broken by kids~ 9 April 2009

these 2 days had been very emotional for me..

being in this sch for more 6 months,tis being my 8th month (4 days to go, yesterday was the 1st time i wanna give up on a class..

i was so close to stepping into the VP's room by 1 step but U-turning wen i saw some inside..den my zul saw me at the office and asked me outside to find out how i was feeling..b4 much could be said, tears naturally flooded my eyes..quite drama but it's tears held too long that wen someone finally showed/noticed my feelings, it juz rush out of my eyes..

tis p4 class is by far my most challenging class..I wondered was it my incapablilty or was the class simply too challenging for me?
To be honest, if i break up the class, they seem very manageable, then why is it that when i strated teaching, they do not listen..

juz a few in the class is able to totally slowed the class' progress and hindered my teaching..my gosh..i tried to be fierce and stuff but it simply doesnt work on some kids..i tried watevan o knew, i used the same tactics or even words that the form teacher were so effective in, but to no avail..

i am broken..

i wanna give up..

tdy i wanna tell VP can i don tak the class anymore? i give up..

unusually, i went to canteen to eat, talked to lawrence, a trainee teacher, he advised me not to go to VP unless it very serious..he said even if the class results are not good, i wont b blamed coz i'm untrained..hmmm..sounds comforting but i feel responsible for the class learning..nonetheless, he did talk me out of talking to VP..

den Junhua offered to sit in in my class to help me put with the few kids..he used his own free time to help me..was reali touched and grateful..

juz now he told me his time with the 3 was good..he made quite a few observations and shared with me..i feel that much follow up needs to be done..my God, give me wisdom and compassion..

he told me he could see that i was not the problem, the kids had their own issues..juz gotta show that i care for them which i reali am..the kids are very clever, bright and so much potential..but i don hav the luxury of time to teach them individually.. i sup it is kids like that that made me still here..

come to think abt it now, much as i say it is for studies that i am still hanging in this job, i sup there is reali a part of me moved by compassion for children who needs help..

i can earn much more outside but why am i still here.. i hav no idea..

probably the comforting /encouraging words given by the teachers in this sch were..i have a cut fr teaching, i will make a good teacher..hmmm..good to hear, partly believe so but it's a tough road to walk..my gosh..