heart to Jesus too..the msg was on prodigal son)..i also knew God as my Forgiver..God, Thank you..
I'm forgiven and i will forgive myself and oths whom i held resentment agst..i don need to mention names..i know who i need to release forgiveness as well...
O, the song is act chun tian de wei xiao..the one shown in church recently..
i knew Him as the Forgiver of my sins when i was 14.. how great and good God is!..if without the saving grace of Jesus..where would i be today?..even wen i came home tis 2nd time (in yr 2005, April, Pst Benny Hinn week..same day that Kat gave her heart to Jesus too..the msg was on prodigal son)..i also knew God as my Forgiver..God, Thank you..
I'm forgiven and i will forgive myself and oths whom i held resentment agst..i don need to mention names..i know who i need to release forgiveness as well...
O, the song is act chun tian de wei xiao..the one shown in church recently..
So blessed..sermon notes from moi's fren blog..ha..got permission of course
The reason i copied this sermon portion frm my fren's blog is reali for my reference but mostly it is bcoz i need this word in season..Hop you are blessed by the sermon too..Thank you my friend, your sharing of sermon is mutliplied now..haha..Thanks for allowing me to copy into my blog..heee..so blessed again..
O, to share..a disciple is a TRAINED worker with a GREAT ATTITUDE..in the bs i gav bel lst sun..ha..in line yea..
Below is the sermon shared by Pst Mark Conner.
1 Tim 4:7-8
Paul says we have to train ourselves to be godly. We dont try to be godly, but we have to train! There's a difference between trying and training.
Training helps you do what you cannot do by willpower alone.
(daph's thots: no wonder i had a good time running yest..yes..training gets me to where i wan to go)
Trying doesn't get you anywhere, training does.
Train in Greek is Gymnaso, which speaks of gymnasium, exercise!Therefore, we must engage ourselves in spiritual exercises to position ourselves to be more godly.
Below are 5 spiritual exercises that we should engage in...
The discipline of.....
celebration
prayer
reading God's word
fellowship
serving
Learn the discipline of celebrating God's goodness in your life.
Phil 4:4
Rejoice, again I say, rejoice!
Learn the discipline of prayer.
Praying is telling God that we need Him in our lives and that we are dependent on Him. Without Him, we are really nothing.
Learn the discipline of reading God's word.
It is a way of connecting with God, a book that allows our minds to be challenged and an avenue for us when we look for inspirations, wisdom and guidance through life.
God's word is like soap that cleanses our soul.
You may want to try the following out daily and see the transformation in your life!
S-O-A-P= Speak ; Observation; Application; Prayer
Write down a verse that speaks to you. Make observation how you view/see the verse. Apply the verse in your life. Make a prayer that's appropriate in your life.
Learn the discipline of fellowship.
Acts 2:42
Fellowship helps us to learn the ability of getting along with people.
EQ is 2 times more important than IQ!
Learn the discipline of serving.
It will break the self-centredness in us.
1 Pet 4:10 The above 5 disciplines are active.
The next 5 disciplines are those of which we have to "disengage". They are not common.
solitude
silence
fasting
sacrifice
secrecy
Solitude is the deliberate disengagement from the busyness of the world.
Lk 5:16
When going for a retreat, we can get clarity on what's happening in the world around us.
Silence:
Eccl 3:7 Jms 1:9
Learn to listen more than we speak. Hearing magnifies in silence.
Fasting is giving up something more pleasurable for something more purposeful.
Eg. TV fast. It is a powerful way of having self-control and to say "no" to tempations.
Sacrifice is a powerful way of transforming your character and moulding us into a christian.
Rom 12:1-2 Lk21:1-4
Secrecy is for "approval addicts", the group of people who always seeks approval of others. We should learn to eliminate everyone on the grandstand except one, God himself. Do something anoymous. Pray for someone without letting the person know. Giving/blessing someone without his/her knowledge. This act will not feed your ego, but it feeds your heart and soul.
Conclusion
Discipline is unpleasant at the beginning. Howerver, along the pain, there's a reward and when we see the reward, it motivates us to be even more disciplined to carry on the spiritual training as it's self-validating.
Discipline is NOT a measure of maturity. It is not how many hours you pray, how many hours you spend fasting or fellowshipping; but we are looking at the final product here: are you becoming more like Jesus?
Build the growth plan around your life.
O, to share..a disciple is a TRAINED worker with a GREAT ATTITUDE..in the bs i gav bel lst sun..ha..in line yea..
Below is the sermon shared by Pst Mark Conner.
1 Tim 4:7-8
Paul says we have to train ourselves to be godly. We dont try to be godly, but we have to train! There's a difference between trying and training.
Training helps you do what you cannot do by willpower alone.
(daph's thots: no wonder i had a good time running yest..yes..training gets me to where i wan to go)
Trying doesn't get you anywhere, training does.
Train in Greek is Gymnaso, which speaks of gymnasium, exercise!Therefore, we must engage ourselves in spiritual exercises to position ourselves to be more godly.
Below are 5 spiritual exercises that we should engage in...
The discipline of.....
celebration
prayer
reading God's word
fellowship
serving
Learn the discipline of celebrating God's goodness in your life.
Phil 4:4
Rejoice, again I say, rejoice!
Learn the discipline of prayer.
Praying is telling God that we need Him in our lives and that we are dependent on Him. Without Him, we are really nothing.
Learn the discipline of reading God's word.
It is a way of connecting with God, a book that allows our minds to be challenged and an avenue for us when we look for inspirations, wisdom and guidance through life.
God's word is like soap that cleanses our soul.
You may want to try the following out daily and see the transformation in your life!
S-O-A-P= Speak ; Observation; Application; Prayer
Write down a verse that speaks to you. Make observation how you view/see the verse. Apply the verse in your life. Make a prayer that's appropriate in your life.
Learn the discipline of fellowship.
Acts 2:42
Fellowship helps us to learn the ability of getting along with people.
EQ is 2 times more important than IQ!
Learn the discipline of serving.
It will break the self-centredness in us.
1 Pet 4:10 The above 5 disciplines are active.
The next 5 disciplines are those of which we have to "disengage". They are not common.
solitude
silence
fasting
sacrifice
secrecy
Solitude is the deliberate disengagement from the busyness of the world.
Lk 5:16
When going for a retreat, we can get clarity on what's happening in the world around us.
Silence:
Eccl 3:7 Jms 1:9
Learn to listen more than we speak. Hearing magnifies in silence.
Fasting is giving up something more pleasurable for something more purposeful.
Eg. TV fast. It is a powerful way of having self-control and to say "no" to tempations.
Sacrifice is a powerful way of transforming your character and moulding us into a christian.
Rom 12:1-2 Lk21:1-4
Secrecy is for "approval addicts", the group of people who always seeks approval of others. We should learn to eliminate everyone on the grandstand except one, God himself. Do something anoymous. Pray for someone without letting the person know. Giving/blessing someone without his/her knowledge. This act will not feed your ego, but it feeds your heart and soul.
Conclusion
Discipline is unpleasant at the beginning. Howerver, along the pain, there's a reward and when we see the reward, it motivates us to be even more disciplined to carry on the spiritual training as it's self-validating.
Discipline is NOT a measure of maturity. It is not how many hours you pray, how many hours you spend fasting or fellowshipping; but we are looking at the final product here: are you becoming more like Jesus?
Build the growth plan around your life.
i wan to go for mission trip this yr
I was reading shing's blog again, thruout the whole day act..haha..phine i'm like addicted to her blog le..goodness..haha..think wat keeps me reading her blog is coz i wan to know how she feels being in mission team out there in Taiwan..her thot, her emots..God's goodness..the conditions there.. the people, the churches..everyth abt Taiwan..
Think i am influenced or maybe more aware now abt Taiwan mission team that today i prayed qt a lot for them..hmmm..consider the fact i haven been praying much or rather haven been praying for people for long time..
Thanks to her blog, yest Kat and i made a commitment..we will pray for each other daily..
Yest, i was considering..God, how to rise up in You? think i need a long time b4 i can serve God more..
den somehow i felt this idea that came..
Time is not the factor..Heart Is..
Do i have a heart for God?..
God, i need to know Your love for me deeper..How?
Think i need to keep my simple desire to know God..to know God..to know this God who knew me even before i was borned..
Thank you Jesus..
Think i am influenced or maybe more aware now abt Taiwan mission team that today i prayed qt a lot for them..hmmm..consider the fact i haven been praying much or rather haven been praying for people for long time..
Thanks to her blog, yest Kat and i made a commitment..we will pray for each other daily..
Yest, i was considering..God, how to rise up in You? think i need a long time b4 i can serve God more..
den somehow i felt this idea that came..
Time is not the factor..Heart Is..
Do i have a heart for God?..
God, i need to know Your love for me deeper..How?
Think i need to keep my simple desire to know God..to know God..to know this God who knew me even before i was borned..
Thank you Jesus..
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