5th May-Emerge 10 (9km act) Race

today i want to Thank God for the things that He is doing in my life..it's amazing how He moved in my life..ha

today is the race that i have been training for..not very hard i would say but stil did train..i rem i told shuyin (a cool sporty galfren) just b4 we walked to startin point that i reali want to be in top 3..i want to be in top 3..

well..started the race..i'm not the 1st gal act but after a few sec, think i went a little too fast, i became like the 1st runner thruout round 1 and den morale testing time came..

juz right after 4.5km, 2 gals ran ahead of me..gosh..shocked..stunned.unexpected..morale testing..i was certainly shaken in many ways while still running..think it took me prob 1 or 2 km b4 i decided to move on and fight for my third position.

i felt it was a struggled run..reali struggled..when they 1st ran past me, my morale dipped..had no fighting spirit..lousy..was scolding myself like "come on la..fight..don give up so easily..don compromise standards so fast..fight..fight for ur 3rd..at least at the end of race u can said u did fight.."

man..it was reali a struggle..wen i was running i kept telling myself..fight for my 3rd position..fight for my 3rd position..told alan that sometimes i'm gan cheong for competitive race bcoz it will reali show who i am..lik pst said during svc..my attitude is the real me..

Praise God i came in 3rd..no stitch, no cramps..good..i finished the race..i am supposed to be happy but i'm not..i was lik "God, i should be grateful but......"

aft prize presentation and taking qt a bit of pics i went to tamp gym to workout..i was still lik asking God "what's wrong with me? what don i feel happy? like so contradicting where i'm not exactly happy yet was happy in photo taking with my medal..weird?"

until when i left the gym den i realised someth..i was unhappy bcoz i was disappointed with myself..angry i would say..i'm angry that i act had such lousy attitude..i told alan..i'm angry that i like don hav tenacity to fight back..i act had lousy attitude of not fighting and perhaps accept my 3rd position without working hard or fighting for it..lousy attitude..

i think God is dealing with me man..in the area of attitude..den when pst preached on SOTM..me = sum of all my attitudes twds God, people and myself..man..i was like.."God, You are still working in my life.." told alan that i have observed the way God works in me which is He always made me realise some things 1st den when Pst preached, it would be like a confirmation..God, You're awesome!

Attitude..hmmm..think my attitude twds God had dipped loads too..juztold kat that God is so good to me yet i don value Him as much..hmmm..

act juz now during svc..wen Pst said let's not leav the svc until we have an experience or encounter with God..i was like.."yes"..den when i was offguard den the church started singing..man..i juz started to tear like man..tears juz flow like that..a touch from God..a reminder from God that He is my 1st Love..a reminder that God is faithful to me..

daphne..i want to change my attitude twds God..God is faithful to me..He has always been so faithful to me..i want to be loyal in my heart twds Him..a loyal heart..

God, my joy is found when i am walking with You and in Your revelation..let my attitude reflects my love for You..a Loyal Heart..

daph--a Loyal Heart to a Faithful God..Amen!